Library  of  Che  <t  heologiccd  £$min<xry 

PRINCETON    •    NEW  JERSEY 


PRESENTED  BY 

E.  A.  Richards 

HQ  728  .H3  1883 

Hall,  John,  1829-1898. 

A  Christian  home 


I 


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in  2010  with  funding  from 

Princeton  Theological  Seminary  Library 


http://www.archive.org/details/christianhomehowOOhall 


PHOTOGRAPH,    ROCKWOOD,    N. 


HOT07YPE,    F.    GUTEKUNST,    PHILAD'A. 


Rev.    John    Hall,   D.    D. 


A  CHRISTIAN  HOME 


HOW    TO    MAKE 
AND    HOW    TO    MAINTAIN    IT. 


BY 


JOHN  "HALL,    D.D., 
New  York. 


philadelphia  : 
The  American   Sunday-School  Union, 

1122  CHESTNUT  STREET. 
NEW   YORK:    10  BIBLE   HOUSE. 


"  First  God's  love, 
And  next,"  he  smiled,  "  the  love  of  wedded  souls, 
Which  still  presents  that  mystery's  counterpart. 
Sweet  shadow-rose,  upon  the  water  of  life. 
Of  such  a  mystic  substance,  Sharon  gave 
A  name  to  !  human,  vital  fructuous  rose, 
Whose  calyx  holds  the  multitude  of  leaves. 
Loves  filial,  loves  fraternal,  neighbor-loves, 
And  civic,  all  fair  petals,  all  good  scents, 
All  reddened,  sweetened,  from  one  Central  Heart." 


Copyright,  1883, 
By  thk  Amkrican  Sunday-School  Union. 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

Introductory  Note, vii 

John  C.  Green  Fund  Books, ix 

Chap.  I. — The  Family — Its  Early  History. 
The  family  and  the  community — Houses  not  homes — 
The  right  spirit — The  family  precedes  society — Man 
and  woman — Marriage  divine — Why  a  religious  rite — 
Yet  not  a  sacrament — Its  civil  side — Polygamy — Pa- 
triarchal experiences — Mixed  marriages — Social  bar- 
riers against — Solomon's  folly — Jezebel's  influence — 
Ezra's  difficulties — Principles  running  on  into  the 
New  Testament — Marrying  "in  the  Lord"  .         .11 

Chap.  II. — New  Testament  Light  in  the  Home. 
Jewish  errors  corrected — Genesis  endorsed — Tempters 
rebuked — The  law  in  Paradise — Romish  views — The 
wedding  in  Cana — Significance  of  the  Saviour's  course 
— Still  to  be  invited — Parental  feeling  known  to  him 
— Child-obedience  also — Misread  words  —  His  high 
example  —  Bethany  —  Christ  and  the  children — His 
''  Father's  house  " — New  Testament  homes — Ephe- 
sians  instructed — Oberlin — Children's  lesson — King 
Lear  —  Parents'  monuments  —  A  picture  —  God-like 
love — The  "  help"  —  Deputy-mothers — Undermining 
communism — Philemon         ......     25 

Chap.  III. — The  Ethics  of  the  Home. 

"  Dogma  "  loosely  discarded — Religion  involves  ethics — 
Men  a  race — Not  like  angels — Visionary  economists — 
"Well  born" — Abraham  and  Rebekah  on  heredity — 
Variety  among  human  beings — Declaration  of  Inde- 
pendence misread — Men  and  women  unlike,  but  equal 
—  Property  —  The  State  interested  —  Purity  —  The 
Church  interested — Religious  ceremony — Converted 
polygamists — Our  dangers  from  Mormonism — From 
divorce  laws — Asceticism' — "Fasting"  ruled  out — 
Justifiable  celibacy — Barrack  life — The  family  life 
and  training — Schiller — Bacon 49 


CONTENT*. 


Chap.  IV. — Wise  Choice. 

No  need  to  choose — Necessary  burdens — Standard  adopt- 
ed— Reflex  influence — Choice  of  husband  or  wife — 
Mutual  adaptation  —  Mutual  knowledge  —  "  Mixed 
marriages" — About  the  wedding — The  home — Not 
the  hotel— About  the  bills— The  "help"— The  self- 
helpers — Teachers  for  the  children — The  elements 
required — In  loco  parentis — Public  schools — Their 
teaching  to  be  supplemented — Fitness  for  place  in 
the  family — The  state — The  church — "  Who  is  suffi- 
cient?"— The  "strength  to  the  needy" — Light  in  the 
dwelling 65 

Chap.  V. — Mutual  Help  and  Care. 

Two  better  than  one — Captain  Kane  and  the  Esqui- 
maux chief — Human  capacities  provided  for — "  Sol- 
itary in  families" — Spiritual  communiou — Book  of 
remembrance — Reflex  influences — The  desert  blos- 
soming— Marriage  ties  consecrated — James  Sherman's 
parents  —  Joseph  and  Aseuath  —  Husbands  won  — 
Words  of  warning  —  Married  coquettes  —  "Which 
family?"  —  Human  wrecks — Children  ruined — Pure 
men's  duty — The  inclined  plane 87 

Chap.  VI. — The  Lights  and  Shadows  of  Home-life. 

Topic  ever  fresh — Home  touched  at  every  point  by  in- 
spiration— Pure  atmosphere — Wedding-day — A  per- 
petual doxology — Setting  out  wisely — Bright  skies 
clouded — "  Clear  shining  after  rain  " — Esaus  and  Ab- 
saloms — The  spirit  of  Samuel — Heroic  self-denial — ' 
"  Reverse  of  fortune  " — The  tentmaker — The  carpen- 
ter's son — The  want  of  six  cents — A  family  tryst — 
Thorn-crowned  kings — Thanksgiving  at  home — "  Eb- 
enezer  "  raised  in  the  parsonage 105 

Chap.  VII. — Development  of  the  Family  Life. 

One's  birth-place — T.  Carlyle — "  Peaceable  habitations" 
— Mutual  fidelity — Spirit  of  marriage  vows — Head  but 
not  despot — Wife,    not    woman    of    fashion — Bishop 


CONTENTS. 


Johns  and  Dr.  Charles  Hodge — Training  by  proxy- 
Duff's  boyhood — James  Hamilton's  father — "  Honor" 
— Dutifulness — Practical  good  sense — Wisdom  that  is 
deviiish — Loyalty  to  the  family — Confidence  inspired 
— Nettleton — Home-life  poisoned — "  Refractory  ego- 
tism"— Marthas  with  too  much  to  do — "Heaven's 
fallen  sister" — How  to  lift  her  up — The  power  of  love 
— Confidence — Mother  and  friend         .         .         .         .128 

Chap.  VIII. — Home  Government  and  Training. 

"  Father  Abraham  "  —  First  "  household  "  —  A  single 
dwelling — Building  up  a  family — "  What  is  Abraham 
to  us?" — Communities  live — Scattered  coals — The  pa- 
triarch taught — So  are  we — Sodom's  influence — Par- 
ents, not  deputies — Early  impressions — John  H.  New- 
man— "Parisian" — Unpaid  assistants  not  principals 
— Penalties  of  neglected  duty — Parental  austerity — 
Precocious  individualism — Its  genesis — Hotel  life — 
Imported  amusements — The  bridge  over  to  ruin — 
Rich  and  wretched — Objections — Latent  forces — Un- 
equal I'esistance — Nothing  to  me — Need  for  forewarn- 
ing— The  "fortunate" — "One  more  unfortunate" — 
Appeal  . 141 

Chap.  IX. — The  Worship  op  the  Home. 

Natural  religion — The  Lares  and  Penates — "  Opened 
with  prayer  " — What  is  urged — Regular  hours — Grace 
before  meat — What  is  family  worship — Regular  at 
meals — Scripture-reading — Music,  or  not — Fitting  se- 
lections— Touching  life — Aids  to  devotion — An  exam- 
ple— The  parting  benediction — The  reflex  side  only — 
The  higher  aspect — Unblessed  prosperity — Sorrow 
added  with  it — "  But  two  of  us" — "Only  in  rooms" 
— "  So  little  time  '* — "  Strangers  with  us  " — "  No  gift 
of  prayer" — An  elder's  preparation — "Family  take 
no  interest" — Difficulties  to  be  conquered — Prayer 
put  aside  by  society — Second  generation  sinning — Pun- 
ished by  the  third — Illustration — Family  unity — The 
priest  in  the  home — A  soldier's  lasting  fame — A 
prophecy  of  heaven 171 


vi  CONTENTS. 

PACtK 

Chap.  X. — Secondary  Elements  in  True  Home-life. 

Divine  government  uses  means — "  Within  our  means '' — 
Results  of  imprudence — The  alternative — A  wise  her- 
oine— A  broad  battle-ground — Beginning  honestly — 
The  poets — How  to  do  it — The  power  of  gentleness — 
"A  real  lady'' — One's  connections — Hospitality — 
"Dear  five  hundred  friends" — Cicero  on  friendship — 
The  communion  of  saints — The  ideal  of  a  friend — 
"Faithfully,  yours  ever" — The  true  humanity — Sul- 
len obedience  not  obedience — Grown-up  children — 
Giving  confidences — Parents  not  lodging-house  keep- 
ers— "What  is  the  matter  with  father?" — Mother  a 
confidante — Hungry  hearts 1 93 

Chap.  XI. — Enemies  of  the  Home. 

Infected  walls — Poisoned  atmosphere — Ruined  life — 
"Dangerous" — "Poison" — Disorder — Some  one  to 
reflect  upon — Recrimination — Home  regulation — Pa- 
tience with  the  learners — The  easy  descent — Children 
ruined — Extravagance — A  bad  brotherhood — Intem- 
perance— Injury  to  the  innocent — "Those  brothers  of 
hers" — Bonds  of  hospitality,  chains  of  tyranny — The 
apostle's  ground — Ill-temper — "A  hell  upon  earth  " — 
Piety  at  home — Not  religion — Starving  parents — Wide 
religious  divergences — How  to  guard  against  them — 
A  four-fold  duty 213 

Chap.  XII. — Our  Father's  House,  the  Heavenly  Home. 

Secularism — Christians  the  true  friends  of  the  age — The 
real  liberals — "Free  thought" — Believers  have  evi- 
dence— Appropriate — Adequate — Free  living — Reve- 
lation made  the  home — The  natural  craving — The 
adequate  supply — Fountain  forsaken — Broken  cisterns 
set  up — Their  defect — The  great  mutual  benefit  soci- 
ety— Terms  of  admission — "Come" — Education  in 
what? — Unity  of  this  life  and  the  next — "Plots  of 
heaven" — Two  forms  of  connection — Gloom  below — 
Light  above — "Light  affliction" — Weight  of  glory — 
Preparation  for  enjoyment  of  heaven — Recognition  in 
heaven  ..........  229 


INTRODUCTORY  NOTE. 


The  story  of  this  little  book  is  easily  told. 
The  editor  of  the  publications  of  the  American 
Sunday-School  Union  asked  me  to  suggest  a 
writer  who  could  furnish  such  a  work  as  would 
serve  the  end  contemplated  in  the  generous 
provision  made  under  the  Fund  created  in  ac- 
cordance with  the  bequest  of  the  late  John  C. 
Green. 

I  indicated  the  minister  whom  I  deemed — 
from  his  knowledge,  experience  and  style  of 
religious  life — best  fitted  for  the  work.  After 
careful  deliberation  he  concluded  that  his  duties 
made  it  impossible  for  him  to  assume  the  re- 
sponsibility. 

The  Union  then,  over-estimating  my  fitness 
for  the  work,  invited  me  to  undertake  it,  kindly 
allowing  ample  time.      It  was  not,  however, 

(vii) 


viii  INTRODUCTORY  NOTE. 

until  the  last  summer,  when  I  was  detained  by 
other  duties  in  the  city,  and  when  the  absence 
of  most  of  the  people  cut  off  the  pleasant 
work  of  pastoral  visitation,  that  it  was  possible 
to  give  it  proper  attention.  The  effort  has  been 
to  produce  a  truthful  and  useful  rather  than  a 
learned  or  brilliant  book.  The  divine  word, 
such  acquaintance  with  human  nature  as  a 
minister  gains,  and  deep  sympathy  with  one's 
kind — these  have  been  drawn  upon,  and  the 
result  is  sent  forth  with  the  hope  that  God  who 
"  setteth  the  solitary  in  families  "  will  use  it  to 
enforce  the  importance  of  founding  and  main- 
taining family  life  upon  the  principles  declared 
in  his  word  and  by  his  providential  govern- 
ment. Then  it  will  have  accomplished  the 
purpose  of  the  writer,  of  the  national  society 
that  seeks  the  highest  good  of  the  young,  and 
of  the  generous  donor  whose  own  life  was  emi- 
nently consistent  and  elevated. 

J.  Hall. 

New  Youiv,  November,  1883. 


THE  JOHN  C.  GREEN  FUND  BOOKS. 


The  preparation  of  this  volume  has  been  secured  under 
the  provisions  of  the  John  C.  Green  Fund,  founded  in  1877. 

By  the  deeds  of  gift  and  of  trust  on  behalf  of  the  residu- 
ary legatees  of  the  estate  of  John  C.  Green  to  the  American 
Sunday-School  Union,  among  other  things,  it  is  provided  that 
one-sixth  of  the  net  interest  and  income  of  this  Fund,  shall 
be  set  aside  and  applied  by  the  Board  of  Officers  and  Man- 
agers of  the  American  Sunday-School  Union,  for  the  purpose 
of  aiding  them  in  securing  a  Sunday-school  literature  of  the 
highest  order  of  merit,  either  by  procuring  works  upon  a 
given  subject  germane  to  the  objects  of  the  society,  to  be 
written  or  compiled  by  authors  of  established  reputation  and 
known  ability,  or  by  offering  premiums  for  manuscripts 
suitable  for  publication  by  the  Union,  in  accordance  with  the 
objects  of  its  institution,  in  such  form  and  manner  as  the 
Board  may  determine. 

The  premium  plan  is  to  be  followed  at  least  once  out  of 
every  three  times. 

It  is  further  provided  that  the  manuscripts  thus  procured 
become  the  exclusive  property  of  the  society,  with  no  charge 
to  purchasers  for  copyright,  and  with  the  intent  to  reduce 
the  selling  price  of  any  book  issued  under  the  provisions  of 
the  Fund. 


Being  thus  modestly  and  soberly  trained,  and  rather  made 
subject  by  thee  to  her  parents  than  by  her  parents  to  thee, 
when  she  had  arrived  at  a  marriageable  age  she  was  given 
to  her  husband,  whom  she  served  as  her  lord.  And  she 
busied  herself  to  gain  him  to  thee,  preaching  thee  unto  him 
by  her  behavior  :  by  which  thou  madest  her  fair  and  rever- 
ently amiable,  and  admirable  unto  her  husband. — Crams- 
>F  Augustine,  book  is.,  ch.  ix.  (concerning  his  motherl. 


A  CHRISTIAN  HOME. 


CHAPTER  I. 

THE    FAMILY ITS    EARLY    HISTORY. 

The  family  and  the  community — Houses  not  homes — The 
right  spirit — The  family  precedes  society — Man  and  woman 
— Marriage  divine — Why  a  religious  rite — Yet  not  a  sacra- 
ment— Its  civil  side — Polygamy — Patriarchal  experiences 
— Mixed  marriages — Social  barriers  against — Solomon's 
folly — Jezebel's  influence — Ezra's  difficulties — Principles 
running  on  into  the  New  Testament — Marrying  "  in  the 
Lord." 

In  some  points  of  view  the  community  is 
made  up  of  the  individuals  whom  it  includes. 
The  population  of  a  city  is  the  number  of  sep- 
arate persons  the  city  contains.  But,  on  the 
side  of  its  moral  character,  the  community  is 
made  up  of  the  families  within  it,  and  what 
they  are  as  to  purity,  order  and  religion  the 
community  will  be.  In  most  great  cities 
there  are  districts  in  which  the  families  are 
few  in  comparison  with  the  number  of  individ- 
uals.    Such  districts  are  commonlv  the  haunts 


12  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

of  criminals,  and  even  the  value  of  the  prop- 
erty is  usually  lowered  as  the  result.  In  such 
places  there  are  houses  but  not  homes,  dwell- 
ings but  not  families. 

As  is  the  moral  influence  in  families,  prop- 
erly so  called,  such,  in  time,  will  the  commun- 
ity become.  The  right  condition  of  the  family 
constitution  and  relations  is,  therefore,  vital  to 
the  welfare  of  society ;  and  in  a,  nation  like 
ours — constantly  receiving  from  other  lands 
accessions  to  its  numbers,  with  their  separate 
formative  influences — it  is  all-important  that 
the  institution  which  preceded  civil  society 
and  underlies  its  arrangements  should  be  kept 
in  its  place  and  practically  dealt  with,  accord- 
ing to  the  divine  will. 

Christian  people,  while  they  should  strive  to 
have  the  civil  law  under  which  they  live  in 
harmony  with  the  divine,  cannot  always  realize 
their  aim ;  but  in  the  regulation  of  their  own 
lives  they  are  never  voluntarily  to  disregard 
the  divine  requirements.  Our  question  is  not  to 
be,  What  can  I  do  without  incurring  penalties 
from  the  state?  but.  What  will  the  Lord  have 
me  to  do  ?     A  man  may  be  a  drunkard  in  his 


THE   FAMILY— ITS  EARLY  HISTORY.  13 

own  dwelling,  a  gambler  in  the  town,  a  bad 
husband  or  father  or  son,  and  yet  escape  civil 
penalties ;  but  a  Christian  counts  the  divine 
disapproval  reason  enough  for  turning  his  back 
upon  anything,  however  grateful  to  the  natural 
appetites  or  sanctioned  by  society. 

In  view,  therefore,  of  the  family  as  influ- 
encing the  character  of  society,  and  of  the 
divine  word  as  the  rule  of  practice,  we  can 
hardly  ask  too  often  or  too  earnestly  what  is 
the  will  of  our  Creator  in  this  matter.  If  there 
be  in  us  the  spirit  of  his  children — the  true, 
indescribable  sympathy  with  "  the  whole  fam- 
ily in  heaven  and  earth  "  named  after  Jesus — 
we  shall  be  at  no  loss  to  catch  the  meaning  of 
his  words  and  deeds,  just  as  a  true  son  or 
daughter,  as  by  an  instinct,  apprehends  the 
desires  of  a  trusted  parent. 

"  Whate'er  my  God  ordains  is  right ; 
My  light,  my  life  is  he, 
Who  cannot  will  me  aught  but  good ; 
I  trust  him  utterly. 

For  well  I  know, 
In  joy  or  woe, 
We  once  shall  see,  as  sunlight  clear, 
How  faithful  was  our  Guardian  here."* 

*  Rodigast,  translated  by  Catharine  Winkworth. 


14  A    CH&ISTIAN  HOME. 

Society  had  not  yet  begun  to  be  when  the 
Creator  instituted  the  family,  laying  its  founda- 
tions in  the  first  generation.  Master  as  Adam 
was,  under  God,  of  the  new  and  perfect  world. 
his  nature,  as  his  Creator  framed  it,  and 
the  perpetuation  of  the  race,  required  more. 
The  earth  might  have  been  peopled  with 
human,  as  heaven  with  angelic,  beings,  "who 
neither  marry  nor  are  given  in  marriage ;"  but 
it  pleased  God  to  create  one  man  and  then  one 
woman,  the  mode  of  it  being  doubtless  intended 
to  be  remembered  and  understood  by  men  as 
the  exhibition  of  the  closeness  and  sacredness 
of  the  marriage  bond.  The  words  of  the  first 
Adam  in  his  innocence,  "  This  is  now  bone  of 
my  bones,and  flesh  of  my  flesh"  (Gen.  2  :  23), 
are  interpreted  and  expanded  by  the  Second 
Adam  in  reply  to  the  Pharisees  :  "  Have  ye 
not  read,  that  he  which  made  them  at  the  be- 
ginning made  them  male  and  female,  and  said, 
For  this  cause  shall  a  man  leave  father  and 
mother,  and  shall  cleave  to  his  wife :  and  they 
twain  shall  be  one  flesh?  "Wherefore  they  are 
no  more  twain,  but  one  flesh.  What  therefore 
God    hath  joined    together,  let  nut  man   put 


THE  FAM.IL  Y—ITS  EARL  Y  HISTOR  Y.  1 5 

asunder"  (Matt.  19:4-6).  To  count  this  a 
mere  civil  contract  is  to  confuse  the  elements 
of  things.  There  was  then  no  society  in  exist- 
ence. No  state  had  been  constituted ;  no  law 
had  been  made  by  men.  It  was  a  distinct, 
divine  arrangement.  According  to  its  very 
nature,  there  were  relations  and  duties  to  each 
other,  but  there  was  also  obligation  to  God, 
who  determined  the  character  of  the  union  and 
assigned  the  duties  springing  out  of  it.  When 
civil  society  came  into  existence,  its  duty  was  to 
recognize  a  principle  already  established  from 
above,  and  to  adapt  itself  thereto.  So  "  marriage 
vows"  now  are  from  both  parties  to  God  no  less 
than  from  each  to  the  other.  Hence,  where  the 
inspired  history  of  the  race  is  believed,  marriage 
is  in  the  divine  name ;  and  hence  the  ceremony 
is  attended  with  religious  exercises,  and  with 
the  service  of  a  minister  of  religion. 

It  seems  of  some  importance  to  have  clear 
ideas  on  this  subject  at  the  present  time.  In 
one  section  of  Christendom  marriage  is  made  a 
sacrament  like  the  Lord's  Supper.*     This  has 

*  In  the  Vulgate  translation  of  Eph.  5  :  32  the  words  are 
sucramentum  hoc  magnum  est,  the  word  sacramentum  being 


16  A    CHRISTIAN  HUME. 

been  rejected  by  all  Protestants.  But  the 
alternative  is  not  the  theory  of  a  mere  civil 
contract.  The  civil  law  will  regulate  certain 
matters  between  parent  and  child,  for  example ; 
but  the  civil  law  does  not  make  the  relation. 
So  it  regulates  certain  matters  between  hus- 
band and  wife,  but  the  relation  itself  is  founded 
in  '''nature"  to  those  who  do  not  enjoy  revela- 
tion, and  in  the  divine  appointment  to  us  who 
do.  ';  That  was  not  first  which  is  spiritual. 
but  that  which  is  natural."  For  its  own  pur- 
poses society  takes  notice  and  keeps  the  records 
of  marriages,  and  the  Christian,  who  is  to  be 
a  good  citizen,  is  to  aid  in  this  precaution ;  but 
he  marries  "in  the  Lord."* 

commonly  employed  in  the  Latin  for  the  Greek  word  ren- 
dered "mystery,''  which  in  the  New  Testament  means  a 
thing  not  discoverahle  hy  reason,  hut  known  hy  revelation. 
So  the  gospel  (Eph.  3  : 3-9),  the  ultimate  conversion  of  the 
Jews  (Rom.  11  :  25),  the  incarnation  (1  Tim.  3  :  16),  and  the 
meaning  of  the  golden  candlesticks  (Rev.  1  :  20),  are  all 
called  "  mysteries ;"  hut  they  are  not  sacraments.  And 
indeed  when  the  apostle  says,  in  connection  with  marriage. 
"This  is  a  great  mystery,"  he  is  not  speaking  of  marriage 
as  such,  hut  of  the  spiritual  use  he  is  there  making  of  it; 
for  he  adds,  "  I  speak  concerning  Christ  and  the  church." 

*  It  follows,  of  course,  that  polygamy,  concubinage  and 
all  such  Iranian  arrangements  are  opposed  to  the  divine  will. 


THE   FAMILY— ITS  EARLY  HISTORY.  17 

We  may  form  some  idea  of  God's  estimate 
of  marriage  as  an  element  in  forming  character 
from  an  examination  of  the  way  in  which  he 
has  dealt  with  his  servants! 

Abraham  was  married  when  called,  but  there 
is  evidence  that  both  he  and  his  wife  required 
training  and  discipline  before  the  promised 
seed  was  given  to  them.  It  is  not  hard  to 
imagine  the  depression,  the  heart-burnings, 
the  domestic  trials,  involved  in  the  history  of 

He  made  one  man  and  one  woman,  and  constituted  the  two 
one  pair,  one  flesh.  The  often  misused  passage  in  Mai. 
2  :  15  is  to  this  point :  "  And  did  not  he  make  one  ?  Yet  had 
he  the  residue  of  the  Spirit.  And  wherefore  one  ?  That  he 
might  seek  a  godly  seed.  Therefore  take  heed  to  your 
spirit,  and  let  none  deal  treacherously  against  the  wife  of  his 
youth."  The  "spirit"  here  is  not  the  Holy  Ghost,  which 
we  are  enjoined  to  ask,  but  the  creative  energy  of  him  who, 
had  he  meant  man  to  be  polygamous,  could  have  made  for 
Adam  two  or  twenty  wives.  But  he  made  one  man  and  one 
woman,  and  made  them  one  pair  or  flesh.  And  wherefore? 
"That  he  might  seek  a  godly  seed" — perpetuate,  that  is,  a 
godly  race.  This  is  the  best-sustained  view  of  the  text.  It 
is  true  polygamy  was  tolerated  in  some  parts  of  the  Jewish 
history  ;  but  any  one  who  examines  the  lives  of  Abraham, 
Jacob  and  David,  who  may  be  quoted  in  favor  of  it,  will  see 
— what  is  not  commonly  noticed — that  divine  providences 
discouraged  the  relationship  in  the  life  and  home  of  each  of 
these  men  of  God.  Hagar,  Rachel,  and  David's  wives  were 
in  various  ways  parted  from  their  lords. 
2 


18  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

Hagar.  Lot  was  Abraham's  companion.  How 
far  his  wife  was  the  means  of  drawing  him  and 
his  family  into  the  city,  the  society  and  the 
ways  of  Sodom  we  cannot  say.  bat  such  a 
judgment  as  fell  on  her  is  not  usually  inflicted 
but  as  a  mark  and  punishment  of  signal  and 
continuous  sin.  It  was  not  the  natural  im- 
pulse to  look  back,  but  probably  the  habit  of 
linking  all  enjoyment  with  the  place,  that  God 
:d  and  marked  as  displeasing  to  him.* 
Abraham  felt  the  importance  of  a  godly  seed 
when  Isaac  was  to  be  married.  What  fore- 
thought, anxiety  and  precaution  against  his 
union  with  a  daughter  of  the  land  we  have  re- 
ported to  as,  ending  in  the  mission  of  the 
prayerful  Eleazar  and  the  bringing  of  Rebekah ! 
There  is  a  glimpse  of  Oriental  adventure  in  the 
twenty-fourth  chapter  of  Genesis ;    but  there 

*  There  is  nothing  in  the  Scripture  narrative,  of  course,  to 
justify  the  notion — taken  up  in  a  later  time — that  she  was 
changed  into,  or  made  to  stand  up  encrusted  with,  salt. 
This  is  one  of  the  conceptions  we  get  from  the  Apocrypha, 
probably.  All  that  is  said  is  that  she  lost  her  life,  and  when 
at  some  later  time  the  body  was  found,  it  was  "  a  pillar  of 
salt.*'  The  traditions  and  supposed  ''pillars"  only  show 
how  widely  the  event  was  known  and  how  deep  an  impres- 
sion it  made. 


THE  FAMILY— ITS  EARLY  HISTORY.  J  9 

is  also  a  deep  and  practical  truth  which  the, 
young  would  do  well  to  study.  Prayer  to  God 
for  guidance  is  the  expression  of  our  own  sense 
of  need  of  direction  :  the  absence  of  it  and  the 
making  of  the  choice  without  regard  to  the 
Almighty  is  practically  to  say,  "  I  am  able  to 
arrange  this  matter  of  myself."  If  the  results 
are  unsatisfactory,  the  responsibility  is  not  on 
the  Lord ;  and  even  with  a  believer  he  cannot 
be  expected  to  interpose  and  avert  the  natural 
results  of  such  a  disregard  of  his  claims. 

In  the  family  of  Isaac  the  wayward  and  self- 
asserting  Esau  disregarded  the  family  tradition 
and  married  the  daughters  of  Heth,  to  his 
mother's  great  grief,  and  to  the  stimulating  of 
her  zeal  in  behalf  of  Jacob,  and  a  marriage  by 
him  among  their  own  kindred.  It  is  foreign 
to  our  purpose  to  linger  on  details ;  but  it 
would  not  be  difficult  to  show  that  in  these 
suggestive  memoirs  every  departure  from  the 
path  of  obedience  to  God  is  followed  by  some 
expression  of  divine  displeasure,  even  when 
the  wrong-doer  is  an  acknowledged  servant  of 
God.  Though  he  forgives  the  sin,  he  marks 
his  displeasure  with  "  their  inventions "   (Ps. 


20  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

99:8).  The  notices  of  the  lives  of  Jacob, 
David,  Judah,  and  even  Moses,  contain  ample 
illustration  of  this  statement.  Domestic  strifes, 
envyings  and  violence  are  among  the  recorded 
results.*  Just  as  the  fall  of  Sodom  foreshad- 
owed the  overthrow  of  the  Canaanites,  who 
should  have  taken  it  as  a  warning,  so  these 
sorrows  in  the  patriarchal  families,  following 
upon  sins,  should  have  been  warnings  against 
judgments  which  the  like  lawlessness  afterwards 
brought  upon  kings  and  people. 

It  is  not  to  be  wondered  at,  therefore,  if  the 
God  of  Israel  warned  the  people  against  mak- 
ing marriages  with  the  daughters  of  the  land. 
(See  Deut.  7  :  3.)  The  prohibition  uttered 
through  Moses  is  solemnly  renewed  by  Joshua 
in  his  dying  counsels  (Josh.  23  :  12, 13).  Not 
a  few  of  the  peculiarities  enforced  upon  the 
Hebrews,  as  to  religious  rites,  social  usages, 
perhaps  even  dress,  and  in  all  likelihood  also 
the  slow  and  difficult  way  in  which  Gentiles 
could  be  taken  into  the  Hebrew  fellowship, 
were  meant  to  keep  up  this  separation.     His- 

*  See  in  proof  of  this  G  :  25  :   38  :  7 ;   Ex.  4  : 

24-26. 


THE  FAMILY— ITS  EARLY  HISTORY.  21 

tory  to-day  shows  the  efficacy  of  these  pre- 
cautionary measures.  The  formal  and  weighty 
reason  given  for  the  interdict  is  (Deut.  7  :  4) 
the  danger  of  apostasy,  through  such  unions, 
from  the  service  of  the  Almighty.  Subsequent 
Hebrew  history  justifies  the  restriction.  The 
wisdom  of  Solomon  has  its  glory  stained  by  his 
apostasy  in  consequence  of  the  forbidden  mar- 
riages. Is  there  a  sadder  history  anywhere, 
even  of  a  king,  than  that  of  Solomon's  closing 
years  ?  When  so  lofty  a  man  could  be  quoted 
as  a  precedent,  it  was  not  strange  if  later  kings 
followed  the  example.  With  an  expression  of 
wonder  at  the  audacity  of  his  course,  the  sacred 
historian  tells  us  how  Ahab  took  to  wife  Jeze- 
bel (1  Kings  16  :  31),  the  princess  of  the  Zidon- 
ians,  so  inaugurating  a  series  of  tragedies,  and 
linking  with  Israel  a  name  which  stands  for  a 
mission  of  evil  and  the  attendant  wrath  of  God 
to  the  end  of  time.  The  dark  device  which 
Balaam  taught  the  Moabites  to  use  against 
Israel  (see  Rev.  2  :  14  compared  with  Num. 
24)  was  thus  brought  into  operation  under 
royal  sanction,  and  the  attractions  of  heathen 
women  were  used  to  give  to  sin  swift  currency, 


22  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

and  to  bring  down  threatened  judgments. 
When  Ezra  sets  about  the  work  of  reform, 
these  unlawful  intermarriages  (Ezra  9,  10) 
form  one  of  the  greatest  hindrances  in  his  way, 
for  not  the  common  people,  but  the  princes 
and  chiefs,  and  even  members  of  the  priesthood, 
had  been  leaders  in  the  lamentable  course. 

With  these  principles  urged  in  the  earlier 
Scriptures,  with  the  consequences  of  disregard- 
ing them  illustrated  in  the  gloomy  memoirs  of 
Israelitish  kings  and  people  and  enforced  in 
the  prophets,  it  is  no  wonder  that  the  New 
Testament  should  assume  that  God's  servants 
of  the  later  Israel  would  marry  only  in  the 
Lord  (1  Cor.  7  :  39 ;  2  Cor.  6  :  14-18).  Here 
the  directions  relate  to  Gentile  believers  who 
come  to  Christ  after  they  have  been  married, 
and  whose  wives  hesitate  about  continuing  the 
relationship.  The  lines  were  so  drawn  in  the 
apostolic  time  between  the  persecuted  Chris- 
tians and  their  fellow  citizens,  and  the  distress 
apprehended  by  them  was  so  great  (Paul  mak- 
ing it  a  sufficient  reason  for  foregoing  marriage 
at  that  time,  1  Cor.  7) ,  that  the  temptations  to 
such  unions  would  not  be  so  many  or  so  strong 


THE  FAMILY— ITS  EARLY  HISTORY.  23 

as  in  a  later  time.  The  "unbeliever"  would 
of  course  be  a  pronounced  and  decided  foe  of 
the  new  faith,  and  of  course  fellowship,  com- 
mon sympathy,  co-operation  in  worship  and 
service,  and  the  general  godly  regulation  of 
life  would  be  out  of  the  question. 

So  much  it  is  proper  for  us  to  recall  concern- 
ing marriage  in  the  Old  Testament.  Like 
some  other  institutions,  it  has  within  it,  as 
seen  in  history,  a  certain  element  of  evolution. 
We  understand  it  better  in  the  present  from 
having  before  the  mind,  in  some  degree,  what 
it  has  been  in  the  past. 


What  kind  of  yoke  is  that  of  two  believers,  partakers  of 
one  hope,  one  desire,  one  discipline,  one  and  the  same  serv- 
ice? Both  are  brethren,  both  fellow  servants,  no  difference 
of  spirit  or  of  flesh ;  nay,  they  are  truly  two  in  one  flesh. 
Where  the  flesh  is  one  the  spirit  is  one  too.  Together  they 
pray,  together  prostrate  themselves,  together  perform  their 
fasts ;  mutually  teaching,  mutually  exhorting,  mutually  sus- 
taining.— Teetulliax  to  his  wife,  vol.  i.,  p.  303. 


CHAPTER  II. 

NEW    TESTAMENT    LIGHT    IN    THE    HOME. 

Jewish  errors  corrected — Genesis  endorsed — Tempters  re- 
buked— The  law  in  Paradise — Romish  views — The  wed- 
ding in  Cana — Significance  of  the  Saviour's  course — Still 
to  be  invited — Parental  feeling  known  to  him — Child- 
obedience  also — Misread  words — His  high  example — Beth- 
any— Christ  and  the  children — His  "Father's  house" — 
New  Testament  homes — Ephesians  instructed — Oberlin — 
Children's  lesson — King  Lear — Parents'  monuments — A 
picture — God-like  love — The  "help" — Deputy-mothers — 
Undermining  communism — Philemon. 

It  would  be  strange  indeed  if  that  New 
Testament  which  revolutionized  the  world,  and 
which  is  a  perfect  guide  to  all  times  and  all 
lands  in  all  things  that  affect  faith  and  life,  did 
not  touch,  at  many  points,  the  life  of  the  family. 
Our  Lord,  who  cleared  the  Mosaic  law  of  the 
misreadings  and  misconceptions  of  the  Hebrews 
in  the  "  sermon  on  the  mount,"  set  his  hearers 
right  also  regarding  marriage.  Matthew  (19  : 
3-9)  tells  us  how  the  Pharisees  tempted  him 
with  a  casuistical  question  as  to  divorce.  Pos- 
sibly they  hoped  to  draw  out  views  like  the 

(25) 


26  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

Baptist's,  and  in  Herod's  dominion*  draw  on 
him  the  same  hostility.  He  replies  by  referring 
them  to  the  record  of  creation.  He  thus  puts 
his  seal  of  approbation  on  the  earliest  chapters 
of  Genesis ;  and  no  Pharisee  or  Sadducee  ever 
met  his  points  by  the  denial  of  this  historic 
character.  "  He  who  made  them  at  the  begin- 
ning, made  them  male  and  female."  He  did 
not  make  merely  two  persons.  He  made  two 
persons  adapted  to  each  other,  each  needing 
the  other.  Man,  then  innocent,  and  of  one 
mind  with  God,  and  not  yet  deprived  by  sin  of 
that  part  of  the  divine  image  which  consists  in 
knowledge  (Col.  3  :  10),  draws  a  conclusion  ac- 

*  Great  interest  attaches  to  this  reference  in  our  own  time, 
arising  from  the  attacks  on  the  historical  character  of  Gene- 
sis. Our  Lord  quotes  Genesis  as  a  historic  book,  and  he 
quotes  from  the  first  and  second  chapters  as  a  continuous 
narrative,  as  Alford  has  pointed  out.  He  does  this  in  refer- 
ence to  a  scholastic  point  of  great  interest  at  the  time,  and 
dividing  the  schools  of  Hillel  and  Shammai,  much  as  the 
schoolmen  of  Christendom  were  divided  regarding  the  divorce 
case  of  Henry  the  Eighth,  at  the  Reformation.  Our  Lord 
would  not  have  rested  his  case  on  anything  merely  tradi- 
tional or  ideal,  or  other  than  historicaL  He  knew  well  all 
the  bearings  of  the  discussion  on  the  case  of  Herod  and  his 
reckless  wife,  to  whose  hostility,  it  may  be,  the  Pharisees 
hoped  to  expose  Jesus. 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  27 

cording  to  God's  mind,  so  that  it  is  here  put  as 
his  (Gen.  2  :  24) ;  or  v.  24  may  be  the  direct 
divine  teaching.  "  For  this  cause  shall  a  man 
leave  father  and  mother,  and  shall  cleave 
to  his  wife ;  and  they  twain  shall  be  one 
flesh."  Then  come  words  which  all  Christian 
churches  have  adopted,  and  the  force  of  which, 
let  us  hope,  society,  for  its  own  sake,  will  never 
ignore  in  legislation  or  in  sentiment :  "  What 
therefore  God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  man 
put  asunder."  The  tempters  take  refuge,  with 
an  ingenuity  that  anticipates  the  Jesuits,  in  a 
perversion  of  Moses.  "  Why  did  Moses  then 
command  to  give  a  writing  of  divorcement, 
and  to  put  her  away  ?"  Our  Lord's  reply 
touches  their  perversion.  He  did  not  "  com- 
mand ;"  he  "  suffered."  He  did  not  make  the 
principle  general ;  he  suffered  you,  for  special 
reasons, — "  the  hardness  of  your  hearts."  The 
sin  was  being  committed  :  he  regulated,  limited 
it,  required  form  and  order,  and  the  utmost 
protection  to  the  woman  so  unhappily  placed, 
and  thus  reduced  the  evil.  "  From  the  begin- 
ning," in  Paradise,  "  it  was  not  so ;"  and  our 
Lord  proceeds  to  indicate  the  only  exception 


28  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

pertinent  to  the  case  in  hand,  and  presents  it 
in  such  a  way  as  not  to  confine  the  question  to 
the  case  of  the  ■woman  only.*  Human  legisla- 
tion must  always  work  mischief  when  it  ignores 
the  principle  of  this  statement  in  any  direction. 
Rome  has  made  marriage  a  sacrament,  and 
bases  its  indissolubility,  not  on  Christ's  ground, 
but  on  the  church  rite.  But  Romish  popula- 
tions, where  most  imbued  with  this  idea — in 
Europe  and  in  South  America — are  most  loose 
in  the  matter  of  personal  purity.  Divorces  in 
form  are  not  chargeable  on  the  community  in- 
deed, but  the  community  is  not  the  purer  on 
that  account.  Elsewhere  facilities  for  divorce 
have  been  unduly  multiplied,  and  the  sanctity 
of  the  marriage  tie  is  sacrificed.  Marriages  are 
hastily  and  thoughtlessly  contracted,  because  a 
show  of  '•'  incompatibility  "  will  suffice  to  break 
them.  Thoughtful  men  are  awaking  to  the 
mischiefs  which  this  policy  is  producing. 

It  was  by  no  mere  accident  that  our  Lord 
and  his  disciples  appeared  at  the  marriage  in 
Cana.      His    kingdom   is  peace    and  joy.     It 

*For  further  reference  to  this  matter,  see  the  chapter  on 
the  Ethics  of  the  Borne. 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN    THE  HOME.  29 

banishes  sin,  and  so  banishes  misery.  It  is 
light  and  holy  gladness.  John's  preparatory 
work  had  an  inevitable  look  of  austerity.  It  was 
overthrowing  in  part.  Christ's  is  building  up. 
It  is  gladdening.  It  transforms,  elevates,  puri- 
fies. It  provides  for  present  and  for  future 
wants.  All  this  is  illustrated  by  "the  begin- 
ning of  miracles."  The  water  of  earth  he  can 
turn  into  the  wine  of  heavenly  gladness,  and 
by  a  word.  And  this  typical  and  suggestive 
display  of  power,  and  of  the  character  of  his 
dispensation,  is  at  a  family  feast.  It  puts 
honor  on  the  relationship  of  husband  and  wife, 
as  the  system  fully  developed  banishes  polyg- 
amy, lifts  up  woman,  founds  the  family,  and 
lays  the  basis  for  a  pure  society.  It  is  the 
identification  too  of  the  miracle-worker  with 
the  Ruler  of  all.  He  who  transforms  the  rains 
of  the  sky  and  the  moisture  of  earth  into  the 
grape  and  the  gladdening  wine,  here  condenses 
the  long  and  complex  process  into  a  moment 
before  men's  eyes.  He  is  Lord  of  all ;  and  he 
will  not  have  his  lordship  forgotten  now  that 
he  is  entering  on  his  distinctive  work.  Even 
the  natural  tie  which  bound  him  to  his  mother 


30  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

is  to  be  disregarded  now  that  he  enters  on  the 
work  his  Father  in  heaven  has  given  him  to 
do.  Happy  they  who,  counting  him  Lord  and 
Master,  invite  him  to  their  marriage  feasts,  and 
wise  are  they  who  keep  away  from  them  all 
that  he  would  not  approve.  His  presence  is 
no  check  on  gladness ;  it  lifts  it  up,  and  makes 
it  holy  joy. 

Nor  is  he  indifferent  to  the  nature  of  pa- 
rental feeling,  as  God  implants  it.  "  If  ye, 
being  evil,  know  how  to  give  good  gifts  unto 
your  children,"  he  says,  and  in  the  spirit  of 
his  words  he  responds  to  the  appeals  of  parents 
for  their  offspring.  He  who  drew  the  inim- 
itable lines  of  the  picture  of  the  prodigal  son 
knew  the  heart  of  a  parent  and  of  a  child.  The 
three  persons  whom  he  raised  from  the  dead 
were  an  only  son,  an  only  daughter,  and  an 
only  brother  (Luke  7:11,12-15,  8:41-56; 
John  11  :  1-45).  He  knew  the  aggravation 
of  bereavements  in  such  cases. 

In  his  own  early  life  he  illustrated  the  duti- 
ful subordination  proper  in  the  child  to  the 
parent.  Notwithstanding  the  urgency  of  his 
Father's  business,  which  he  cannot  but  antici- 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  31 

pate  even  in  boyhood,  he  went  back  from  the 
temple  and  the  admiring  doctors  with  Joseph 
and  Mary,  and  came  to  Nazareth  and  was  sub- 
ject unto  them  (Luke  2:  51).  There  was  no 
irreverence  in  his  question,  "  Wist  ye  not  that 
I  must  be  about  my  Father's  business  ?"  any 
more  than  in  the  words  of  John  2:4,  when 
rightly  understood*    So  Luke  is  careful  to  tell 

*  Young  readers  have  been  puzzled  over  this  language  as 
abrupt,  disrespectful  in  form  and  in  spirit.  This  impression 
is  taken,  first,  from  the  style  of  address,  and  secondly,  from 
the  question,  "  What  have  I  to  do  with  thee?" 

But  the  first  is  not  in  any  degree  contemptuous,  in  the 
language  of  many  nations.  See,  for  example,  the  same  word 
used  in  John  20:  1 5,  "  Woman,  why  weepest  thou?"  Still 
more  conclusive  is  the  case  of  John  19 :  26,  where  the  dying 
Son  says  from  the  cross,  "  Woman,  behold  thy  son  !"  Dion 
Cassius,  who  wrote  the  history  of  Rome  in  Greek,  makes 
Augustus  say  to  Cleopatra,  when  he  meant  nothing  but  what 
was  deferential,  "  0  woman,  take  courage,  and  keep  a  good 
heart."  It  is  interesting  to  notice  that  in  Scotland  the  most 
earnest  style  of  address  to  an  individual  is  in  this  form.  A 
popular  writer  of  the  day  makes  an  educated  man  say  to  hi^ 
friend,  "Why,  man,  how  could  there  be  any  such  thing?" 
(Black's  Yolande.)  It  is  common  enough  to  emphasize  it  col- 
loquially by  saying,  "  Man  alive  I" 

As  to  the  question,  "  What  have  I  to  do  with  thee  " — liter- 
ally, "  what  is  that  to  thee  and  me?"  it  is  not  disrespectful 
like  the  English  "  mind  your  own  business."  It  is  often 
used  in  connections  implying  courtesy,  as  Judges  11:  12;  2 


32  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

us  of  the  subjection.  "  The  blossom  of  his 
inner  life,  which  had  opened  and  spread  abroad 
its  first  fragrance  in  the  temple,  was  to  continue 
expanding  it  in  the  obscurity  of  Nazareth  ;  and 
Mary  was  to  wait  eighteen  years,  keeping 
all  those  sayings  in  her  heart,  before  anything 
else  unprecedented  should  occur."  *  But  the 
ineffably  grave  character  of  his  work  did  not 
bury  out  of  his  sight  the  relationship  ordained 
of  his  Father.  Hanging  on  the  cross,  bearing 
a  load  the  like  of  which  never  lay  on  any  other, 
his  eye  found  out  the  guardian  of  his  early 
human  life,  and  his  wise  foresight  provided  for 
her :  "  Woman, behold  thy  son !"  To  the  disciple : 
••  Behold  thy  mother  !"  And  John,  who  had  a 
good  social  position,  "  from  that  hour  .  .  .  took 
her  unto  his  own  homey  0  sons  of  self-sacri- 
ficing mothers !   now,  perhaps,  lonely,  feeble. 

Sam.  16  :  10,  and  especially  Matt.  27:  19,  where  Pilate's  wife 
meant  only  respect  for  Jesus.  Our  Lord  meant  to  convey 
the  idea  that  now  he  was  entering  on  his  Father's  work,  and 
that  his  obedience  to  him  took  precedence  of  regard  to  her. 
It  is  the  same  idea  involved  in  his  language,  Luke  2 :  43,  49. 
"Thy  father  and  I,"  said  Mary,  referring  to  Joseph.  "  My 
Father's,"  said  Jesus,  referring  to  his  Father  in  heaven. 
*  Van  Oosterzee,  in  loc. 


NEW    TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  33 

and  hungry  for  sympathy  and  affection,  I  do  not 
say  to  you  be  manly,  be  grateful,  be  loyal,  be 
tender,  be  chivalrous.  All  this  one  might  well 
say.  I  say  to  you,  be  Christ-like,  and  before 
you  provide  for  yourself,  and  before  you  set  up 
your  own  home,  see  that  there  be  shelter,  love 
and  care  for  her  whom  you  learned,  when  you 
had  learned  little  else,  to  call  mother. 

Before  passing  to  other  portions  of  the  New 
Testament  teaching  regarding  the  home,  we 
cannot  but  note  the  side-lights  on  its  features, 
which  are  constantly  flashing  out  from  the  in- 
spired pages.  Brothers  and  sisters  may  well 
linger  over  the  brief  memories  of  Bethany. 
What  mother  who  has  read  her  Bible  has  not 
a  mental  picture  of  the  Saviour  with  the  little 
child  in  his  arms  or  set  in  the  midst  ?  Who 
that  has  watched  over  a  sick  child  and  relig- 
iously kept  the  room  quiet  forgets  the  scene 
where  he  put  all  out  but  the  parents  and 
the  three  favored  disciples,  and  then  said, 
Maiden,  arise  !  He  had  noted  the  children 
playing  in  the  market-place,  and  their  ways — 
so  truly  human  is  this  great  divine   Saviour. 

And  when  he  would  cheer  his  disciples  with 
3 


34  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

the  most  hope-inspiring  truth,  it  is  of  his 
Father's  house  in  which  there  are  many  abid- 
ing places,  even  as  the  inspiration  of  his  life  is 
to  do  his  Father's  will,  and  the  comfort  of  his 
spirit :  "  Thou  lovedst  me  before  the  founda- 
tion of  the  world." 

We  have  not  time  to  visit  the  abode  of 
Zacharias  and  Elisabeth,  or  of  Cornelius  and 
his  household,  nor  to  follow  Lydia  and  her 
household,  active  in  business,  but  regular  at 
worship,  and  hospitable  in  the  home,  nor  to 
study  Aquila  and  Priscilla  welcoming  and  teach- 
ing Apollos,  nor  to  linger  by  the  door  of  Mary, 
the  sister  of  Barnabas  and  mother  of  John 
Mark,  where  the  Jerusalem  Christians  held 
their  night  prayer-meeting,  and  where  the  maid 
who  opened  the  door  was  so  glad  to  see  Peter 
that  she  could  not  stay  to  let  him  in,  but  must 
run  to  tell  the  rest ;  nor  can  we  delay  by  that 
house  in  Cesarea  where  Philip,  the  evangelist, 
lived  with  four  daughters,  all  teachers  of  Chris- 
tian truth — types  of  the  godly  women  now 
laboring  in  Sunday-schools,  missionary  societies, 
and  on  mission  fields.  We  must  hasten  on  to 
contemplate  that  high  ideal  of  holy  marriage 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  35 

set  up  before  the  Ephesians,  where  had  reigned , 
Oriental  lust,  where  wives  are  taught  to  submit 
themselves  unto  their  husbands  as  unto  the 
Lord,  their  headship  being,  like  his,  not  one  of 
arbitrary  authority  or  of  despotic  power,  but 
of  unselfish  love  in  a  stronger  nature ;  and  in 
which  husbands  are  bidden  to  love  their  wives 
with  a  love  in  kind  like  that  with  which  Christ 
loved  the  church,  a  love  unselfish,  patient, 
generous,  self-denying,  and  even  unto  death ;  for 
he  gave  himself  for  his  church.  Such  abiding 
affection  in  a  pure,  strong  man  will  make  it 
easy  for  the  wife  to  "  reverence  the  husband.'" 
Nor  do  we  need  to  ask  the  meaning  of  the 
same  apostle's  warning  to  husbands  regarding 
their  wives  :  "  Be  not  bitter  against  them  " — 
a  most  suggestive  censure  of  that  cold  or  su- 
percilious or  sharp  way  in  which  men  often 
deal  with  their  wives,  in  contrast  with  their 
gentleness  to  them  in  former  times,  or  to  others. 
Well  do  I  remember  a  simple  peasant  woman, 
widowed  in  her  early  married  life,  telling  me 
with  indescribable  feeling  of  the  happiness  she 
had  lost.  "  Why,"  said  she,  "  when  we  had  to 
go  to  fairs  and  markets  together,  people  used 


36  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

to  think  we  were  brother  and  sister."  He  was 
not  "  bitter  against  her."  When  Oberlin  was 
eighty  years  old  and  feeble,  he  was  met  as  he 
leaned  on  the  arm  of  his  son-in-law,  while  his 
wife,  less  infirm,  was  walking  behind  alone. 
The  old  man — gentle  and  noble — felt  bound 
to  pause  and  explain  how  it  was  that  she  was 
not  leaning  upon  him.  In  how  many  dwellings 
would  a  new  atmosphere  be  breathed  if  this 
canon  of  genuine  refinement  were  observed ! 
What  poor,  mean  criticisms,  petty  fault-findings, 
contemptuous  glances  and  tones,  would  it  ex- 
clude ! 

Nor  is  it  needful  to  explain  the  directions  to 
children  to  "  obey  your  parents  in  all  things  " 
(Col.  3  :  20),  as  the  way  of  being  "well-pleas- 
ing unto  the  Lord."  He  sees  the  whole  reach  of 
influences  and  the  whole  growth  of  character 
— that  if  the  child  learn,  in  the  sweet  and  safe 
school  of  a  happy  home,  to  obey  constituted 
authority  in  a  dear  father  and  a  tender  mother, 
the  habit  of  mind  will  run  on,  making  an 
obedient  pupil  in  school,  a  careful  employe  in 
business,  a  reverent  member  in  the  church,  and 
a  good  citizen  in  the  state. 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE   HOME.  37 

"  Children,  obey  your  parents  in  the  Lord," 
says  Hie  same  inspiring  Spirit  (Eph.  6 :  1). 
He  put  them  over  you.  They  represent  him. 
He  speaks  to  you  now  as  he  cares  and  provides 
for  you,  through  them.  "  This  is  right ;"  it  is, 
in  the  nature  of  things,  right.  It  is  right  now 
and  ever  has  been.  God  wrote  it  at  first  on 
the  human  soul,  and  when  sin  blotted  it  out 
he  wrote  it,  with  the  promise  annexed,  on 
tables  of  stone.  And  obedience  to  it  has  ever 
been  a  blessing.  "  Two  forms  of  sin,"  said  an 
aged  clergyman,  "  I  have  commonly  seen  visited 
with  sharp  punishment  here  on  earth ;  the  one, 
men's  sins  against  woman,  the  other,  neglect  of 
parents  by  their  children."  I  recall  a  scene  of 
sharpest  sorrow — an  aged  man,  bent  down  with 
disease  and  broken-hearted  because  a  son  was 
habitually  trampling  upon  his  feelings  and  in- 
terests. "  Ah  !  I  see  it  well,"  he  said.  "  I  can 
say  nothing.  I  was  a  bad  boy  to  my  father. 
I  am  punished  in  the  way  of  my  sin." 

Children,  honor  father  and  mother  in  that 
sense  in  which  the  teaching  and  ruling  elder  is 
to  have  "  double  honor."  In  France,  where  the 
partition  of  lands  is  carried  very  far,  and  the 


38  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

care  of  aged  parents  is  assigned  to  the  children 
among  whom  the  parental  farm  is  divided,  the 
utmost  care  is  needed  to  keep  the  aged  ones 
from  being  thrown  a  burden  on  the  state.  It 
is  the  misery  of  King  Lear  reproduced  in  hum- 
ble life : 

"  Sharper  than  a  serpent's  tooth  it  is 
To  have  a  thankless  child." 

Cherish  the  feelings,  maintain  the  forms,  keep 
the  language,  and,  no  matter  what  it  costs  you. 
do  the  deeds   of  affectionate  reverence. 

Nor  is  the  allwise  Spirit  unmindful  of  duty 
on  the  other  side.  "  Ye  fathers,  provoke  not 
your  children  to  wrath,"  by  unreasonable  des- 
potism, by  unwise  tyranny,  by  disheartening 
exaction.  They  are  to  be  noticed  when  they  act 
well,  appreciated  in  their  honest  efforts  to  do 
their  duty,  and  cheered  to  fresh  effort  if  they  seem 
to  fail.  "  I  never  hear  a  word  but  an  order  or 
a  complaint."  So  said  one  whose  mother  was 
querulous,  fretful  and  discontented,  and  with 
the  least  possible  reason.  On  the  other  hand, 
when  the  high  ideal  of  right  to  be  loved  and 
done  at  all  costs  is  kept  before  the  mind  in  all 
fitting  ways,  and  where  the  consistent  life  and 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  39 

the  affectionate  geniality  commend  and  illus- 
trate this  ideal,  a  power  is  being  set  to  work 
in  the  child's  mind  which  works  silently  and 
yet  effectively.  "  I  find  myself  often,"  said  a 
refined  and  accomplished  woman  mainly  occu- 
pied now  with  her  own  grandchildren,  "  when 
I  have  to  consider  a  matter,  reflecting  what 
mother  would  have  me  do,  and  if  I  settle  into 
the  feeling  that  she  would  approve  my  course, 
I  feel  more  sure  of  its  being  right."  What  a 
monument  a  parent  may  thus  erect ! 

As  a  preventive  of  the  "  bitterness,"  a  par- 
ent docs  wisely,  at  some  season  when  "  off' 
duty,"  to  converse  freely  and  as  an  equal  with 
the  child,  to  explain  things,  and  to  make  it 
understood  that  it  is  not  self-assertion,  nor  love 
of  having  one's  own  way,  nor  wounded  self- 
love  or  passion,  that  prompts  the  use  of  "  the 
rod,"  in  whatever  form  it  may  be  employed, 
but  a  sense  of  obligation  to  God  and  of  re- 
sponsibility for  the  child.  One  of  our  philoso- 
phers— not  always  to  be  implicitly  followed — 
has  given  society  a  little  book  on  education, 
containing,  among  other  cautions,  a  useful  warn- 
ing on  this  subject.     A  child  is  warned  against 


40  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

a  rash  movement  on  the  stairs.  One  day  he 
makes  it,  tumbles,  and  is  hurt.  He  is  seized 
in  a  rough  and  punitive  way,  shaken  perhaps 
a  little,  to  the  aggravation  of  his  pain  from  the 
fall,  and  comforted  thus  :  "  Didn't  I  tell  you 
not  to  go  that  way  ?  I'll  teach  you  to  obey 
me."  The  better  plan  would  be,  truly  says  our 
philosopher,  to  appeal  to  the  child's  reason,  and 
to  do  it  with  sympathy  and  kindness.  "  I  am 
sorry  you  are  hurt ;  but  I  warned  you  because 
I  feared  your  being  hurt."  That  this  latter 
method  is  the  better  of  the  two  there  can  be 
no  reasonable  doubt ;  whether  a  religious  ele- 
ment could  not  be  wisely  imported  into  the 
matter  is  an  open  question.  Certain  it  is  that 
moral  maxims  in  such  circumstances,  empha- 
sized by  a  rough  shake  of  an  aching  limb,  are 
presented,  as  human  nature  is,  at  a  great 
disadvantage.  They  are  not  "  the  truth  in 
love."* 

Here  is  a  picture  which  will   endure  after 

*  The  poor  Lascar  on  the  P.  &  0.  steamer,  whom  the  officer 
lectured  after  severe  discipline,  uttered  in  his  own  way  a 
natural  and  common  feeling  when  he  said,  "  Floggee,  flog- 
gee,  preachee,  preachee  ;  but  no  floggee  and  preachee  both  !" 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  JN   THE  HOME.  41 

Rembrandt's  and  Turner's  have  perished,  for 
it  is  painted  on  indestructible  canvas.  It  is  a 
Sunday  afternoon  in  autumn,  in  a  far-away  land. 
Father  and  family  had  been  to  God's  house  in 
the  forenoon,  and  had  the  family  meal  together. 
The  cornfields  lay  around  the  house,  the  grain 
becoming  golden,  and  the  mild  sunshine  bright- 
ening all  the  scene.  A  tall,  strong  man  is 
pacing  slowly  and  with  a  happy,  tranquil  mien 
along  the  "  head  of  the  field,"  where  a  space  is 
left  uncultivated.  His  boy,  held  by  the  hand, 
is  by  his  side.  As  the  father  talks  to  him  the 
boy's  mind  is  busy  thus  :  "  Why,  father  is  often 
thinking  about  me ;  about  what  I  am  to  be ; 
father  thinks  I  can  grow  up  to  something ; 
father  thinks  I  know  many  things,  and  that  I 
can  judge  as  he  does ;  father  has  been  long 
planning  how  I  can  be  helped  to  be  good  and 
happy;  father  thinks  I  can  fear  God  and  be 
good,  and  that  I  will.  I  had  no  notion  of  ail 
this ;  with  God's  help  I'll  try  to  be  what  father 
wishes  me."  That  father  has  been  with  the 
blest  for  over  thirty  years.  Almost  all  things 
have  since  then  changed  save  the  sweet  sun- 
shine ;  but  that  walk  and  talk,  and  the  impres- 


A    CHBISTIAX  HOME. 

sion  of  tha:  and  hand,  are  as   f.   - 

they  were  on  that  plea-  bath  afternoon. 

0  par  en:  your  children  as  God  I 

He  never  winks  at  our  sins.     He  never  fa:! 
recall  his  will.     He  ne:  -  us  sin  without 

his  prot:  _st  it.  <ur  childrei- 

he  I  I  there  i  -ing 

fond  of  them.     Love  them  as  he  d 

re  will  be  authority  side  with 

no  bi  I  0  children  ! 

father's  and  that  mother's  love — a  faint  echo 

Vs  infinite  tendernes — 
there  will   be    dutifulness    on   your 

nout  pain  to  gentle,  just  au- 
thority on  the  other.  Then  home,  called 
••  heaven's  fallen  i  ."  will  have  to  you  ever 

-  roach  to  the   perfection   of  which 
sin  robbed  it. 

We   cannc  from  this  subject  without 

■ing  another  class  which  the  New  T 
ment  recognizes  in  the  home,  even  to  describe 
who*  tibers,  in  delicate 

and  dif  -k.     The  institution  of  shr 

made  the  word  "  servant  " — as  applied  to  free 
labor — offensive.    But  "  help  "  is  a  odef- 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN   THE  HOME.  43 

inite  word.*  It  was  when  slavery  prevailed 
that  the  New  Testament  enjoined  relative 
duties  :  "  Servants,  be  obedient  to  them  that 
are  your  masters  according  to  the  flesh  "  (Eph. 
6  :  5-8) .  "  Masters,  give  unto  your  servants 
that  which  is  just  and  equal"  (Col.  4:1). 
How  much  Christianity  mitigated  evils  which 
it  at  length  abates  has  been  shown  under  the 
sway  of  slavery  as  an  institution;  and  how 
much  it  has  sweetened  intercourse  between  the 

*The  writer  has  enjoyed  for  many  years  the  aid  of  a 
Christian  lady  in  the  church,  who  conducts  a  female  Bible 
class  on  the  Sabbath  afternoon — the  time  most  free  in  the 
city — for  the  Deborahs  and  "  little  Hebrew  maids  "  of  whom, 
thank  God,  there  are  many  in  the  church.  How  to  announce 
it  was  a  puzzle.  "  Help  "  is  neither  male  nor  female.  "  Fe- 
male servants"  contains  the  offensive  element.  It  took  form 
at  length  in  some  way  as  a  class  conducted  by  a  lady  "  for 
those  of  her  own  sex  who  minister  to  our  comfort  in  our 
dwellings."  That  some  periphrasis  is  often  needed  was 
proved  by  a  less  felicitous  experience.  In  view  of  many 
men  around  the  place,  such  as  coachmen,  stable-helpers,  and 
others,  a  mei-chant  undertook  a  Sabbath  evening  Bible  class 
for  them.  A  neat  circular  explaining  its  purpose  was  freely 
distributed  among  them,  inviting  them  to  the  "men's  Bible 
class."  Only  two  came.  "Yes,"  said  a  very  shrewd  gentle- 
man, "  I  saw  the  paper.  I  knew  it  would  not  do.  It  should 
have  been  gentlemen's  class.  There  are  no  'men'  here- 
abouts." 


44:  A     CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

employer  and  the  man  and  woman  paid  for 
service  in  the  home,  one  does  not  need  to  prove. 
I  hare  known  cases  of  Christian  servants  so 
faithful  and  beloved  that  it  was  stipulated  and 
arranged  that  they  should  lie  in  the  same  grave- 
plot  with  the  family  in  which  a  lifetime  had 
been  spent.  Let  Christian  men  take  an  interest 
in  those  to  whom  they  pay  wages,  "  knowing 
that  they  also  have  a  Master  in  heaven,"  in- 
quire as  to  their  facilities  for  public  worship, 
encourage  them  in  this  regard,  do  the  like  with 
their  children,  and  themselves  exercise  some  of 
that  influence  to  bring  which  to  bear  they  con- 
tribute to  missionary  objects,  and  they  will  as 
often  see  fruit  as,  person  for  person,  does  the 
minister  from  his  preaching.  Christian  women! 
these  housemaids  and  seamstresses  are  some- 
body's daughters,  and  they  are  away  from  their 
mothers.  They  are  girls,  young  women,  with 
the  same  nature  your  daughters  possess.  Be 
deputy  mothers  to  them.  Gain  and  keep  their 
confidence.  Make  them  feel  that  they  have 
Christian  friends  in  you.  Pray  with  them  in 
their  troubles.  Give  them  sympathy  as  well 
as  orders.     You  will  reap  the  results  in  their 


NEW   TESTAMENT  LIGHT  IN    THE  HOME.  45 

gratitude  and  love,  in  their  good,  in  the  glory 
of  Jesus  Christ.  "Your  Master  also  is  in 
heaven ;  neither  is  there  respect  of  persons  with 
him"  (Eph.  6:9).  Let  an  opposite  course 
be  followed ;  let  life  down  stairs  be  as  it  were 
a  thousand  miles  away  from  life  above  stairs ; 
let  the  only  contact  be  in  giving  and  receiving 
orders  on  affairs  of  the  house  in  which  the 
gentle  rule — "forbearing  threatening" — is  some- 
times, alas !  forgotten,  and  is  it  to  be  wondered 
at  if  evil  habits  are  contracted,  if  bad  marriages 
follow  the  unrecognized  area  courtships,  and  if 
between  class  and  class,  money  and  labor,  there 
grow  up  in  time  those  feelings  of  which  Com- 
munism, Nihilism  and  the  like,  with  a  good 
deal  of  justification,  and  still  more  that  is 
reprehensible,  should  disturb  the  quiet-minded 
and  alarm  the  nations  ? 

In  putting  down  these  hints  and  suggestions, 
the  writer  has  in  mind  in  a  good  degree  the 
condition  of  things  growing  up  in  our  great 
cities.  He  has  no  little  satisfaction  in  remem- 
bering that  there  are  hundreds  of  thousands  of 
families  in  which  the  women  who  "stand  and 
wait "   are  in  truth  and  reality  a  part  of  the 


46  -4    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

household,  treated  as  members  of  the  family, 
looked  for  around  the  family  altar,  and  counted 
upon  with  their  Christian  sympathy  and  help 
in  any  time  of  family  trouble.  May  God  bless 
these  gentle  Marys  and  the  Rhodas  who  know 
their  nature  and  rejoice  in  their  joy  (Acts  12  : 
12-14),  and  increase  their  number  from  year 
to  year.  May  he  raise  up  more  and  more  men 
of  the  type  that  Paul  desired  Philemon — in  a 
letter  which,  inspired  as  it  is,  is  at  the  same 
time  a  matchless  compound  of  chivalrous  gen- 
tlemanliness  and  Christian  grace — to  exemplify, 
and  there  is  many  an  Onesimus  who  will — not 
by  running  away  and  falling  into  a  minister's 
hands,  but  by  remaining  at  home — become 
"  above  a  servant,  a  brother  beloved  "  (Phil, 
v.  16).  And  to  such  men  interests  may  be 
intrusted  with  confidence ;  to  such  men  the 
advocates  of  assassination  as  a  reforming 
agency  commonly  appeal  in  vain. 


A  disciple  of  the  New  Testament,  whose  views  are  sub- 
limed by  its  doctrines  and  its  hopes,  has  gotten  a  superiority 
over  the  passions ;  a  certain  nobility  of  soul ;  a  reach  ot 
perspective  to  distant  consequences,  whether  on  this  or  the 
other  side  of  the  grave ;  an  ascendency  of  sentiment  over 
sense  ;  and  withal  a  refinement  and  elevation  of  taste  which, 
though  caught  at  first  from  converse  with  spiritual  and  eter- 
nal things,  still  adheres  to  him,  even  when  busied  with  the 
interests  and  concerns  of  the  present  life. — Thomas  Chal- 
mers, D.D..  Political  Economy,  p.  424. 


CHAPTER  III. 

THE    ETHICS    OF    THE    HOME. 

"  Dogma"  loosely  discarded — Religion  involves  ethics — Men 
a  race — Not  like  angels — Visionary  economists — "  Well- 
born " — Abraham  and  Rebekah  on  heredity — Variety 
among  human  beings — Declaration  of  Independence  mis- 
read— Men  and  women  unlike,  but  equal — Property — The 
State  interested — Purity — The  Church  interested — Religi- 
ous ceremony — Converted  polygamists — Our  dangers  from 
Mormonism — From  divorce  laws — Asceticism — "  Fasting" 
ruled  out — Justifiable  celibacy — Barrack  life — The  family 
life  and  training — Schiller — Bacon. 

It  is  a  common,  loose  statement  that  religi- 
ous teachers  concern  themselves  too  much  with 
views,  or,  as  it  is  popular  to  say,  "  dogmas," 
and  too  little  with  ethics.  Had  we  the  oppor- 
tunity to  question  these  critics,  and  ask  for  an 
exact  definition  of  ethics,  we  should  find  end- 
less variety  of  indefinite  thinking.  Take  the 
very  attractively  simple  definition  :  In  physics 
we  discuss  what  is,  in  ethics  what  ought  to  be. 
But  is  not  religion,  with  its  just  thinking  and 
its  divine  teaching  as  to  right  and  wrong,  aim- 
ing directly  at  well-being,  i.  e.,  at  what  ought 

4  (49) 


50  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

to  be  ?  And  do  not  facts  show  that  human 
well-being  is  best  promoted  by  true  religious 
teaching  ?  Where  are  the  criminals  reformed, 
the  families  elevated,  the  drunkards  and  the 
impure  restored,  hy  unbelief?  Probably  the 
objectors  have  an  idea  that  there  are  certain 
principles  operating  in  the  nature  of  things, 
and  apart  from  religious  obligation  (which 
they,  mistakenly,  count  an  arbitrary  burden 
laid  on  men),*  and  which  they  represent  to 
themselves  as  ethics.  Without  admitting  for 
a  moment  the  truth  of  this  view,  it  may  serve 
some  good  end  to  look  at  the  constitution  of 
the  home  apart  from  direct  Scripture  injunc- 
tion. 

It  has  to  be  borne  in  mind  that  we  are  part 
of  a  race.  The  angels  are  not  affected  by 
birth,  training,  family  tradition,  or  any  similar 
influence.     There  is  no  question  of  "heredity" 

*  We  say  "mistakenly,"  for  God's  commands  contemplate 
the  nature  of  man,  which  he,  the  Maker,  knows  better  than 
man  can  do.  They  are  the  decrees  of  a  sovereign  God,  but 
they  are  not  arbitrary,  in  the  sense  of  having  no  basis  in  the 
nature  of  things.  Take  any  commandment  of  the  Decalogue, 
even  the  fourth,  and  it  is  easy  to  show  that  it  is  prudent  for 
man  to  keep  it. 


THE  ETHICS   OF   THE  HOME.  51 

affecting  them.  There  are  fine  ethical  theories 
of  society  constructed  for  man,  as  though  each 
individual  stood  alone,  complete  in  himself  and 
independent,  ready  to  look  around  and  make 
the  best  bargains  he  can  with  the  other  inde- 
pendent units  of  the  world.  But  this  is  a 
visionary,  an  unreal  view.  Every  human 
being  is  linked  with  other  beings — father, 
mother,  kindred — and  is  affected  by  what  they 
are  physically,  intellectually  and  morally.  He 
is  formed  in  a  degree  by  his  surroundings, 
companionships,  circumstances.  There  is,  in 
spite  of  all  suggested  to  the  contrary,  such  a 
thing  as  being  "  well-born,"  "well-bred."  Now, 
where  in  the  inspired  word  is  there  any  ignor- 
ing of  that  fact  ?  The  sacred  writers  are  true 
to  the  facts  of  life,  where  the  philosophers  are 
not.  It  was  a  true  instinct  that  led  Abraham 
to  exact  an  oath  from  his  eldest  servant  not  to 
take  a  wife  for  Isaac  from  the  daughters  of  the 
Canaanites;  that  made  Rebekah  so  weary  of  her 
life,  because  of  the  daughters  of  Heth  married 
by  Esau,  and  so  anxious  that  Jacob  should  do 
otherwise.  The  family,  and  not  the  individual, 
is  the  starting-point  of  human  society  in  the 


52  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

nature  of  the  case,  as  truly  as  in  the  history  of 
Scripture. 

Once  more  :  the  human  race  is  not  like  a 
regiment  of  soldiers,  all  alike  endowed,  armed, 
uniformed  and  prepared  for  the  same  service. 
There  are  inherent  inequalities,  essential  dif- 
ferences. One  sex  is  physically  weaker,  as  a 
rule,  than  the  other.  The  mental  constitution 
of  one  sex  is  different  from  that  of  the  other, 
stronger  in  some  regards,  weaker  in  others. 
Any  theory  of  education,  government  and  life 
that  ignores  this  fact  must  break  down  at 
length.  That  all  men  and  women  are  "  free 
and  equal"  by  the  nature  of  things  does  not 
mean  that  all  men  and  women  are  essentially 
alike,  nor  that  relations  of  authority  and  sub- 
ordination may  not  exist.  The  Declaration,  of 
Independence  never  was  meant  to  destroy  the 
relations  between  employer  and  employed, 
master  and  pupil  or  apprentice,  parent  and 
child,  husband  and  wife  ;  though  from  the  argu- 
ments made,  one  would  sometimes  suppose  this 
to  be  its  proper  intent.  We  are  "free  and 
equal,"  not  the  serfs  of  human  despotism  or 
the  slaves  of  human  proprietors.     He  therefore 


THE  ETHICS   OF   THE  HOME.  53 

who  would  blot  out  the  obligation  of  the  child 
to  obey  the  parent,  of  the  servant  to  do  the 
bidding  of  the  master,  even  of  the  younger 
children  to  respect  the  views  and  example  of 
the  elder,  of  the  wife  to  reverence  her  husband 
and  to  count  herself  the  weaker  vessel,  would 
engage  in  a  Quixotic  war  against  fixtures  in 
the  nature  of  things.  He  might  almost  as 
reasonably  insist  that  women  should  be  uni- 
formly as  tall  and  weighty  as  men ;  that  chil- 
dren should  spring  into  being  full-grown ;  and 
that  each  from  the  moment  of  birth  should  be 
self-supporting.  Marriage,  it  follows,  is  a  rela- 
tion of  inter-dependence  between  two  persons. 
Each  surrenders  something  needful  to  complete 
the  being  of  the  other,  and  each  receives  in 
return.  Two  married  persons,  husband  and 
wife,  are  not  like  two  soldiers  in  a  company, 
each  the  counterpart  of  the  other.  They  are 
the  complement  of  each  other ;  and  as  right 
feeling  harmonizes  officers  and  men,  infantry 
and  cavalry,  making  an  effective  army,  so  the 
inequalities  of  nature  are  regulated  to  the 
founding  of  the  family  on  a  basis  of  mutual 
help,  trust  and  affection. 


54  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

But  there  can  be  no  family  life  without  the 
question  of  property  being  raised.  But  prop- 
erty implies  labor,  and  also  the  presence  of 
others  around  us.  The  very  word  implies  this. 
How  can  a  thing  be  one's  own  but  on  the 
assumption  that  there  are  others  around  from 
whose  possessions  his  are  distinct  ?  It  follows, 
therefore,  that  society,  i.  e.,  the  state  by  its 
laws,  must  have  something  to  do  with  the 
home.  It  is  not  by  an  arbitrary  assumption 
of  authority,  but  by  a  necessity  of  the  case, 
that  civil  law  takes  cognizance  of  marriage. 
If  one  can  conceive  of  a  civilization  not  in  the 
least  affected  by  a  divine  revelation,  even  in 
such  a  civilization,  in  the  nature  of  the  case, 
the  magistrate  and  the  legislator  must  have 
something  to  do  with  marriage,  for  they  must 
recognize  property  rights  of  wives  and  children. 
Society  could  not  help  itself;  it  must  say  in 
one  form  or  other  to  the  husband  "  Provide  for 
thine  own ;"  it  must  respect,  and  if  need  be 
enforce,  the  rights  "his  own"  have  upon  him. 
It  must  in  the  last  resort  even  say  to  the  man, 
practically,  "  In  the  sweat  of  thy  face  thou 
shalt    eat   bread :"  and   it  must  see  that  the 


THE  ETHICS   OF   THE  HOME.  55 

bread,  in  whatever  form  it  is  gotten — money, 
real  estate,  or  whatever  else — reaches  the 
children — the  heirs  :  but  this  implies  its  cog- 
nizance of  all  that  which  establishes  legitimacy 
and  makes  heirs.* 

For  reasons  different,  but  just  as  strong,  the 
Church  must,  in  the  nature  of  things,  take 
cognizance  of  marriage.  It  is  no  scheme  of 
priestcraft — which  is  bad  enough  in  itself,  and 
has  enough  just  charges  proved  against  it — 
that  makes  this  connection.  All  men  would 
hold  the  Church  bound  to  care  for  the  morals 
of  its  members.  But  how  can  it  do  this  with- 
out cognizance  of  relations  ?  "  Are  these  your 
children  ?  Is  this  woman  your  wife  ?"  How 
could  a  man  be  received  into  membership  in 
any  community  approaching  the  nature  of  a 
church  without  questions  like  these  being 
settled  ?  How  far  a  religious,  a  church  rite  is 
to  solemnize  marriage  is  a  matter  to  be  settled 

*  "Without  the  law  of  inheritance,"  says  Dr.  II.  Marten- 
sen,  of  whose  chapter  on  this  subject  some  use  is  here  made, 
"a  sufficient  motive  to  labor  for  the  stability  and  future  well- 
being  of  the  family  would  be  wanting,  and  work  would  be 
undertaken  merely  to  provide  for  the  moment — from  hand 
to  mouth."     This  is  simply  the  condition  of  savages. 


56  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

by  Christian  wisdom,  taste,  and  regard  for  the 
divine  honor ;  but  a  church,  by  its  nature,  and 
according  to  the  very  demands  men  would 
make  of  it,  must  take  cognizance  of  marriage 
in  the  interest  of  morality,  and  in  order  to 
fidelity  to  husbands,  wives  and  children.* 

In  like  manner,  from  the  nature  of  the  case, 
polygamy  must  be  set  aside.  Of  course  this 
has  been  done  by  Christianity.  But  where 
woman's  true  nature  is  unrecognized,  as  under 
the  sway  of  a  luxurious  and  corrupt  heathen- 
ism, under  Mohammedanism,  and  in  some  forms 
of  existing:  savasism,  there  the  union  of  one 
man  and  one  woman  is  exchanged  for  that  of 
one  man  and  several  women,  or,  in  exceptional 

*  The  truth  of  this  statement  is  obvious  to  any  one  con- 
versant with  the  work  of  missionaries  among  the  heathen. 
One  of  the  most  difficult  practical  problems  they  have  to  face 
is  the  adjustment  of  the  relations  of  a  convert  with  more 
than  one  wife.  Shall  he  be  received  and  be  at  once  a  church 
member  and  a  bigamist?  Or  if  the  second  wife  has  to  be 
put  away,  how  shall  they  provide  for  her  and  her  children? 
How  justify  the  infliction  of  such  a  blow  on  her  who  entered 
into  the  union  without  any  reproach  from  conscience  or  from 
society  ?  In  the  judgment  of  many,  and  those  well-informed 
Christian  people,  recognition  of  such  unions,  with  proper 
safeguards  against  misinterpretation,  will  in  some  cases  be 
the  duty  of  Christian  churches. 


THE  ETHICS   OF    THE  HOME.  57 

cases,  of  one  woman  and  several  men.  The 
true  ideas  of  union  of  intellect  and  heart,  of 
paramount  affection,  of  fidelity,  of  each  finding 
in  the  other  what  is  wanting  in  self,  imply 
monogamy, as  a  right  hand  or  a  right  eye  im- 
plies one  left  hand  or  eye,  and  not  several. 
This  point  is  of  interest  in  American  life  at 
this  moment.  We  are  far  enough  from  the 
romantic  devotion  of  man  to  woman,  who  was 
all  but  deified  in  the  exaggerated  devotion  of 
the  middle  ages.  We  have  the  Mormon  prob- 
lem to  face  on  the  one  side,  with  its  claim  of 
many  wives  for  one  man  at  the  same  time,  and 
the  divorce  problem  on  the  other,  with  its 
practical  permission  for  many  successive  unions 
of  one  party  during  the  life  of  the  other.  We 
need  to  study  the  invariably  close  connection 
between  the  right  idea  of  the  family  and  the 
welfare  of  society,  the  moral  health  and 
strength  of  a  nation.  The  question  is  not  at 
all  a  church  question  merely,  as  it  is  sometimes 
attempted  to  be  made  out,  precisely  as  Sabbath- 
violators  would  fain  make  the  matter  in  dispute 
with  them  to  be.  With  almost  as  much  reason 
might  the  imprisoned  thief  deplore  the  ignor- 


58  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

ant  prejudice  lingering  among  Christians,  in 
blind  obedience  to  which  they  stand  by  the 
old  rule,  "  Thou  shalt  not  steal." 

And  here  it  may  be  proper  to  touch  another 
question  closely  affecting  marriage,  namely, 
that  of  celibacy.  In  human  history  the  con- 
sciousness of  guilt  has  played  an  important 
part.  How  to  take  it  away  has  been  the 
problem.  Self-inflicted  pain,  as  in  the  fakir  of 
India,  or  denial  of  things  lawful,  as  in  the  fast- 
ing of  Mohammedanism  and  Romanism,*  have 
been  among  the  answers  given.  It  was  no 
wonder  that  with  the  growth  of  ascetic  feeling- 
east  and  west — and  it  is  as  well  established  in 
Oriental  religions  as  in  corrupt  Christianity — 
celibacy  should  be  lifted  to  a  high  place. 
There  is  a  form  of  it  which,  like  marriage  itself, 
is  founded  in  nature.     It  is  not  necessary  in  a 

*  A  confused  idea  lingers  in  many  minds  that  the  Hebrew 
law  made  much  of  compulsory  abstinence  from  food.  This 
is  a  mistake.  An  examination  of  the  Pentateuch  will  show 
that  only  one  day  in  the  year  was  a  compulsory  fast.  Super- 
stition, indeed,  added  to  the  number  in  later  times,  as  we 
may  see  by  the  prophetical  rebukes.  It  is  also  noteworthy 
thut  the  revision  of  the  New  Testament  takes  "  fasting " 
away  in  three  passages  where  it  had  no  right  to  stand :  Matt. 
17:121;  Mark  9:  29;  1  Cor.  7  :  5. 


TEE  ETHICS   OF   THE  HOME.  59 

book  like  this  to  enter  into  details  of  statement. 
A  man  may  not  be  in  a  position  to  provide  for 
others  than  himself.  A  woman  may  not  be 
sought  in  marriage,  and  it  were  to  become  un- 
womanly for  her  to  seek  a  union.  There  are 
cases  of  inherent  personal  reasons  for  abstin- 
ence from  this  form  of  life,  physical  and  moral ; 
and,  finally,  social  conditions  may  be  such — as 
in  a  time  of  war,  of  famine,  of  insecurity  of  life 
and  property — that  a  man  feels  that  his  highest 
duty  requires  him  to  forego  joys  and  pleasures. 
Soldiers,  sailors,  pioneers,  explorers,  like  men 
in  Paul's  days,  without  yielding  their  abstract 
right,  may  remain  single.  They  have  high 
things  to  do,  which  render  it  necessary  to 
deny  themselves  the  joys  of  married  life,  as 
they  do  home,  society  and  repose. 

But  this  is  a  very  different  thing  indeed 
from  any  theory  which  implies  that  celibacy  is 
morally  a  purer,  holier  state  than  the  estate  of 
holy  marriage — a  view  which  has  never  been 
accepted  on  any  large  scale  without  injury  to 
society.  In  fact  it  is  almost  a  rule  that  in 
proportion  as  celibacy — not  the  result  of  such 
exceptional   circumstances  as   we   have    men- 


60  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

tioned,  but  an  artificial,  systematized  violence 
to  nature  under  the  guise  and  with  the  prestige 
of  higher  spirituality — is  thriving,  in  that  de- 
gree the  family,  society  and  the  state  are 
suffering.* 

Only  one  other  point  do  we  deem  it  import- 
ant to  notice  in  the  ethical  aspects  of  the  home. 
It  is  for  the  good  of  mankind  that  families 
should  be  constituted  and  maintained.  Bar- 
rack life  is  bad,  whether  it  be  for  the  economi- 
cal and  convenient  accommodation  of  troops, 
or  whether  it  be  from  the  artificial  raisins;  of 
the  standard  of  home  comfort  which  now  limits 
marriage,  and  even  limits  the  married  in  the 
possession  of  separate  homes.  Hotel  and 
boarding-house  life  is  not  the  best  for  the 
education  and  training  of  children.  In  fact 
their  existence  is  often  a  hindrance  to  admis- 
sion to  even  this  second-rate  form  of  accom- 
modation.    All  that  arbitrarily  interferes  with 

*  From  the  language  of  Paul  in  1  Cor.  7  :  1  it  has  been 
argued  that  ho  counted  celibacy,  in  itself,  a  specially  exalted 
state.  This  is  to  read  the  words  in  direct  opposition  to  other 
divine  words,  as  Heb.  13:4,  which  plainly  is  wrong,  when 
his  obscure  language  admits  of  another  rendering,  implying 
no  contradiction. 


THE   ETHICS   OF    THE  HOME.  61 

"  nature,"  as  we  commonly  understand  it,  ex- 
cept from  "  duty  and  conviction,"  based  on 
"  individual  peculiarities  or  special  circum- 
stances," is  to  be  deplored  and  discouraged. 
It  is  bad  for  society  that  any  number  of  its 
members  should,  to  avoid  responsibility  or  to 
maintain  freedom  from  care,  decline  the  duties 
of  married  life.  Even  in  the  exceptional  cases 
where  a  high  and  commendable  sense  of  obli- 
gation, or  a  necessity  not  courted,  determines 
to  a  single  life,  there  is  commonly  a  defect  of 
development  in  character.  How  could  it  be 
otherwise?  The  incompleteness  of  the  indi- 
vidual remains.  The  discipline  implied  in 
home  burdens  has  not  been  enjoyed.  The 
daily  habit  of  concession,  considerateness  of 
others,  repression  of  self,  and  of  looking  at 
things  from  other  angles  of  observation  than 
one's  own,  is  not  formed. 

For — and  this  applies  to  the  whole  subject 
of  home  and  of  life  generally — the  words 
"love,"  "confidence,"  "obedience,"  "fidelity," 
used  in  relation  to  an  unseen  being,  are  inter- 
preted to  the  dawning  intellect  by  the  experi- 
ences that  come  to  us  through  the  relations  of 


62  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

parent  and  child,  and  the  observation  of  the 
bonds  binding  husband  and  wife,  brother  and 
sister,  together.  Speak  to  us  of  the  eternal 
Father,  the  elder  Brother,  the  divine  love, 
care  and  pity,  and  our  obligation  to  honor, 
obey,  trustj  and  be  faithful  unto  death,  and 
what  meaning  have  the  words  but  as  we  have 
learned  it  at  home  ?  If  we  know  not  what 
they  represent  as  to  those  whom  we  have 
seen,  how  can  we  even  guess  at  their  signifi- 
cance towards  him  whom  we  have  not  seen  ? 
Schiller  had  in  partial  view  a  widely-working 
law  when  he  wrote, 

"  Love,  only  love,  can  guide  the  creature 
Up  to  the  Father-fount  of  Nature  : 
What  were  the  soul  did  love  forsake  her? 
Love  guides  the  mortal  to  the  Maker." 

"  Certainly,"  says  Bacon,  "  wife  and  children 
are  a  kind  of  discipline  to  humanity  ;  and  single 
men,  though  they  be  many  times  more  chari- 
table, because  their  means  are  less  exhausted, 
yet  on  the  other  side  they  are  more  cruel  and 
hard-hearted  (good  to  make  inquisitors),  be- 
cause their  tenderness  is  not  so  oft  called 
upon." 


It  is  becoming  a  hard  thing  for  our  young  men  of  fashion 
to  afford  the  luxury  of  marriage ;  and  our  young  women 
learn  that  the  aim  of  life  is  a  rich  husband,  -who  can  supply 
the  gold  for  the  wardrobe  and  the  glitter  of  an  establish- 
ment. We  have  imported  from  abroad  within  these  few 
vears  many  of  the  loose  ideas  of  modern  epicurism. — E.  A. 
Washburn,  D.D.,  late  rector  of  Calvary  Church,  New  York. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

WISE    CHOICE. 

No  need  to  choose — Necessary  burdens — Standard  adopted — 
Reflex  influence — Choice  of  husband  or  wife — Mutual 
adaptation — Mutual  knowledge — "  Mixed  marriages  " — 
About  the  wedding — The  home — Not  the  hotel — About 
the  bills — The  "help" — The  self-helpers — Teachers  for 
the  children — The  elements  required — In  loco  parentis — 
Public  schools — Their  teaching  to  be  supplemented — Fit- 
ness for  place  in  the  family — The  state — The  church — 
"Who  is  sufficient?" — The  "strength  to  the  needy" — 
Light  in  the  dwelling. 

"  The  strongest  principle  of  growth,"  says  a 
popular  writer,  "lies  in  human  choice."  Up  to 
a  certain  period  in  life,  the  average  member  of 
a  family  is  relieved  from  the  responsibility  of 
individual  decision.  A  parent  or  a  guardian 
has  authority,  and,  in  a  right  state  of  things, 
has  the  desire  to  decide  wisely  for  the  boy  or 
girl.  In  the  selection  of  books,  teachers,  places 
of  sojourn  and  the  like,  the  wisdom  and  experi- 
ence of  older  persons  can  be  counted  upon. 
But  there  comes  a  time,  which  a  wise  person 
will  not  seek  to  hasten,  when  this  help  is  with- 
5  (65) 


66  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

drawn  like  the  temporary  supports  under  an 
arch,  and  the  young  life  must  begin  to  bear  its 
own  burdens.  Then  character  is  developed. 
Then  it  begins  to  be  seen  what  manner  of  man 
or  woman  one  is  to  be,  whether  a  blessing  or  a 
bane  to  society.  It  is  a  crisis  in  the  history  of 
a  life  when  free  choice  is  first  to  be  made. 

For,  far  more  is  commonly  involved  than  the 
actual  object.  The  rule  of  life  that  is  taken  is 
of  the  utmost  moment.  Are  we  to  ask,  "  What 
is  done  by  the  rest  of  my  class  ?"  Or  are  we 
to  say, 

"  I  will  not  choose  what  many  men  desire, 
Because  I  will  not  jump  with  common  spirits, 
And  rank  me  with  the  barbarous  multitudes." 

Or,  avoiding  these  extremes,  are  We  to  ask, 
"  What  is  wise  for  me  according,  as  far  as  I  can 
learn  it,  to  the  will  of  my  Father  in  heaven  ?" 
The  reflex  influence  of  a  choice  is  too  great 
to  be  overlooked.  When  it  has  been  announced 
self-love  prompts  one  to  stand  by  it,  to  defend 
it,  and  to  defend  the  principles  on  which  it  has 
been  made.  Lingering  honesty  inspires  the 
desire  to  believe  what  prudence,  self-love  or 
consistency  compels  one  to  assert.     Let  a  man 


WISE   CHOICE.  67 

invest  his  means  in  a  theatre,  and  it  would  be 
natural,  that  is,  according  to  common  tenden- 
cies, for  him  to  dwell  upon  the  gains  to  man- 
kind, and  to  ignore  the  evils,  of  ordinary- 
dramatic  representation.  Our  views  of  things 
determine  our  choice,  but  our  choice  also,  and 
often  for  long,  determines  our  views.  Thus  it 
is  that  a  believer  in  Jesus  sees  Christian  evi- 
dences in  a  favorable  light,  while  a  deliberate 
unbeliever  feels  a  certain  satisfaction  in  any- 
opposing  views  that  seem  to  justify  his  atti- 
tude. So  it  is  that  "  whosoever  hath,  to  him 
shall  be  given ;  and  whosoever  hath  not,  from 
him  shall  be  taken  even  that  which  he  seem- 
eth  to  have"  (Luke  8  :  18).  As  with  many- 
other  issues  ascribed  to  arbitrary  decree,  this 
is  the  inevitable  working  out  of  inherent  prin- 
ciples. 

All  these  truths  apply  emphatically  to  the 
choice  of  husband  or  of  wife,  which  commonly 
affects  not  only  the  happiness  of  life,  but  the 
formation  of  character.  It  is  peculiarly  infe- 
licitous that  young  people  rarely  hear  this 
topic  talked  of  except  in  the  way  of  pleasantry. 
Serious  discussion  of  it  might  prevent  mistakes, 


63  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

and  especially  that  levity  in  which  the  decision 
is  often  marie.  To  decide  because  it  seemed 
strange  to  remain  single,  to  take  up  the  nearest 
available  person  in  proud  resentment  of  rejec- 
tion by  another,  to  marry  because  the  thing- 
seemed  romantic  and  picturesque,  is  so  obvi- 
ously foolish  that  one  does  not  need  to  prove 
the  case.  A  wise  person  will  consider  com- 
parative identity  of  position,  habits  and  ideas 
of  life  as  to  comforts,  necessaries,  and  the  like. 
The  total  absence  of  this  adaptation  is  com- 
monly reason  enough  for  putting  aside  any 
thought  of  a  choice.  Comparative  harmony  of 
ideas  as  to  the  objects  of  life  is  no  less  neces- 
sary. For  a  plodding,  honest,  hardworking- 
young  man — to  whom  a  thousand  a  year  seems 
a  good  income,  and  who  is  now  prudently 
saving  two  out  of  the  seven  hundred  he  is 
earning — to  marry  a  woman  in  whose  idea  of 
life  three  nights  a  week  at  expensive  entertain- 
ments is  a  necessity,  would  be  to  mar  the 
happiness  probably  of  both.  To  rush  into  a 
union  without  adequate  acquaintance  and  mu- 
tual knowledge,  not  only  of  themselves  but  of 
their    surroundings,    is    imprudent    in    a    high 


WISE   CHOICE.  69 

degree.  "  I  did  not  marry  your  whole  family," 
a  man  or  woman  may  be  compelled  in  certain 
circumstances  to  say ;  but  the  necessity  is  pain- 
ful, and  the  situation  should  be  understood 
beforehand.  And  finally,  harmony  of  view  on 
moral  and  religious  matters  is  essential  to 
happiness.  We  say  moral — for  the  girl  who 
thinks  a  flirtation  by  a  married  woman  proper 
enough,  or  the  man  who  ignores  the  obvious 
obligation  "  forsaking  all  others,"  brings  into 
the  union  an  element  of  destruction.  When 
the  dynamite  will  explode,  arid  how  extensive 
the  damage  will  be,  is  only  a  question  of  time 
and  circumstances.  The  man  or  woman  who 
is  "  loose  about  money  matters "  can  ruin  a 
home  on  another  line.  "  My  wife — my  hus- 
band— is  constantly  running  into  debt,  and 
never  thinks  of  paying" — such  is  sometimes 
the  concise  history  of  a  domestic  shipwreck. 

And  as  to  "  mixed  marriages,"  where,  for 
example,  it  is  made  a  condition  on  behalf  of 
one  party  that  the  other  should  renounce  the 
religious  life  hitherto  pursued,  by  rebaptism  or 
similar  rite,  or  make  special  promises  touching 
the  children,  or  where,  by  tacit  agreement,  each 


70  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

is  to  go  his  or  her  own  way,  no  cautionary 
words  could  be  made  too  strong.  Few  of  such 
unions  are  truly  happy.  The  birth  of  the  first 
child  is  an  element  of  discord.  What  is  to  be 
done  with  it  ?  Where  to  be  trained  ?  The  less 
enlightened  and  tolerant  the  church  of  either 
party  the  worse  it  fares  with  the  other.  "  What 
about  your  children  ?"  says  a  Christian  friend, 
to  the  father  of  a  family.  "  Well,  my  wife,  you 
know,  is  a  firm  Catholic,  and  I  let  her  manage 
things  with  them."  "  And  you — what  do  you 
do  ?"  And  commonly  he  does  nothing ;  because 
any  decided  action  of  his  would  be  an  element 
of  discord.  On  the  other  hand  the  parent  who 
concedes — say  becomes  a  Protestant — has  no 
capacity  for  giving  the  right  training.  "  He 
was  a  Protestant,  she  a  Roman  Catholic,  and 
the  children  are  nothing  " — such  is  too  common 
a  report.  In  these  cases  from  the  side  on  which 
is  sacerdotalism,  where  the  end  is  thought  to 
justify  the  means,  and  where  the  inside  life  of  a 
family  is  seen  through  the  confessional,  aggressive 
trouble  will  be  raised,  where  people  of  Chris- 
tian gentleness  and  self-respect  will  be  inactive. 
To  hold  and  to  state  these  things — best  known 


WISE   CHOICE.  71 

to  those  who  have  lived  where  Romanism  has 
had  its  way — is  deemed  by  some  unwise,  un- 
American,  illiberal ;  but  there  is  need  for  their 
declaration.  Rome,  indeed,  sometimes  owns 
and  deplores  her  losses  through  mixed  mar- 
riages, but  they  are  all  too  often  the  gains, 
not  of  Protestantism,  but  of  carelessness.  On 
the  other  hand  she  may  be  sometimes  found 
boasting  of  accessions  which  she  has  arranged 
to  secure  in  this  way.* 

When  the  preference  of  the  heart  is  sustained 
by  the  verdict  of  the  judgment  upon  outward 
fitness  and  personal  harmony,  there  is  confi- 
dence in  putting  the  case  before  parents — as 
dutiful  children  who  have  learnt  to  honor  their 
parents  will  do — and  positive  comfort  in  carry- 
ing along  their  sympathy  and  co-operation. 
Martensen    quotes   as  an   old   proverb,   "  Der 

*  It  is  understood  that  a  Roman  Catholic  priest  is  forbidden 
to  marry  one  of  his  flock  to  a  Protestant  until  a  promise 
securing  the  children  to  the  church  is  given.  The  writer  has 
known  of  this  demand  being  resisted  by  a  bride  as  insulting 
to  the  man  of  her  choice.  Some  go  even  farther  in  their 
requirements.  A  member  of  a  Protestant  church  -who  re- 
nounces all  the  past  at  the  bidding  of  a  Romanist  or  a 
Romanizcr,  in  order  to  be  married,  sacrifices  self-respect  at 
the  outset,  and  starts  in  life  on  an  insecure  basis. 


72  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOUR. 

Eltern  Segen  bauet  den  Kindern  Hauser" — the 
parents'  blessing  builds  homes  for  their  children. 
A  parent's  decided  opposition  is  commonly  good 
cause  for  delay,  to  say  the  least ;  and  happy 
are  they  who  can  feel  that  both  fathers  and 
mothers  approve  the  choice. 

Nowhere,  perhaps,  in  life  is  there  more  need 
for  delicate  perception  of  the  fitness  of  things 
than  after  this  choice  has  been  made.  To  show 
the  right  feeling  without  silly  parade,  to  ar- 
range with  self-respecting  prudence  for  a 
marriage  ceremony,  in  which  ostentatious  dis- 
play of  "connections,"  apparel  and  wedding 
gifts  shall  be  "  conspicuous  by  its  absence,"  and 
to  bear  themselves  as  persons  whom  paramount 
affection  and  intelligent  judgment  have  brought 
together,  and  who  desire  to  set  out  in  life 
with  the  blessing  of  a  beloved  and  trusted 
Father  in  heaven, — this  is  the  first  burden  of 
duty  laid  on  young  people,  and  as  they  bear  it 
will  be  in  some  degree  the  estimate  formed  of 
them  and  the  type  of  their  inner  life. 

Next  comes,  in  most  cases,  the  choice  of  a 
home  and  all  that  is  therein  involved.  It  is 
good  for  the  newly  married  as  a  rule  to  begin 


WISE   CHOICE.  73 

by  themselves,  together,  without  the  officious 
direction  of  others  however  well  meaning,  and 
it  is  good,  if  possible,  to  be  in  a  home,  not  a 
boarding-house  nor  a  hotel.  It  may  be  "  love 
in  a  cottage,"  and  the  cottage  may  be  humble ; 
but  it  is  commonly  better  adapted  to  the  growth 
of  a  true,  pure,  simple  life  than  "  rooms "  in 
one  of  those  non-military  barracks  which  the 
needs  of  our  great  cities  are  supposed  to  de- 
mand. A  "  mess-table  "  is  doubtless  proper  for 
the  officers  of  a  regiment,  or  a  group  of  monks. 
The  passengers  of  a  train  or  an  ocean  steamer 
of  course  can  properly  dine  together;  but  for 
young  married  people,  it  is  best  that  they 
should  live  together ;  their  door  closing  out  the 
world ;  that  they  should  be  all  in  all,  under 
God,  to  each  other ;  that  the  young  wife  should 
not  be  pursued  by  calculations  as  to  how  she 
looks  to  a  hundred  spectators ;  that  he  and  she 
should  plan  together,  wisety  adapt  their  modes 
and  habits  of  life  to  means  and  prospects, 
always  remembering  that  it  is  comparatively 
easy  to  go  up,  but  exceedingly  difficult  to  de- 
scend gracefully.  We  do  not  overrate  the 
poetry   of   the   "lowly  cottage;"  we  are   dis- 


74  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

tinctly  sensible  of  the  difficulty  of  reading  the 
''register"  or  the  "stove"  into  the  versification 
of  "  the  fireside,"  or  of  the  heroic  watchword 
pro  arts  et  focis,  for  altars  and  hearths.  We 
have  read,  of  course,  of 

"  Home-made  pop  that  will  not  foam, 
And  home-made  dishes  that  drive  one  from  home," 

but  we  adhere  to  the  conviction  that  a  modest, 
self-contained  dwelling  is  morally  more  healthy, 
more  conducive  to  permanent  happiness,  more 
likely  to  have  its  "grace  before  meat,"  its 
family  altar,  and  its  practical  prudence  in 
management,  than  the  "  nicest  apartments  "  in 
the  most  attractive  hotel.  How  hard  it  has 
been,  in  many  cases,  to  make  the  transition 
from  the  dishes  of  a  French  cook,  at  a  salary  of 
five  thousand  a  year,  to  the  more  modest  table 
of  a  wife's  own  arranging !  Better  to  begin  at 
the  beginning,  and  to  conquer  the  prosaic  dif- 
ficulties of  life  while  the  poetry  of  early  love 
is  still  real,  and  while  the  later  cares  and  anx- 
ieties of  life  are  not  yet  pressing,  than  to  be 
forced  to  the  task  when  other  and  inevitable 
burdens  have  to  be  carried. 


WISE   CHOICE.  75 

No  mean  assistance  is  secured  by  the  young 
housekeeping  couple  who  find  a  "  domestic " 
who  can  be  interested  in  the  fortunes  of  the 
family,  who  can  be  made  an  honest  friend  as 
well  as  servant,  and  who  will  feel  some  re- 
sponsibility for  what  many  a  faithful  negro  used 
to  call  "  our  family."  It  is  a  mistake  to  start 
with  showy,  pretentious  persons,  who  feel  called 
to  train  and  direct  their  employers ;  and  it  is 
of  the  highest  importance  to  find  those  who, 
fearing  God,  can  be  trusted  to  give  something- 
better  than  eye  service.* 

Of  course  we  contemplate  in  these  hints  the 
dwellers  in  cities  and  the  possessors  of  means, 
who,  in  point  of  fact,  have,  to  say  the  least,  as 
many  dangers  and  temptations  as  attend  the 
poorer.  We  do  not  forget  the  large  class — the 
strength  of  the  country,  the  hope  of  it,  the 
source  of  supply  to  the  cities — which  has  no 
questions  to  raise  as  to  servants  and  the  like, 
where   wife  and  husband   in  love    serve   one 

*  In  how  many  cases  would  employers  gain  and  give 
benefit  by  taking  an  interest  in  the  religious  life  of  those 
whom  they  employ,  calling  to  them  the  attention  of  minis- 
ters, and  giving  them  facilities  for  availing  themselves  of 
Christian  ministrations.  (See  on  this  Chapter  II.) 


76  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

another.     May  blessings  rest  on  the  thousands 
of  dwellings  where, 

"  At  night  returning,  every  labor  sped, 
He  sits  hiin  down  the  monarch  of  a  shed  ; 
Smiles  by  his  cheerful  fire,  and  round  surveys 
His  children's  looks  that  brighten  at  the  blaze  ; 
While  his  loved  partner,  boastful  of  her  hoard, 
Displays  her  cleanly  platter  on  the  board." 

In  pleading  for  a  home  as  against  the  im- 
ported substitutes  for  it,  no  allusion  has  been 
made  to  children,  for  this,  among  other  reasons, 
that  they  are  at  a  discount  in  such  establish- 
ments ;  their  possession  is  sometimes  a  disqual- 
ification for  admission.  So  much  the  better  is 
it  commonly  for  the  children,  for  when  a  family 
expands  by  this  blessing  being  given,  a  new  set 
of  duties  calls  for  attention,  and  a  new  set  of 
burdens  must  be  borne,  and  these  are  best  car- 
ried in  the  old-fashioned  home.  Patience,  endur- 
ance, self-denial,  consideration,  prudence,  even 
frugality,  become  necessary  virtues,  to  say  noth- 
ing of  the  gentleness,  combined  with  firmness, 
essential  to  the  forming  of  the  young  lives  long 
before  teacher  or  lesson-book  is  in  requisition.* 

*  The  picture  of  the  virtuous  woman  in  Pro  v.  31:  10-31 
may  well  be  studied  by  young  mothers.     There  is  not  room 


WISE   CHOICE.  77 

When,  however,  the  children  have  reached 
that  stage  a  new  decision  has  to  be  made, 
namely,  regarding  teachers  for  them.  Parents 
will  do  wisely,  wherever  it  is  possible,  to  carry 
on  the  work  of  elementary  instruction  at  home. 
The  basis  of  mutual  interest  and  confidence  is 
thus  laid ;  the  child  learns  to  defer  to  the 
parent ;  the  parent  gets  some  knowledge  of  the 
bent  of  the  child's  intellect ;  and  the  simplicity 
of  child-life  is  preserved.  Sooner  or  later, 
however,  the  average  child  has  to  be  put  under 
other  instruction.  If  the  parents  have  in  the 
right  spirit  chosen  a  pastor  for  themselves, 
they  sought  a  man  capable  of  teaching  spiritual 
truth,  a  man  in  earnest  in  the  doing  of  it,  and 
of  such  a  character  that  his  moral  influence  is 
elevating.  In  many  respects  the  same  elements 
are  to  be  kept  in  view  in  the  choice  of  teachers, 
and   the    institutions    under    the   influence  of 

here  to  point  out  its  features.  The  author  takes  leave  to 
refer  to  a  volume,  Papers  for  Home  Reading,  of  which  it 
forms  one,  and  in  which  "temper"  and  other  elements  of 
home-life  are  discussed  and  illustrated  by  narrative.  Written 
twenty  years  ago,  and  in  another  land,  they  do  not  contain 
one  sentence  of  which  the  author's  wider  observation  of  life 
would  require  the  change. 


TS  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

which  the  young  life  is  to  come.  The  child 
has  to  be  trained  in  all  things  to  serve  God. 
The  spheres  of  service  include  the  family,  the 
state  and  the  church.  No  one  is  permitted,  no 
one  is  quite  able,  to  ignore  these  fields  of 
activity,  and  wise  parents  will  bear  this  in 
mind  while  aiming  at  the  choice  of  instructors 
for  their  children. 

xh  is  being  written  and  spoken  in  our  day 
regarding  the  "  higher  education  "  of  men  and 
women.  There  is  still  room  for  discussion  of 
the  topic  which  Mr.  Charles  Kingsley  broached 
— their  lower  education.  Such  matters  as  the 
laws  of  health,  the  uses  of  money,  the  truth 
of  things  as  distinguished  from  conventional 
lies,  the  forms  of  self-help  which  may  be  need- 
ful to  the  most  favorably  situated  and  are 
needful  to  the  majority, — these  and  other  like 
departments  of  human  training  must,  to  a  great 
degree,  devolve  on  parents — perhaps  especially 
on  mothers. 

So  the  subject  of  "  co-education  "  has  lately 
awakened  attention — a  subject  on  which  Mar- 
tensen,  quoted  and  commended  already,  has 
written  wisely.  It  is  worth  considering  whether 


WISE   CHOICE.  79 

the  education  of  the  boys  and  girls  together  in 
the  home,  in  the  elementary  departments  in 
which  both  are  trained,  would  not  be  beneficial 
in  fostering  mutual,  intelligent  sympathy,  in 
giving  boys  gentleness,  and  girls  more  practical 
views  of  things ;  for  surely  it  is  not  uncommon 
to  have  boys  grow  up  with  the  idea  that  "  girls 
cannot  know  much,"  while  girls  often  fail  to  do 
justice  to  boys  in  other  respects.  They  are 
the  more  likely  to  estimate  members  of  the 
other  sex  justly  from  such  contact  with  well- 
trained  brothers. 

In  the  great  majority  of  cases  the  children 
of  our  country  must  avail  themselves  of  the 
common  schools  of  the  country,  in  which  the 
formal  teaching  of  the  religious  element  must 
necessarily  be  limited.  The  Sunday-school,  in 
a  degree,  supplements  the  day-school.  Both 
must  be  supplemented  by  the  personal  teaching 
and  influence  of  the  parents.  But  in  the  cases 
where  nursery-governesses,  tutors  and  others 
are  called  in,  or  where  the  children  are  sent 
away  from  home,  the  teachers  stand  in  the 
room  of  parents,  and  it  well  becomes  them  to 
select  their   substitutes    in  full  view   of   the 


80  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

interests  involved.  Habits  may  be  contracted 
in  these  early  years  that  bring  ruin  on  the  life. 
Associations  may  be  formed  that  will  in  time 
corrupt  and  destroy.  An  ideal  of  what  life  is 
to  be  may  be  imparted  so  false  and  dangerous 
as  to  nullify  all  future  efforts.  Methods  of 
deceit,  of  cunning,  of  selfishness,  may  be  illus- 
trated to  the  child,  and  in  the  end  commended 
to  it,  that  will  long  resist  the  wisest  and  the 
most  effective  teaching.  The  brain  may  be 
educated,  while  the  heart  is  hardened.  Self- 
indulgence,  conceit  and  fancied  superiority  to 
parents  may  be  instilled  into  the  mind  when 
the  education  of  the  judgment,  will  and  affec- 
tions ought  to  have  been  preparing  the  child 
for  a  place  in  the  family,  the  community,  and 
the  church  of  God — places  that  can  never  be 
rightly  filled  without  this  early  training. 

"  If  there  be  all  this  burden  of  responsi- 
bility," some  one  may  say,  "  who  then  would 
have  children  ?"  We  reply  that  nothing  is  gained 
by  closing  our  eyes  to  the  actual  facts  of  life, 
and  he  or  she  who  says  in  lowly  self-distrust, 
"Who  is  sufficient  for  these  things?"  is  the 
most  likely  to  look  up  and  say,  "  Help  me,  0 


WISE   CHOICE.  81 

my  Father,  who  hast  put  the  parental  love  in 
my  heart,  and  hast  given  these  children  into 
my  hands  that  I  may  be  to  them,  in  love,  wis- 
dom and  guidance,  in  some  poor  remote  way, 
what  thou,  my  all-wise  God,  hast  been  to  me, 
thy  weak  and  wayward  child." 

A  glance  at  a  historic  picture  of  the  Old 
Testament  will  best  enforce  the  points  we  have 
been  trying  to  establish.  Plague  after  plague 
had  come  on  Pharaoh  and  his  people.  The 
king's  heart  was  hardened — by  himself  in  pride 
and  obstinacy,  by  God  in  just  judgment.  He 
did  not  wish  to  have  knowledge  of  God  (Ex. 
5  :  2),  and  God  gave  him  over  to  a  reprobate 
mind  (Rom.  1 :  28).  Pharaoh  is  at  the  head  of 
a  long  succession  of  transgressors.  Blow  after 
blow  fell  on  the  people,  and  on  their  gods — in 
vain.  At  length  came  darkness;  darkness  on 
Egyptians  alone ;  darkness  that  might  be  felt. 
Light  had  been  spurned.  The  punishment  is 
in  the  way  of  the  sin.  But  there  is  light  in 
Goshen.  The  sun,  the  creature  of  the  God  of 
Israel,  and  not  a  deity  to  bo  worshipped,  sheds 
his  beams  over  Jehovah's  people.  Egyptians 
only  sit  in   dreary  helplessness.     Better  then 


88  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

to  be  in  a.  Hebrew  hnt  than  in  an  Egyptian 
palace,  to  be  a  Hebrew  slave  than  an  Egyptian 
master. 

One  excellence  of  a  book  or  a  picture  is  its 
suggestiveness,  and  in  this  regard  the  Bible  is 
matchless.  But  we  must  study  the  book  or 
the  picture  if  it  is  to  suggest  to  us.  Would 
that  our  readers  could  be  induced  to  dwell  on 
this,  as  the  Psalmist  does,  and  as  John  did,  if 
we  may  judge  from  their  most  impressive  allu- 
sions (Vs.  78  :  49 ;  Rev.  16  :  10).  Then  would 
it  be  seen  that  God's  people,  in  their  loyalty  to 
him,  escape  many  calamities  which  befall  the 
evil  doers  through  their  own  evil-doing.  Call 
that  "  misfortune "  which  leaves  a  dwelling 
squalid,  filthy  and  miserable,  where  strong  drink 
is  allowed  to  rule  and  ruin  !  Call  that  "  mis- 
fortune," and  reflect,  in  view  of  it,  on  God's 
government,  when  lunacy  is  in  the  ascendant, 
where  human  heartlessness  and  cruel  wrongs 
have  struck  blow  after  blow  till  reason  reeled  ! 
Many  a  family  is  miserable  because  of  violence 
of  temper  in  some  of  its  members.  The  rest 
live  as  over  a  volcano  which  at  any  time  may 
send  out  its  smoke   and  fire,  or  they  breathe 


WISE   CHOICE.  83 

with  pain  an  atmosphere  poisoned  by  peevish- 
ness and  fretfulness.  Godliness  puts  a  bridle 
on  the  tongue  and  a  curb  on  the  temper.  It 
throws,  like  the  prophet  at  Jericho,  healing  salt 
into  the  bitter  waters,  and  they  lose  their  bit- 
terness. Jealousy  does  not  consume,  nor 
violence  waste,  in  the  homes  where  God  is 
honored. 

They  who  fear  God  have  light  within  them. 
Even  when  they  suffer,  as  they  often  do,  from 
the  sins  of  those  whose  lives  are  as  a  part  of 
their  own,  they  have  no  pang  of  remorse.  No 
accusing  conscience  torments  them.  Faith  and 
hope  can  make  music  in  the  soul  when  there  is 
gloom  around.  The  motives  to  exertion  and 
effort  remain  with  them  when  others  are  par- 
alyzed with  terror  or  impotent  in  their  despair. 
As  the  pines  on  the  hill-sides  with  little  seem- 
ing foothold,  and  beaten  by  many  a  blast,  yet 
hold  their  ground  and  grow  up  in  tall  and 
stately  dignity,  giving  grace  to  scenes  that 
would  otherwise  be  bleak  and  bare,  so  God- 
fearing men  and  women,  who  have  learned  to 
be  content,  to  sing  praises  in  prisons,  hold  their 
ground,  "  eat  and  are  satisfied,"  and  give  glory 


84  A-    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

to  Christ,  and  good  cheer  to  the  fainting  around 
them,  when  but  for  them  all  would  be  dreary 
and  discouraging.  Would  you,  readers,  have 
light  in  your  dwellings  ?  Be  of  God's  Israel. 
Believe  the  love  that  God  has  toward  you  in 
Jesus  Christ,  in  whom  it  is  declared.  Love 
him  in  return.  This  love  will  prompt  to  the 
keeping  of  his  commandments,  and  they  are 
not  grievous.  It  is  the  breach  of  them  that  is 
grievous.  Have  regard  to  the  divine  will  in 
every  act  of  choice,  in  every  decision  for  your- 
selves and  for  those  linked  to  you.  So,  though 
you  be  not  yet  in  Canaan  but  in  Egypt,  though 
evil  be  around  you,  and  you  are  compelled  to 
see  it,  perhaps  in  some  degree  to  feel  it.  there 
will  be  peace  in  your  coasciences,  light  in  your 
dwellings. 


The  voice  that  breathed  o'er  Eden 

That  earliest  wedding-day, 
The  primal  marriage  blessing, 

It  hath  not  passed  away. 

Still  in  the  pure  espousal 
Of  Christian  man  and  maid, 

The  Holy  Three  are  with  us, 
The  threefold  grace  is  said. 

For  dower  of  blessed  children, 
For  love  of  faith's  sweet  sake, 

For  high  mysterious  union 

Which  naught  on  earth  can  break. 

Keble, 


CHAPTER  V. 

MUTUAL    HELP   AND    CARE. 

Two  better  than  one — Captain  Kane  and  the  Esquimaux 
chief — Human  capacities  provided  for — "  Solitary  in  fami- 
lies"—  Spiritual  communion — Book  of  remembrance — 
Reflex  influences — The  desert  blossoming — Marriage  ties 
consecrated — James  Sherman's  parents — Joseph  and  As- 
enath  —  Husbands  won  —  Words  of  warning  —  Married 
coquettes — "Which  family?" — Human  wrecks — Children 
ruined — Pure  men's  duty — The  inclined  plane. 

A  strophe  in  the  book  of  Ecclesiastes  well 
represents  the  gain  of  companionship  and  the 
weakness  of  isolation.  The  writer  fixes  his  eye 
on  a  solitary  being — "  one  alone,  and  .  .  .  not  a 
second"  with  him;  he  is  childless  and  brother- 
less.  There  is  none  to  share  the  fruit  of  his 
toil.  "  Two  are  better  than  one."  Their  joint 
work  is  more  than  the  double  of  what  each  can 
do  alone.  The  weakness  of  one,  moreover,  is 
supplemented  by  the  helpful  strength  of  the 
other.  So  the  Master  sent  out  the  disciples 
to  their  difficult  task  "  two  and  two."  Woe  to 
him  that  sinks  down  alone ;  there  is  none  to 
keep  him  up.     Captain  Kane  tells  in  the  jour- 

(87) 


88  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

nal  of  his  Arctic  Voyage  how  gladly  he  slept 
as  close  as  possible  to  the  Esquimaux  chief 
Kalatunah,  when  the  intense  cold  made  even 
a  savage  a  welcome  companion.  So  in  a  milder 
degree  the  poorer  Orientals,  with  no  clothing 
but  what  they  carried  on  them,  must  have 
often  realized  the  same  fact  on  their  journeys 
through  the  wilderness  in  the  chill  of  their 
nights.  "If  two  lie  together,  then  they  have 
heat :  but  how  can  one  be  warm  alone  f"  One 
may  be  worsted  by  a  single  foe,  against  whom 
two  would  be  adequate  protection ;  and  if  there 
be  three  on  a  side,  so  much  the  better :  "  a 
threefold  cord  is  not  quickly  broken." 

There  is  no  need  to  seek  out  a  deep,  mysti- 
cal meaning  in  this  proverbial  saying  founded 
on  the  art  which  draws  out  the  hemp  into 
separate  strands  mutually  bracing,  instead  of 
twisting  it  in  one  ever-loosening  mass.  There 
is  no  reason  to  discover  in  this  the  evangelical 
combination  of  faith,  hope  and  love,  still  less 
the  mystery  of  the  Trinity.  It  is  a  simple 
statement  of  strength  in  association.  Better 
than  in  the  German  proverb  quoted  by  Lockler, 
"  Strong  alone,  but  stronger  with  others,"  is 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND    CARE.  89 

the  idea  expressed  in  the  Talmud,  "  A  man 
without  companions  is  like  the  left  hand  with- 
out the  right."  This  element  of  power  through 
association,  illustrated  in  the  state,  consecrated 
in  the  church — the  communion  of  saints — has 
its  best  manifestation  in  the  divine  arrangement 
by  which  the  solitary  are  set  in  families,  or,  as 
Dr.  J.  A.  Alexander  renders  it,  "  God  makes 
the  lonely  dwell  in  houses."* 

Solitary  confinement  is  the  terrible  aggrava- 
tion of  the  prisoner's  sentence — misery  piled 
upon  misery.  Man  was  made  for  fellowship. 
He  has  the  power  to  catch  meaning  from  ges- 
ture, eye  and  tongue  in  others,  and  to  utter  in 
response  his  own  thoughts  and  feelings.  He 
has  inner  affections  that  crave  expression  : 

"  How  sweet,  how  pleasing  sweet  is  solitude  ! 
But  grant  me  still  a  friend  in  my  retreat 
Whom  I  can  whisper,  Solitude  is  sweet." 

Plato  thought  that  he  who  delights  in  absolute 
solitude  is  either  a  beast  or  a  god.  The  Creator 
alone  has  all  resources  in  himself;  the  creature 
is  dependent.     The  Infinite  "  is  his  own  circle, 

*  Psalm  68  :  6. 


90  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

and  can  subsist  by  himself ;"  men  are  miserable 
until  understood,  loved,  and  at  liberty  to  speak 
and  cultivate  fellowship.  The  proofs  of  this 
are  many  and  varied.  Cowper  did  not  over- 
state, probably,  when  he  puts  into  the  lips  of 
the  Scottish  sailor,  Alexander  Selkirk,  alone 
on  the  isle  of  Juan  Fernandez,  the  words : 

"  O  solitude  !  where  are  the  charms 
That  sages  have  seen  in  thy  face? 
Better  dwell  in  the  midst  of  alarms 
Than  reign  in  this  horrible  place." 

For  mans  aptitudes  he  who  made  him  has 
fittingly  provided  in  the  home,  in  social  life, 
and  in  the  communion  of  saints.  Any  strug- 
gles after  enjoyment  on  other  lines  than  these 
must  be  fitful,  hurtful,  and  in  the  end  unsuc- 
cessful. In  all  the  relations  in  which  God 
puts  us,  we  are  not  merely  to  be  simple,  truth- 
ful and  pure  in  the  interchange  of  thought  and 
feeling,  but  we  are  required  to  breathe  a 
heavenly  spirit  into  our  intercourse,  to  conse- 
crate social  feeling,  and  to  make  of  natural 
emotions  spiritual  links,  binding  us  to  one  an- 
other and  to  the  eternal  King  and  his  heavenly 
kingdom.     Co-heirs  of  that  inheritance,   con- 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND   CARE.  91 

scious  of  their  standing,  and  dwelling  together, 
cannot  be  silent  about  it.  "  They  that  feared 
the  Lord  spake  often  one  to  another :  and  the 
Lord  hearkened,  and  heard  it,  and  a  book  of 
remembrance  was  written  before  him  for  them 
that  feared  the  Lord,  and  that  thought  upon 
his  name."  The  "  stout"  words  of  the  ungodly 
called  out  the  pity  of  the  God-fearing.  "  It  is 
vain  to  serve  God,"  said  the  scoffers.*  The 
louder  their  words  the  more  the  godly  said 
among  themselves  for  God.  So  it  will  be  till 
the  day  of  divine  vindication  and  complete 
severance  between  those  who  fear  and  those 
who  disregard  the  Almighty.  Meantime  he 
whom  some  treated  as  an  idle  onlooker,  speak- 
ing after  human  fashion,  was  bending  the  ear, 
and  as  the  kings  of  the  Orient  had  their  chron- 
icles, with  the  names  and  deeds  of  their  faith- 
ful servants  (Esther  6  : 1),  as  Moses  was  bidden 
to  write  "a  memorial  in  a  book"  (Ex.  17  :  14), 
so  he  who  uniformly  speaks  in  human  language 
and  uses  human  imagery  that  he  may  be  under- 

*  See  the  whole  connection  in  Mai.  3  :  13-18,  on  which 
Pusey,  in  his  Minor  Prophets,  has  some  admirable  remarks, 
of  which  we  have  made  some  use. 


92  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

stood  by  human  beings,  who  "  remembers," 
though  all  time  is  present  to  his  view,  speaks 
by  Daniel  of  the  judgment  being  set  and  the 
books  opened  (Dan.  7  :  10).  So  John,  usually 
adopting  figures  from  foregoing  Scripture,  and 
so  marking  the  unity  of  the  whole,  and  giving 
fitness  to  the  closing  book  of  Revelation,  speaks 
of  the  "  books  opened,"  and  of  the  book  of  life 
— a  book  already  referred  to  by  Moses  (Ex. 
32  :  32)  and  David  (Ps.  69  :  28),  and  even  by 
our  Lord,  when  he  says,  "Rejoice  because 
your  names  are  written  in  heaven."  Husband, 
wife,  how  much  is  there  to  your  credit  in  that 
book  of  remembrance  ?  How  often,  when  light 
and  scornful  words  have  chilled  the  heart  of 
lowly  saints,  have  you  revived  the  drooping 
faith,  and  restored  courage  and  confidence  ? 
When  unbelief,  without  self-respect  and  care- 
less of  consequences,  has  scattered  its  fires, 
have  you  quenched  them  with  water  from  the 
fountains  of  eternal  truth  ?  How  often,  when 
fears  chilled  the  heart  bound  to  yours,  have 
you  uttered  words  of  holy  cheer  ?  How  often 
has  the  faith  of  one  shamed  the  doubts  of  the 
other  ?     For  such  is  a  privilege  you  may  have, 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND   CARE.  93 

and  there  will  be  place  for  it  in  God's  book  of 
remembrance. 

But  not  for  his  sake  only,  nor  in  dutiful  care 
for  wife  or  husband,  nor  for  the  sake  of  cheer- 
ing the  dispirited,  are  we  to  speak  true,  brave, 
kind,  sympathetic  words,  but  for  our  own  sake 
also,  as  a  check  on  the  tendency  of  the  world 
to  preoccupy  and  engage  us.  "  Exhort  one 
another  daily."  Ministers  are  to  preach  to 
their  people,  but  the  people  are  to  preach 
to  one  another.  Ministers  conduct  Sabbath 
services.  This  ministration  is  to  be  "  daily." 
Reflex  influences  are  to  be  thought  of.  The 
confessor  is  strengthened  in  the  act  of  confess- 
ing. There  is  daily  danger.  As  certainly  as 
the  ink  dries  in  the  air,  as  the  clay  hardens  in 
the  brick,  as  the  soil  in  the  time  of  drought 
becomes  parched  and  unproductive,  the  corn  in 
it  dying,  so  certainly  the  deceitfulness  of  sin 
hardens  and  deadens  the  heart,  and  forbids 
any  spiritual  fruitfulness.  Against  all  this, 
Christian  fidelity  is  to  be  the  barrier.  The 
plains  through  which  the  traveller  is  carried 
westward  toward  the  Rocky  Mountains  seem 
barren  and  useless.    The  sage-bush  monopolizes 


94  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

the  wastes.  But  one  comes  to  a  place  where 
industry  has  brought  the  water  from  the  hill- 
side, inclosed  the  garden,  set  out  the  fruit- 
trees,  and  planted  the  grain,  and  a  literal,  a 
most  definite  oasis  rises  up  in  the  desert.  Such 
spiritual  irrigation  we  must  use  in  the  home 
for  the  good  of  one  another.  "  Exhort  one 
another  daily,  .  .  .  lest  any  of  you  be  hard- 
ened th  rough  the  deceitfulness  of  sin."  Why 
should  right  feelings  be  lost?  Why  should 
old  and  true  convictions  be  given  up  in  new 
relations  ?  Why  should  a  high  ideal  of  life, 
cherished  in  the  days  of  hopeful  and  poetic 
youth,  be  exchanged  for  the  creed  of  the  fool- 
ish, "Let  us  eat  and  drink;  for  to-morrow 
we  die  "?  Why  should  the  fellow  creature  at 
our  side,  once  perhaps  reverent,  tender  and 
conscientious,  become  cold,  hard  and  reckless, 
if  any  word  of  love,  fidelity  and  pleading  on 
our  part  can  arrest  the  decay  ?  "  He  who  does 
not  speak  truth  freely  is  a  betrayer  of  the 
truth." 

For,  consider  and  closely  apply  these  prin- 
ciples to  life  in  the  home.  Two  persons  have 
become    one   in   affection,  interest   and  aims. 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND   CARE.  95 

They  are  nearer  to  one  another  than  either  can 
be  to  any  other  human  being.  They  have 
common  joys,  cares,  hopes  and  burdens.  There 
is  natural  fellowship  between  them.*  But  is 
this  all?  Should  there  not  also  be  spirit- 
ual communion?  Take  the  case — thank  God 
that  there  are  so  many ! — of  husband  and  wife 
both  knowing  and  confessing  Christ.  How 
truly  they  may  speak  often  one  to  another ! 
The  deepest  interests  they  have  are  religious. 
Happy  as  they  are  in  one  another  and  in  their 
home,    this    felicity  is    but    a    foreshadowing 

*  It  is  very  common  in  the  homilies  addressed  to  women 
as  wives  to  urge  the  importance  of  their  being  cheerful,  and 
of  their  maintaining  an  atmosphere  of  "  sweetness  and  light" 
in  the  dwelling ;  nor  can  too  much  importance  be  attached 
to  the  attractions  to  be  thus  given  to  home.  But  it  would 
be  most  unfair  to  put  on  the  wife  the  exclusive  responsibility 
in  this  regard.  Her  duties  are  monotonous,  prosaic,  and 
often  irksome.  She  has  little  of  the  variety  and  of  the  stimu- 
lus which  a  healthy  business  or  professional  man  enjoys  in 
constant  contact  with  his  fellows.  He  should  bring  fresh- 
ness, interest  and  animation  into  the  home.  His  words 
should  lift  her  for  the  time  out  of  the  petty  rut  of  domestic 
management  and  diplomacy  about  "  service  "  and  kitchen- 
supplies.  In  one  word,  the  husband  and  the  wife  are 
equally  bound  each  to  cheer  and  brighten  the  life  of  the 
other,  and  both  that  of  their  household. 


96  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

to  them  of  higher  bliss  in  a  home  eternal. 
Their  profoundest  experiences — those  which 
make  life  and  character — are  religious.  How 
intimate  and  strengthening  their  converse  may 
well  be !  Even  before  union,  gracious  influ- 
ences are  often  carried  from  one  heart  to 
another  on  the  wings  of  kindly  and  gentle 
words.  Here  is  the  simple  account  which 
the  Rev.  James  Sherman,  long  a  faithful  pas- 
tor in  London,  gives  of  his  parents'  religious 
life: 

"  My  father  was  brought  to  decision  for  God 
under  the  ministry  of  the  Rev.  John  Newton, 
of  St.  Mary  Woolnoth,  though  the  seeds  of 
piety  were  sown  in  his  heart  by  my  mother 
during  the  period  of  their  courtship.  By  her 
he  was  entreated  to  hear  the  gospel  fully 
preached  on  the  Sabbath.  '  The  gospel  ?'  he 
replied ;  '  why,  are  not  the  gospel  and  epistle 
read  in  the  church  every  Sunday  ?'  However, 
at  last  she  prevailed  upon  him  to  hear  Mr. 
Newton,  whose  preaching  was  so  different  from 
anything  that  he  had  previously  heard,  and 
the  way  of  a  sinner's  salvation  was  so  clearly 
pointed  out,  that  he  became  alarmed  for  his 


MUTUAL    HELP  AND    CARE.  97 

safety,  and  no  longer  required  urging  to  at- 
tend."* 

Where  one  of  the  two  does  not  know  or 
obey  the  truth,  it  is  needless  to  show  that  the 
obligation  on  the  other  is  clear  and  explicit. 
We  cannot  fancy  Joseph  silent  to  his  Egyptian 
wife  regarding  the  God  of  Israel,  nor  Moses 
holding  his  peace  regarding  the  God  of  his 
fathers  to  the  mother  of  his  sons.  In  the 
membership  of  the  churches  there  are  com- 
monly more  women  than  men.  Was  it  so  in 
the  days  of  the  apostles  ?  We  do  not  read  of 
godless  wives  won  by  the  lives  of  their  hus- 
bands to  the  faith  of  Christ,  but  the  wives  are 
encouraged  to  hope  that  where  their  husbands 
obey  not  the  word,  they  may  be  won  by  the 
pure,  gentle  life  of  those  who  own  subjec- 
tion to  them,  and  yet  serve  God  in  the  "  beau- 
ties of  holiness."  The  desire  to  please,  to 
attract,  to  win  esteem  and  regard,  is,  within 
certain  limits,  right  in  man  and  woman;  but 
oh,  how  holy  is  the  ambition  in  a  godly  woman, 
not  by  airs  of  conscious  sanctity,  or  the  dicta- 
Memoir  of  the  Rev.  James  Sherman,  by  Henry  Allon, 
p.  17. 
7 


98  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

tion  of  religious  superiority,  but  by  reverent 
fidelity  to  all  marriage  vows  and  all  gentle 
service  of  Christ,  to  win  the  sharer  of  her  life 
to  the  obedience  of  Christ ! 

It  would  not  be  right  to  quit  this  subject  of 
mutual  care  without  some  words  of  warning. 
Many  who  never  meant  to  sink  have  yet  gone 
down  in  married  life.  "  Want  of  thought" 
works  evil  no  less  than  settled  purpose.  Mar- 
ried life  cannot  in  the  nature  of  things  retain 
the  proportion  of  high  poetic  sentiment  that 
obtained,  and  rightly  obtained,  in  the  period 
preceding  it.  The  business  of  the  world  ne- 
cessitates much  prose.  And  the  near,  unre- 
served intercourse  of  the  home,  while  it  many 
times  discloses  unlooked-for  virtues,  often 
brings  to  light  unexpected  peculiarities,  whims, 
idiosyncrasies,  which  perhaps  held  themselves 
out  of  sight  before,  or  which  perhaps  the  fond, 
admiring  eye  did  not  notice.  Here  it  is  that 
high  tone  and  true  nobleness  are  to  show 
themselves.  Every  individual  has  his  or  her 
own  way,  and,  within  the  limits  of  right,  that 
way  is  not  to  be  interfered  with.  Impatience, 
petulant  criticism,  petty  fault-finding,  invidious 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND    CARE.  99 

comparisons  with  others,  are  as  foolish  in 
themselves  as  they  are  heartless  to  the  party 
rebuked.  The  man  who  can  tell  his  wife  that 
she  should  carry  herself  like  some  one  of  their 
mutual  acquaintance  wounds  her  deeply, 
whether  she  shows  it  or  not  by  the  reply, 
"  Why  did  not  you  propose  for  her  ?  Maybe 
you  did,  and  she  would  not  have  you."  The 
woman  who  holds  up  to  her  husband  some 
other  man  whose  ways  she  prefers  to  his  not 
merely  humiliates  him  through  his  self-love, 
but  sets  him  to  inquire  how  many  complicated 
aims  may  have  led  to  her  acceptance  of  him. 
So  coldness,  chilling  alienation,  embarrassing 
restraint,  are  introduced  where  all  ought  to  be 
warm,  gentle  and  genial  as  the  sunshine  of  the 
spring. 

Of  the  weakness  which,  from  vanity,  love 
of  admiration,  or  prurient  curiosity,  leads  hus- 
band or  wife  to  seek  and  to  take  satisfaction 
in  the  society  of  persons  of  the  other  sex,  to 
the  disregard,  even  for  a  moment,  of  the  chosen 
object  of  avowedly  paramount  affection,  nothing 
need  here  be  said.  Christian  homes  are  con- 
templated. 


100  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

But  that  there  is  danger  in  society,  and  that 
it  becomes  fatal  to  many  a  union,  no  one  can 
live  in  the  world  and  not  know.  Women, 
while  the  "breadwinners" — the  house-bands,  as 
the  old  Anglo-Saxon  made  the  word* — are 
busy  with  necessary  toil,  will  welcome  the 
corrupt  compliments  of  the  idle  and  showy, 
whose  very  attentions  are  proofs  of  inferior 
principle  and  base  mental  constitution.  The 
thing  is  so  far  felt  by  them  to  be  questionable 
that  it  is  wholly  or  partially  concealed  from  the 
husbands,  and  when  it  readies  them  for  the 
first  time  through  others — who  speak  with 
more  or  less  regard  for  their  welfare — impaired 
respect,  loss  of  confidence  and  peace  of  mind 
will  be  the  inevitable  results.  Jealousy  and 
rage  are  often  enough  the  sad  product.  Dis- 
couragement in  a  man's  business  is  the  near 
consequence.  "Why  toil,  deny  myself  and  plan 
for  a  woman  who  finds  her  joys  elsewhere?" 
Revenge  in  kind  is  sometimes  taken.  Aliena- 
tion is  certain  to  follow.     Life  is  poisoned  and 


*  "  The  name  of  the  husband,  what  is  it  to  say? 

Of  wife  and  of  household  the  band  and  the  stay." 

Tcsser. 


MUTUAL    HELP  AND    CARE.  101 

homo  is  turned,  in  marked  cases,  into  a  portico 
of  hell.  Of  the  tragic  issues  in  scandals  and 
divorce-court  pleas  one  needs  to  say  nothing. 
They  speak  for  themselves.  In  part  the  re- 
sults of  our  growing  stupid  and  contemptible 
copying  of  European  ways,  deemed  to  belong 
to  "  high  life ;"  in  part  the  outcome  of  hotel- 
life  as  distinguished  from  home-life ;  in  part 
the  product  of  loose,  irreligious  and  unhealthy 
tastes,  provided  for  and  .strengthened  by  the 
panderers  to  the  pleasures  of  society,  and  in  part 
the  indirect  attendants  of  great  wealth  and  little 
religion — these  social  incidents  arc  becoming  our 
national  disgrace.  As  citizens  we  should  not 
only  blush  for  the  evil,  bat  resist  the  beginning 
of  it;  as  Christians  we  should  use  all  preventive 
measures  within  our  reach.  All  honest  men 
should  create  and  maintain  right  sentiment  on 
the  subject.  All  pure  women  should  be  ready 
to  say,  as  a  woman  has  said  : 

"  A  worthless  woman  !  mere  cold  clay, 
As  all  false  things  are ;  but  so  fair 
She  takes  the  breath  of  men  away 
Who  gaze  upon  h'>r  unaware; 
f  would  not  play  her  larcenous  tricks 
To  have  her  looks." 


102  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

But  it  is  not  women  alone  who  err  here. 
Men  rich  and  poor  (and  probably  the  propor- 
tion of  transgressors  to  each  class  is  about  the 
same)  sin  before  marriage,  so  as  to  imperil  the 
peace  of  their  union,  if  it  even  be  justifiable. 
"He  is  troubled  about  his  family,"  said  one, 
in  sympathy  with  a  broken-down  merchant. 
"  Which  family  ?"  was  the  reply.  He  who  made 
that  cynical  rejoinder  knew  how  the  broken- 
down  man,  his  brother-in-law,  had  blighted  the 
life  of  his  sister,  the  mother  of  his  legitimate 
children.  In  the  showy  walks  of  a  hollow  and 
conventional  "  fashionable  life,"  covering  up 
heart-woe  under  Parisian  attire  and  studied 
manners,  in  the  gloomy  privacy  of  loveless 
chambers,  in  houses  of  shame,  in  early  graves, 
and  in  the  living  tomb  of  the  lunatic  asylum, 
may  be  found  the  victims  of  man's  infidelity. 
"  A  woman's  lot  is  made  for  her,"  in  a  good 
degree,  "  by  the  love  she  accepts."  When  it  is 
the  love  of  a  dissolute  liar,  the  more  she  is  of 
a  true  woman,  the  heavier  the  blow  when  the 
discovery  is  forced  upon  her,  and  every  hollow 
compliment  from  him  ever  after  awakens 
"thoughts    like    willful    tormentors."      When 


MUTUAL   HELP  AND    CARE.  103 

children  know  the  facts — as  all  too  often  they 
come  to  know  them — what  can  be  the  result 
but  loss  of  respect,  sympathy,  perhaps,  with 
one  parent  and  scorn  of  the  other,  or  the  un- 
doing of  every  inculcated  lesson  of  purity,  and 
the  ruinous  tread  in  the  father's  footsteps  ? 

These  pages  will  not  fall  under  the  eye  of 
such  men  as  we  have  imperfectly  described, 
for  they  do  not  "  believe  in  pious  books ;"  but 
they  may  reach  some  not  yet  on  the  tempting 
inclined  plane,  who  will,  through  them,  under- 
stand better  the  tendencies  of  things,  and  be 
led  to  turn  their  backs  on  everything,  in  word 
or  look,  in  act  or  on  the  printed  page,  which 
corrupts  man  or  woman,  and  carries  the  fever 
germs  of  lawless  lust  into  the  sanctity  of 
home. 


0  happy  house  !  where  thou  art  not  forgot, 

Where  joy  is  flowing  full  and  free  ; 
0  happy  house  I  where  every  woUnd  is  brought, 

Physician,  Comforter,  to  thee, 
Until  at  last,  earth's  day's  work  ended, 

All  meet  thee  in  that  home  above 
From  whence  thou  earnest,  where  thou  hast  ascended, 

'i'hy  heaven  of  glory  and  of  love. 

Karl  I.  P.  Spitta. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

THE    LIGHTS    AND    SHADOWS   OF    HOME-LIFE. 

Topic  ever  fresh — Home  touched  at  every  point  by  inspira- 
tion— Pure  atmosphere — Wedding-day — A  perpetual  dos- 
ology — Setting  out  wisely — Bright  skies  clouded — "  Clear 
shining  after  rain" — Esaus  and  Absaloms — The  spirit  of 
Samuel — Heroic  self-denial — "  Keverse  of  fortune  " — The 
tentmaker — The  carpenter's  son — The  want  of  six  cents — 
A  family  tryst — Thorn-crowned  kings — Thanksgiving  at 
home — "  Ebenezer  "  raised  in  the  parsonage. 

The  subject  of  home  is  ever  fresh  and  al- 
ways timely.  Spring  is  not  uninteresting  to 
us  because  we  have  seen  it  many  times.  Nor 
are  pictures  of  home  dull  or  common  because 
we  have  often  looked  on  the  like.  "  Home  is 
home,  however  homely,"  and  the  best  part  of 
our  memories  and  of  our  earthly  hopes  is  com- 
monly linked  with  it.  We  c;m  find  many  an 
excuse  for  the  frailties  of  those  who  never  had 
a  home.  Our  earliest  conscious  life  was  lived 
at  home,  and  our  first  duties,  next  to  those  we 
owe  to  God,  are  to  our  homes.  No  wonder  that 
Christ  said,  "  Go  home  to  thy  friends,  and  tell 

(105) 


106  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

them  how  great  things  the  Lord  hath  done  for 
thee." 

The  Bible,  as  we  have  seen,  is  full  and  ex- 
plicit on  the  subject  of  home.  It  lays  the 
foundation  of  it  in  holy  marriage.  It  fixes  the 
relations  between  husband  and  wife,  parent  and 
child.  Two  at  least  of  the  commandments  are 
safeguards  of  the  home.  The  newly-married 
man,  under  the  Mosaic  arrangements,  was 
exempt  from  war  and  any  duty  that  would  take 
him  away,  -"  hut  he  shall  be  free  at  home  one 
year,  and  shall  cheer  up  his  wife  which  he  hath 
taken."  She  had  quitted  for  him  the  house  of 
her  father ;  he  is  to  make  the  transition  as 
easy  as  possible.  The  high  resolve  of  the 
Psalmist  is  "  I  will  walk  within  my  house  with 
a  perfect  heart"  (Ps.  101:  2).  The  descrip- 
tion of  a  thoroughly-depraved  transgressor 
against  God  is,  in  the  stern  speech  of  the  Old 
Testament  prophet,  "Yea  also,  because  he 
transgresseth  by  wine,  he  is  a  proud  man, 
neither  keepeth  at  home "  (Hab.  2:5).  On 
the  contrary  a  prominent  feature  in  the  char- 
acter to  be  impressed  on  the  younger  women, 
according  to  the  practical  teaching  of  the  New 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADO  WS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    107 

Testament,  is  that  they  be  "  keepers  at  home." 
It  is  no  extravagant  assertion  that  home-life  is 
sweet  and  pure  in  the  degree  in  which  the 
divine  counsels  purify  its  atmosphere,  and  the 
divine  will  is  regarded  in  its  arrangements. 
High  honor  is  put  upon  the  elements  of  home 
when  the  Creator  is  "  our  Father,"  when  we  are 
comforted  by  him,  "as  one  whom  his  mother 
comforteth,"  when  Christ  is  our  "Elder  Brother," 
when  we  belong  to  "  the  whole  family  in 
heaven  and  earth  .  .  .  named  "  after  him,  and 
when  our  hope  is,  wheu  absent  from  the  body, 
to  be  "at  home  with  the  Lord."  Selecting  a 
few  of  the  incidents  and  features  of  home-life, 
let  us  see  how  the  light  of  revelation  shines  on 
them,  and  how  in  that  light  we,  who  receive  the 
revelation  as  a  perfect  rule  of  faith  and  practice, 
ought  to  regard  them. 

That  event,  with  its  attendant  manifestations 
of  joy  and  sympathy  and  hopefulness,  which 
our  Lord  graced  with  his  presence  at  Cana 
cannot  be  without  interest  in  any  circle.  A 
marriage  influences  strongly,  for  good  or  for 
ill,  the  condition  of  at  least  two  persons.  It 
has  moral  and  spiritual,  as  well  as  social  and 


108  A    CHRISTIAN   HUME. 

material,  aspects.  Not  one  word  is  to  be  said 
against  displays  of  gladness  and  outward  and 
sensible  signs  of  goodwill  to  those  immediately 
concerned,  so  long  as  they  are  within  the  lines 
of  prudence,  and  are  sincere  and  unostentatious. 
Nothing  is  to  be  said  against  the  publicity,  the 
joyous  emphasis,  given  to  all  connected  with  it. 
Life  has  none  too  much  of  innocent  enjoyment. 
But  care  is  to  be  taken  that  the  "  children  of 
the  bride-chamber  "  do  not  put  out  of  sight  the 
greater  elements  of  the  matter,  the  depend- 
ence on  the  Almighty,  the  recognition  of  him 
in  the  heart,  and  the  serious  and  earnest 
committing  of  the  lives  immediately  affected 
to  his  guidance.  As  is  pointed  out  elsewhere, 
the  state  has  a  definite  and  necessary  relation 
to  marriage.  Although  no  Scripture  command 
connects  the  church  with  it,  in  the  nature  of 
things,  in  the  development  of  Christian  life, 
solemn  religious  service  ratines  the  union  of 
Christians.  Even  heathen  sense  of  propriety 
led  to  a  like  course  in  the  times  before  Christ. 
The  principles  embodied  and  expressed  in  this 
usage  must  not  be  forgotten. 

The  excitement,  preoccupation  and  novelty 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    109 

of  experiences  may  be  unwisely  allowed  to  shut 
out  the  very  recollection  and  convictions  under 
which  the  steps  of  life  ought  to  be  taken,  if  it 
is  to  be  deep,  true,  pure  and  sincere.  A  period 
of  artificial  and  stimulating  excitement  is  a 
bad  preparation  for  the  prudent  arrangements 
and  careful  and  well-considered  plans  of  life. 
No  union  is  so  complete  as  not  to  require 
mutual  concessions;  and  we  are  but  poorly 
prepared  for  making  them  by  the  accompani- 
ments which  custom  links  with  a  marriage. 
These,  while  they  are  innocent  and  the  true 
expressions  of  honest  feeling,  are  not  to  be 
deplored;  but  wise  and  reverent  believers  will 
try  to  keep  God  and  his  will  before  the  mind ; 
will  seek  to  hold  the  deeper  things  of  life  in 
view;  will  rate  the  demonstrations  at  their 
true  worth,  and  try  to  feel  habitually  that  the 
outcome  is  to  be  as  each  is  to  the  other  in  the 
union,  and  as  both  are  to  the  Father  in  heaven. 
To  realize  the  eager  good  wishes  of  their  friends 
for  ''long  life  and  happiness,"  the  bride  and 
groom  do  best  when  they,  with  becoming  earn- 
estness, dedicate  their  joint  life  to  the  glory  of 
the  Father  and  of  the  Son  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 


110  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

"  Gay  mirth  shall  deepen  into  joy, 
Earth's  hopes  shall  grow  divine, 
When  Jesus  visits  us,  to  turn 
Life's  water  into  wine." 

There  are  certain  gifts  and  graces  commonly 
needed  in  the  life  of  the  newly  married,  and 
then  called  for  for  the  first  time.  Parents  and 
friends  have,  until  now,  made  arrangements  and 
determined  the  character  of  the  home.  New 
decisions  have  now  to  be  made  by  themselves. 
A  prudent,  safe  arrangement,  marked  by  mod- 
eration and  good  sense,  is  of  the  utmost  moment 
at  the  outset.  But  this  demands  the  "  discre- 
tion "  or  judgment  with  which  good  men  guide 
their  affairs  (Ps.  112  :  5),  which  is  all  through 
the  book  of  Proverbs  the  equivalent  of  taste, 
sense  or  thoughtfulness.  (See  Prov.  1:4;  2 : 
11 ;  3  :  21 ;  5:2;  11  :  22.)  Many  a  time  the 
eye  has  been  turned  to  the  estimate  of  acquaint- 
ances, the  supposed  demands  of  society,  and 
the  ambitious  and  unreasonable  reproduction 
of  the  comforts  and  appearances  of  the  home 
that  has  been  left  (which  is  itself  the  late  result 
of  a  life  of  industry  and  prudence),  and  the 
issue  has  been  embarrassing  and  humiliating 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    \\\ 

because  of  the  enforced  retrenchment ;  all  which 
had  been  avoided  if  the  prayer  had  gone  up  for 
the  wisdom  that  cometh  from  above,  and  the 
mind  had  been  cleared  and  elevated  in  its  aims 
by  "  communion  with  the  skies."  It  is  easy  to 
go  up  gradually.  It  is  hard  in  every  sense  of 
the  word  to  descend  gracefully. 

How  soon,  in  many  cases,  is  the  joyousness 
we  associate  with  a  new  home  interrupted  by 
sickness  or  suffering!  The  sky  was  bright; 
now  it  is  clouded.  The  orange  blossoms  were 
sweet ;  now  they  wither.  What  is  the  teach- 
ing of  the  divine  word  regarding  such  experi- 
ences ?  Sooner  or  later  pain  and  illness  come  to 
all,  because  we  are  members  of  a  fallen  race ;  we 
require  discipline ;  we  are  under  the  providence 
of  him  who  chastises  whom  he  loves,  and  warns 
by  his  providence  those  who  forget  him ;  we 
are  inclined  to  live  for  the  visible,  and  to  ex- 
pect satisfaction  out  of  it,  and  we  need  to  be 
disenchanted.  The  recollection  of  all  this  will 
prevent  the  young  home-builders  from  being 
paralyzed  with  surprise  or  fear ;  will  reconcile 
them  to  the  training  of  which  suffering  is  a 
part ;  will  lead  them  to  refer  the  issue  to  the 


112  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

Lord ;  and  even  aid  them  in  giving  those  un- 
selfish ministrations  of  care,  sympathy  and 
effort  which  are  often  in  different  ways  a 
durable  and  a  lasting  blessing  to  the  giver  and 
to  the  receiver.  Many  a  man  has  said,  "  I  never 
knew  how  true  and  good  a  wife  I  had  till  I  was 
ill."  Many  a  wife  has  said,  "  I  never  under- 
stood of  how  much  thought  and  tenderness  my 
husband  was  capable  until  I  needed  his  care." 
How  often  has  the  sickness  of  an  infant  drawn 
closer  and  closer  the  hearts  of  parents,  and 
brought  them  under  higher  influences  than 
those  of  mere  natural  feeling !  Jeroboam  is 
not  the  only  man  who  has  wished  for  counsel 
in  the  time  of  sore  sickness  of  a  child.  "  Get 
thee  to  Shiloh :  behold,  there  is  Ahijah  the 
prophet"  (1  Kings  14  :  2).  The  sorrow  may 
come  through  parent,  or  brother,  or  sister. 
Such  experiences  often  follow  fast  after  times 
of  joy.  To  have  a  call  from  God  in  this  form, 
and  not  to  heed  it,  is  the  sure  way  to  harden 
the  heart  and  prepare  for  visitations  that  are 
not  mercies,  but  judgments.  At  such  a  time 
it  is  wise  to  ask  God  for  self-control,  quietness 
and  confidence :  to  obtain  the  best  medical  aid 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    H3 

available  ;  to  call  for  the  sympathy  and  prayers 
of  godly  friends ;  and  while,  like  Mary  regard- 
ing her  mysterious  child,  pondering  and  laying 
up  many  things  in  the  heart,  to  do  in  each  hour 
that  which  seems  best  to  be  done  in  the  way 
of  giving  the  cup  of  cold  water;  and  all  this 
with  a  faith  that  sees  him  who  is  invisible, 
bringing  the  sufferers  to  Christ,  as  men  did  to 
him  when  he  walked  the  streets  of  their  town 
as  the  visible  incarnation  of  compassion  and  of 
healing  power.* 

But  other  exceptional  elements  can  enter 
into  the  life  of  a  home  in  which  faith  and 
patience  are  sorely  tried.  A  member  of  it  is 
the  occasion  of  grief,  anxiety  and  shame  on 
account  of  questionable  or  absolutely  bad  con- 

*In  some  instances  of  severe  sickness,  for  prudential  and 
medical  reasons,  there  is  no  opportunity  given  to  ministers 
to  bring  eternal  things  to  the  mind  of  the  sufferer.  No 
general  rule  of  action  can  be  laid  down  in  a  case  of  this  kind  ; 
but  it  is  generally  true  that  the  fitting  words  and  the  brief 
prayer  of  a  minister  are  helpful  rather  than  otherwise  to 
quiet,  hope  and  improvement.  At  the  same  time  long  expe- 
rience will  satisfy  most  ministers  that  too  much  importance 
is  not  to  be  attached  to  the  expressions  of  feeling  on  a  sick- 
bed. The  decisions  are  the  most  satisfactory  that  men  reach 
in  the  days  of  health  and  mental  vigor. 


114  -4    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

duct.  Many  an  Esau  vexes  his  mo'.her;  many 
an  Absalom  humiliates  his  father.  What  course 
does  the  divine  word  countenance  ?  To  begin 
with,  no  unnecessary  proclamation  of  the  fact 
is  demanded.  There  are  times  when  the  heart 
knows  its  own  bitterness,  and  properly  bears 
its  sorrows  alone  as  far  as  man  is  concerned. 
But  silence  to  all  that  are  without,  unless 
proper  occasion  makes  disclosure  a  duty,  is  to 
be  coupled  with  the  use  of  the  best  means  with 
him  or  her  who  is  the  cause  of  the  solicitude. 
Not  anger  but  grief,  not  resentment  but  com- 
passion, must  inspire  the  tone.  The  utmost 
self-restraint  is  needed.  The  wrong-doer  must 
see  that  it  is  not  merely  because  you  are  com- 
promised and  made  uncomfortable,  but  because 
wrong  is  done,  that  you  are  burdened. 

There  are  times  when  a  parent  is  sorely  ex- 
ercised regarding  a  child.  It  is  a  son  perhaps, 
unfavorably  placed  and  in  apparent  imminent 
danger.  For  herself  she  knows  the  truth, 
learned  it  long  ago,  and  by  God's  grace  will 
hold  it  fast  to  the  end.  But  the  child — alas, 
there  is  no  such  advantage  for  him.  Who 
forgets  the  picture  in  the  book  of  Genesis  in 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    115 

which  Hagar  is  the  central  figure  ?  Ishmael  is 
like  to  die  of  thirst.  She  has  laid  him  under 
a  shrub  :  she  cannot  bear  to  look  on  his  agony. 
Hark !  an  angel  speaks  to  the  wailing  mother 
in  her  helplessness.  "  Arise,  lift  up  the  lad, 
and  hold  him  in  thine  hand."  No  doubt  she 
obeyed.  She  could  not  find  water,  but  she 
could  do  that.  "  And  God  opened  her  eyes,  and 
she  saw  a  well  of  water,"  went  and  obtained 
the  needed  supply,  and  his  life  was  saved.  So, 
0  desponding  mother !  you  can  do.  Keep  your 
child  to  your  heart,  in  your  hand.  What  you 
can  do,  fail  not  and  faint  not  in  doing.  He 
can  open  springs  in  the  desert.  He  can  pour 
water  on  him  that  is  thirsty,  and  floods  upon 
the  dry  ground.  He  can  pour  his  Spirit  upon 
thy  seed  and  his  blessing  on  thine  offspring 
(Isa.  44:3). 

Faithful  words  of  warning  and  entreaty  are 
to  be  uttered,  and  in  the  spirit  of  Samuel,  who, 
when  told  of  the  rejection  of  Saul  and  of  the 
announcement  he  had  to  make  to  him,  "  cried 
unto  the  Lord  all  night"  (1  Sam.  15  :  11).  The 
remonstrance  uttered  in  the  morning  after  such 
a  night  is  likely  to  be  tender  and  impressive. 


116  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

"  I  can  bear  anything  but  their  tears,"  many  a 
wrong-doer  has  said,  as  he  thought  of  the 
pleadings  of  those  who  loved  hirn.  In  order 
to  make  such  remonstrances  of  moral  weight, 
we  who  utter  them  need  to  be  blameless.  The 
human  heart  easily  satisfies  itself  if  it  can  say. 
"He  censures  me  for  my  course  in  one  direc- 
tion because  it  happens  to  offend  or  mortify 
him.  He  goes  just  as  far  in  other  wrong 
directions."  Self-denial  may  be  made  necessary 
in  the  effort  to  reclaim.  It  may  be  fitting  to 
say,  "  I  do  not  for  myself  feel  any  danger  from 
it — the  game,  the  play,  the  society,  the 
;  club,'  the  party,  the  entertainment — but  it  is 
perilous  for  you;  and  for  your  sake  I  keep 
away  from  it."  We  must  not  allow  any  one  to 
say,  He  led  me  up  to  a  certain  point,  and 
where  his  dull  and  phlegmatic  nature  could  stop 
at  the  prudential  line,  he  stopped ;  but  he  de- 
nounces me  because  I  have  not  such  a  nature ! 
Some  heroes,  and  many  a  heroine,  have  de- 
veloped nobleness  in  God's  sight,  on  this  line 
of  duty,  when  friends  misunderstood  and  even 
censured  their  methods. 

Sometimes   reverses   come,   and   the   means 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    117 

once  enjoyed  are  no  longer  available.  Sacrifices 
have  to  be  made ;  valuables  have  to  be  parted 
with ;  innocent  enjoyments  have  to  be  given 
up.  The  utmost  economy  has  to  be  exercised 
in  order  to  preserve  self-respect  and  independ- 
ence. Such  are  among  the  hardest  trials  of 
home.  Now  work  has  to  be  done  that  was 
never  before  needful,  never  before  contem- 
plated. And  when  there  is  this  darkness  in 
the  providence  of  God,  nowhere  is  there  such 
light  as  in  the  word.  "Now  I  must  toil  for 
myself."  Well,  but  there  is  dignity  in  labor, 
when  God  makes  it  necessary.  Paul  was  a 
tentmaker,  and  not  ashamed  of  it.  Fishermen 
furnished  the  Master  with  friends  and  apostles, 
and  he  was  the  carpenter's  son.  It  is  among 
the  improbable  things  that  he  grew  up  in 
an  industrious  community  doing  nothing,  till 
thirty.  God's  providence  uses  such  necessities 
for  making  strong  character.  How  many 
men  of  wealth  and  power  in  this  land,  and 
indeed  in  all  civilized  lands,  were  poor  in  their 
youth  !  Emerson  was  not  ashamed  to  tell  that 
he  once  did  without  the  second  volume  of  a 
book  because  he  was  shown  that  his  mother 


118  A.    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

could  not  afford  the  six  cents  it  would  cost  at 
the  circulating  library.  When  such  a  strain 
is  put  on  the  faith  and  courage  of  a  family,  the 
divine  word  is  the  best  of  all  comforters  and 
guides.  It  teaches  submission  to  the  divine 
will.  It  asserts  its  wisdom  and  goodness.  It 
guides  and  stimulates  to  honest  effort.  It  cor- 
rects the  estimates  we  form  of  things.  It 
inspires  a  healthy  self-respect,  and  makes  us 
strong.  Let  any  earnest  person,  tempted  to 
discontent,  read  the  close  of  Paul's  first  letter 
to  Timothy,  with  its  solemn  warnings  against 
the  reckless  pursuit  of  wealth,  and  learn  how 
"godliness  with  contentment  is  great  gain." 
Wilson,  in  his  "  Lights  and  Shadows  of  Scottish 
Life,"  draws  a  charming  picture  of  a  family 
living  in  comfort  on  their  farm,  but  suddenly 
ruined.  The  announcement  is  made  by  the 
father,  but  to  his  surprise  his  sons  and  daugh- 
ters make  light  of  it,  show  how  they  can  make 
their  way,  and  fix  a  "  family  tryst "  for  that 
time  twelvemonth,  when  they  meet,  with  their 
earnings  and  their  joyous  tales  of  effort  and 
success.  It  must  be  a  well-told  tale  that  holds 
its   place   in  the   memory  for  thirty  or  forty 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.    H9 

years ;  but  it  is  only  a  tale.  It  is  not,  how- 
ever, fancy,  but  the  faithful  Father  of  all,  who 
through  life's  vicissitudes  teaches  us  to  lay  up  in 
store  for  ourselves  a  good  foundation  against 
the  time  to  come,  that  we  may  lay  hold  on 
eternal  life.  In  the  final  gathering  we  shall 
rejoice  together,  as  we  see  how  the  very  trials 
of  earth  fitted  us  for  the  inheritance  that  fadeth 
not  away. 

"  Our  dearest  hopes  in  pangs  are  born  ; 
The  kingliest  kings  are  crowned  with  thorn." 

But  there  are  bright  and  sunny  as  well  as 
dark  days  in  the  course  of  life.  Unexpected 
means  sometimes  come  and  a  freedom  from  care 
is  furnished,  that  were  never  expected.  Members 
of  a  family  develop  with  unexpected  and  en- 
couraging hopefulness.  Success  is  achieved  in 
the  face  of  difficulties.  A  conversion  takes 
place  in  the  family,  and  godly  parents,  half 
surprised,  see  some  of  the  seed  sown  come  up 
and  grow.  Is  there  anything  that  a  family 
should  learn  from  the  Bible  to  do  in  such  cir- 
cumstances ?  Why,  the  Lord,  who  told  the 
healed  man  to  go  home  and  tell  his  friends  how 


120  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

great  things  God  had  done  for  him,  gives  us 
the  suggestion.  Death  conies  and  it  drapes 
the  family  in  the  garments  of  mourning.  When 
life  comes — even  the  new  young  life  of  the 
infant  born  into  the  world ;  when  spiritual  life 
comes ;  or  when  some  signal  benefit  reaches 
a  family  from  God's  hands — why  should  there 
not  be  joyful  thanksgiving  ? 

We  have  our  annual  autumn  festival  when 
the  harvest  is  gathered  and  the  country  is  glad. 
Would  not  .a  family  thanksgiving,  when  bless- 
ings have  been  received,  with  a  religious  service, 
simple,  natural  and  true  to  the  facts  of  life,  be 
a  fitting  acknowledgment  ?  One  of  the  holiest 
ministers  I  ever  knew  had  experienced  some 
providential  goodness  in  his  family — perhaps 
the  recovery  of  a  sick  member.  A  friend  of  his, 
who  told  me  the  circumstance,  called  to  make  a 
friendly  visit.  The  thing  was  talked  of.  "  We 
shall  call  the  family,"  said  the  father ;  "  our 
friend  will  lead  us  in  worship."  It  was  mid- 
day ;  but,  as  my  friend  described  it,  children 
and  servants  came  quickly  and  quietly,  as  if  it 
were  no  rare  occurrence,  Bible  in  hand,  and 
the  family  lifted  up  together  its  glad  Ebenezer. 


THE  LIGHTS  AND  SHADOWS  OF  HOME-LIFE.     12] 

A  Christian  woman  lately  entered  into  her 
rest  after  a  long  period  of  painful  suffering. 
Hardly  ever  have  I  conducted  a  more  tender 
service  than  by  her  couch  a  few  months  ago. 
when  she  had  specially  gathered  together  the 
members  of  a  large  family,  that  unitedly  they 
might  seek  for  her  the  needed  grace  and  pa- 
tience. It  is  good  for  families  thus  to  call  on 
the  Lord's  name. 


When  I  compare  professor  with  professor,  what  a  differ- 
ence between  those  who  were  taught  early  and  those  that 
were  not  1  I  am  much  touched  at  reading  in  Socrates'  Ec- 
clesiastical History  the  old  story,  remembered  from  my  child- 
hood, of  Origen's  father,  who  used  to  uncover  the  bosom  of 
his  sleeping  boy,  and  kissing  it  say,  "  It  is  a  temple  of  the 
Holy  Ghost." — James  W.  Alexander,  D.D.,  Familiar  Letters, 
vol.  ii,  p.  25. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE    FAMILY    LIFE. 

One's  birth-place — T.  Carlyle — "Peaceable  habitations" — 
Mutual  fidelity — Spirit  of  marriage  vows — Head  but  not 
despot — Wife,  not  woman  of  fashion — Bishop  Johns  and 
Dr.  Charles  Hodge — Training  by  proxy — Duff's  boyhood — 
James  Hamilton's  father — "Honor" — Dutifulness — Prac- 
tical good  sense — Wisdom  that  is  devilish — Loyalty  to  the 
family — Confidence  inspired — Nettleton — Home-life  pois- 
oned— "Refractory  egotism" — Marthas  with  too  much  to 
do — "Heaven's  fallen  sister" — How  to  lift  her  up — The 
power  of  love — Confidence — Mother  and  friend. 

When  Froude  would  give  a  just  idea  of  the 
formative  influences  that  told  on  the  life  and 
work  of  Thomas  Carlyle,  he  presents  his  read- 
ers with  ample  information  regarding  the  quiet 
village  of  Ecclefechan,  in  which  he  was  brought 
up,  and  lets  us  see  the  modest  dwelling  in 
which  the  mother  watched  and  prayed,  and  foi 
the  welfare  of  whose  inmates  the  stonemason 
toiled  and  planned.  In  this  he  but  follows 
the  steps  of  multitudinous  biographers  who 
realize  the  connection  between  the  early  homes 

(123) 


124  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

and  the  lives  they  would  depict.  The  birth- 
place of  the  subject  of  a  memoir  has  more  than 
once  been  placed,  by  careful  art,  before  the  eye 
of  the  reader.  When  we  study  the  features  of 
character  of  such  men  as  Tennyson,  Longfellow, 
Emerson,  Darwin,  and  others  in  whose  mental 
and  moral  development  we  are  interested,  we 
cannot  but  inquire  where  and  how  were  they 
brought  up.  So  the  estimate  we  form  of  men 
and  of  their  ways  is  affected  in  no  slight  degree 
by  the  knowledge  we  have  of  their  homes.  We 
extenuate,  and  in  fact  excuse,  some  things  in 
those  who  are  without  the  helps  and  encourage- 
ments to  well-doing  which  a  home  provides; 
and  we  blame  others,  on  the  other  hand,  as  in- 
excusable, seeing  they  have  all  the  advantages 
of  a  tranquil  home.  When  the  evangelical 
prophet,  whose  inspired  language  so  reflects  the 
tone  of  his  communications,  would  represent 
to  us  the  solid  happiness  of  Messiah's  subjects 
— a  true  Israel  over  all  the  earth,  even  when 
desolateness  covers  Palestine — he  gives  this  as 
one  of  the  features.*  "  My  people  shall  dwell 
in  a  peaceable  habitation,  and  in  sure  dwellings, 

*  Isaiah  32  :  18. 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE   FAMILY   LIFE.         125 

and  in  quiet  resting  places."    Praise  God,  with 
glad  hearts,  all  ye  who  have  happy  homes  ! 

There  are  certain  moral  elements  essential 
to  the  maintenance  of  a  true  home,  and  which 
are  to  be  sought,  cultivated  and  conserved. 
The  presence  of  these  gracious  forces  will 
secure  happiness  in  the  lowliest,  and  the  lack 
of  them  will  destroy  it  in  the  most  luxurious, 
dwelling.  Foremost  among  these  we  place 
mutual  fidelity.  A  long  way  on  this  side  of 
lollies  and  crimes  on  the  part  of  husbands  and 
wives — crimes  of  which  law-courts  take  notice, 
and  of  which  society  talks — there  may  be  fail- 
ure to  keep  the  spirit  of  marriage  vows.  The 
power  of  a  "  head  "  over  the  wife  may  be  used 
in  a  despotic  and  arbitrary,  or  in  a  cold  and 
inconsiderate,  way.  The  delicate  regard  that 
is  due  to  the  feelings  of  the  other  may  be 
wanting  on  either  side.  The  aid  of  sympathy, 
counsel  and  co-operation  may  be  withheld. 
One  may  practically  say  to  the  other,  "  That  is 
your  duty,  not  mine ;  do  it,  or  take  the  conse- 
quences." So  life  may  become  hard,  mechan- 
ical and  insipid,  and  a  spot  that  ought  to  be 
a  foreshadow  of  heaven  may  become  a  heart- 


126  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

less  business  resort,  without  the  restraints  of 
enforced  mutual  civility. 

Let  the  husband  go  back  in  thought  to  the 
marriage  vows,  and  to  the  interpretation  that 
glowing  affection  gave  them  on  the  wedding-day. 
Have  they  been  kept?  Has  that  high  ideal 
been  realized  that  was  then  a  joy  in  the  pros- 
pect of  it  ?  Have  you  shielded  from  all  needless 
pain  and  trouble  the  wife  of  your  choice  ?  Have 
you  considered  her  nature  as  a  woman,  and 
tried  to  help,  strengthen  and  elevate  her  ?  Have 
you  studied  her  happiness  and  aimed  at  her 
advancement,  in  the  unselfish,  tender  spirit  of 
the  parents  from  whom  you  received  her? 
Have  you  thought  of  her  as  the  sharer  of  a 
joint  happiness,  or  only  as  a  possession  for  the 
furtherance  of  your  well-being?  Has  the  con- 
siderate deference  of  earlier  years  been  retained, 
or  has  it  given  place  to  a  hard,  cold  and  au- 
thoritative bearing  ?  *   So,  too,  a  wife  may  well 

*  In  the  following  quotations  a  plea  is  made  for  woman, 
and  a  charge  is  brought  against  a  man,  in  both  of  which  there 
is  truth  enough  to  merit  reproduction  : 

"  I  know  that,  women  are  too  frivolously  brought  up  in 
France ;  that  their  education  is  superficial  and  exclusively 
worldly  ;  that  it  but  ill  prepares  them  for  the  serious  duties 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE   FAMILY  LIFE.         127 

examine  herself.  You  remember  the  trustful 
gladness  with  which  you  accepted  the  duties  of 

of  wifehood  :  all  this  I  grant  you  ;  but  despite  all  this,  I  dare 
to  affirm,  as  a  general  principle,  that  there  is  not  one  of  them 
who  is  not  morally  superior  to  the  man  she  marries,  and  far 
more  capable  than  he  of  all  the  domestic  virtues ;  and  I  will 
tell  you  why  :  it  is  because  all  women  have,  in  a  higher  de- 
gree than  you  think,  the  main  virtue  of  marriage,  which  is 
the  spirit  of  sacrifice ;  but  it  is  difficult  for  them  to  renounce 
all  when  their  husbands  renounce  nothing ;  and  that  is  never- 
theless what  they  are  asked  to  do. 

"  You  have,  perhaps,  fancied  yourself,  sir,  a  model  husband, 
and  in  many  respects  you  have  been  one ;  I  give  you  that 
praise  ;  but  you  have,  notwithstanding,  a  point  of  resemblance 
to  the  mass  of  husbands,  which  is,  that  you  make  yourself 
a  very  clear  idea  of  the  duties  which  marriage  imposes  upon 
the  woman,  and  a  very  vague  one  of  those  which  it  demands 
of  the  man.  Marriage  is  not  a  monologue  ;  it  is  a  piece  for 
two  persons.  Now,  you  have  studied  only  one  character, 
and  it  was  not  your  own.  You  are  too  sincere,  sir,  not  to 
admit  that  your  personal  conception  of  marriage  was  simply 
this :  to  add  to  the  habitual  comforts  of  your  life  an  agree- 
able accessory  in  the  person  of  a  good  and  pleasing  woman, 
who  should  ornament  your  house,  who  should  perpetuate 
your  name,  and  who,  in  short,  should  bring  you,  without 
troubling  you  too  much,  a  supplement  of  comfort  and  re- 
spectability. You  have  busied  yourself  greatly,  like  all  of 
your  sex,  in  endeavoring  to  find  that  marvellous  woman  who 
would  make  every  sacrifice  and  exact  none.  You  have  not 
found  her,  and  no  one  will  find  her,  because  that  rare  bird 
of  which  you  all  dream — the  domestic  woman — necessitates 
the  existence  of  a  bird  still  rarer — the  domestic  man." 


128  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

your  place.  Have  you  "  submitted  "  yourself 
in  this  spirit,  or  has  your  husband  had  to  say, 
"  It  is  against  my  judgment,  but  I  must  do  it 
or  there  will  be  no  peace  at  home  "?  Have  you 
been  intent  on  managing,  controlling,  using 
your  husband,  or  have  you  been  faithfully 
helping  him  ?  "  Forsaking  all  other,"  not  seek- 
ing, not  appreciating,  not  responding  even  by 
look  or  tone  to  their  admiration,  have  you  lost 
yourself  in  that  joint  life  on  which  you  entered 
when  the  pastor  said,  "What  therefore  God  hath 
joined  together,  let  not  man  put  asunder  "?  Has 
"  society,"  fashion  or  show  engaged  time, 
thought  and  effort  that  should  have  gone 
wholly  to  the  joy,  comfort  and  usefulness  of 
your  husband  ?  Reflect,  husbands  and  wives  : 
have  you  sought  to  advance  the  highest  life  of 
each  other  ?  Have  you  done  all  you  ought  to 
have  done  as  in  God's  sight  each  to  make  the 
other  purer,  better,  more  spiritual,  more  Christ- 
like ?  The  late  Bishop  Johns  wrote  to  his 
life-long  friend,  Dr.  Charles  Hodge,  "  To  have 
a  daughter  wed  to  a  faithful  minister  of  the 
gospel,  who  will  be  her  guide  to  heaven,  as 
well  as  her  affectionate  companion  by  the  way, 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE  FAMILY  LIFE.         129 

is  a  privilege  with  which  the  heart  of  a  Chris- 
tian parent  may  well  be  contented."  And  when 
Dr.  Hodge  was  left  to  mourn  the  loss  of  the 
mother  of  his  children,  this  was  the  record  he 
placed  on  her  tomb,  "An  humble  worshipper  of 
Christ.  She  lived  in  love  and  died  in  faith. 
Truthful  woman,  delightful  companion,  ardent 
friend,  devoted  wife,  self-sacrificing  mother,  we 
lay  you  gently  here,  our  best  beloved,  to  gather 
strength  and  beauty  for  the  coming  of  the 
Lord."*  The  highest  thinking  and  the  soundest 
theology  do  not  kill,  but  elevate  and  purify, 
human  sensibilities. 

But  there  is  a  fidelity  to  children  on  the  part 
of  parents,  at  a  later  time,  and  of  children  to 
their  parents,  without  which  the  home  is  other 
than  it  should  be.  What  is  it  to  train  up  a  child 
in  the  way  he  should  go  ?  Can  it  commonly  be 
done  by  relegating  the  whole  work  to  strangers, 
from  the  nursery  to  the  time  of  graduation  ? 
Surely  not.  It  is  the  penalty  that  the  rich 
pay  for  their  wealth  that  supposed  social  and 
other  demands  upon  their  time  separate  them, 

*Life  of  Charles  Hodge,  D.D.,  LL.D.,  liy  his  son,  A.  A. 
Hodge,  pp.  368,  370. 


130  A    CHRIST  I  AX  HOME. 

as  truly  as  poverty  does  the  poor,  from  their 
children,  and  seem  to  justify  the  delegation  of 
most  paren.  and  in  how 

many  instances  with  the  worst  results  !  Deep 
tenO  onventional  re- 

gard. .  .ther  becomes  "  governor,"  and  the 

mother  is  but  little  recognized  as  guide  and 
counsellor.  The  supposed  higher  training  and 
often  '"broader  thinking''  of  the  school  or  col- 
lege, which  the  wealth  of  the  parents — ahead 
perhaps  of  their  own  education — has  provided, 

-o  often  put  the  parents'  opinion  on  a  * 
low  level  indeed.     "  Sense  of  inherent 

right,  propriety,  in  this  or  that,  and — often 
enough — religious  observances,  as  urged  by  the 
parents,  are  set  down  to  their  early  narrow 
circumstances  and  their  strict  up-1:  and 

superciliously  set  aside.    Groups  of  friends  are 
cultivated  of   whom  the  parents   know  li 
But  this  ought  not  to  be,  and  won  be  if 

parents  appreciated  their  relations  and  obliga- 
tion-  en  to  loftier  heig 

than  Alexander  Duff's,  and  few  names  to 
higher  fame  than  his.  Here  is  his  testimony 
to  the  Scottish  farmer — his  father :  "If  ever 


DEVELOPMENT   OF   THE  FAMILY   LIFE.         131 

son  had  reason  to  thank  God  for  the  prayers, 
the  instructions,  the  counsels  and  the  consistent 
example  of  a  devoutly  pious  father,  I  am  that 
son."*  "  The  fear  of  offending  a  man  who  in- 
spired me  in  earliest  boyhood  "with  sentiments 
of  profoundest  reverence  and  love  toward  him- 
self, as  a  man  of  God,  was  for  many  years  the 
overmastering  principle  which  restrained  my 
erring  footsteps  and  saved  me  from  many  of 
the  overt  follies  and  sins  of  youth."  Here  are 
the  vows  recorded  by  the  father  of  the  late  Dr. 
James  Hamilton  of  London,  who  lived  as  he 
wrote — a  "  Life  in  Earnest " — on  the  day  of  his 
child's  birth :  "  to  devote  the  remainder  of  my 
life  to  his  service  and  glory ;  to  promote  the 
temporal  comforts  and  spiritual  improvement 
of  my  wife  ;  to  guard  against  levity  and  folly; 
to  suppress  peevishness  and  irritability;  to 
cultivate  a  meek  and  quiet  spirit.  0  Lord,  I 
am  thine;  thy  vows  are  upon  me."f  The 
genial  and  gifted  son  grew  up  under  the  inspi- 
ration and  influence  of  such  a  father  and  of  a 
mother  like  minded. 

*The  Life  of  Alexander  Duff,  D.D.,  LL.D.,  p.  607. 
t  Life  of  James  Hamilton,  D.D.,  p.  10. 


132  WUSTLLB  HOME. 

R  adolph    had  his   peculiarities    as 
man  and  as  a  power  in  his  state.    Perhaps  " 
were  due  in  braining  h  Lad  in 

/.lite  op}  One,  and  that 

bad  as  it  was  powerful,  v.  ';isni 

and  French  infidelity ;  the  other  was  from  his 
her ;  and  the  latter,  there  is  good  reason  to 
hope,  triumphed   in  his   li:  in  the  end. 

••When   I  can  just  remember."  he    says,   "I 

':h  my  widowed  mother. 
h  night  before  she  put  me  to  bed.  I  repeated 
on  my  knees  before  her  th  and 

sties9  Creed ;  each  morning,  kneeling 
in  the  bed.  I  put  up  my  little  hands  in  prayer 
the  same  form.  These  lessons.  I  am  now 
conscious,  are  of  more  value  to  me  than  all  I 
have  ever  learned  from  my  preceptors  and  com- 
peers." Oh.  fathers  and  mothers  !  hful 
:>ur  children  in  effort,  example  and  prayer. 
The  first           led  pray 

a  father  for  his  son:  "O  bmael  might 

before  .17:1- 

A  certain  practical  g<  I  to 

secure  the  blessings  of  horn  ;?  of  do 

spicnona  by  its  presence   01  uce,  ac- 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE  FAMILY  LIFE.         133 

cording  to  the  prominence  of  those  who  possess 
or  lack  it.  A  prudent  father  influences  the 
outward  family  arrangements;  an  imprudent  one 
deranges  many  things.  A  mother  of  the  kind 
described  in  Prov.  xxxi.  is  felt  in  all  the  house 
and  in  the  life  of  each  of  the  family ;  while  a 
weak,  vain  and  unreflecting  wife  produces  con- 
stant embarrassment.  A  "  careless  daughter  " 
or  a  "  foolish  son "  can  be  an  irritating,  morti- 
fying, weakening  element  in  a  family,  which  is 
strengthened  on  the  other  hand  by  the  trust- 
worthy wisdom  even  of  a  child. 

Such  good  sense  is  a  check  on  extravagance 
and  improvidence.  It  is  not  content  with  idle- 
ness. It  anticipates  and  prepares  for  the  future. 
It  appreciates  the  fitness  of  things.  It  knows 
the  value  of  a  good  name  and  the  influence  of 
associations.  It  keeps  aloof  from  compromising 
alliances.  It  discriminates  among  relaxations, 
amusements  and  pleasures.  It  develops  strength 
by  self-denial  in  fitting  circumstances.  It  is 
the  safety,  under  God,  of  a  Garfield  in  the 
struggles  of  early  youth ;  it  is  no  mean  feature 
in  the  life  of  Washington,  in  public  and  in 
private  life,  on  his  firm,  or  on  the  field  in  the 


134  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

war  for  a  nation's  independence.  It  may  be 
said,  indeed,  that  such  wisdom  is  a  gift,  and  the 
want  of  it  a  misfortune.  There  are  minds,  un- 
happily, without  balance,  and  natures  without 
the  power  of  clear  perception.  But  the  suf- 
ferers from  natural  defects  are  few  in  compar- 
ison with  the  crowds  who  yield  themselves 
early  to  a  kind  of  wisdom  which  infallible  au- 
thority describes  as  "  earthly,  sensual,  devilish." 
There  is  a  wisdom  that  comes  "  from  above," 
which  is  pure,  "  peaceable,  gentle,  and  easy 
to  be  entreated,  full  of  mercy  and  good  fruits, 
without  partiality,  and  without  hypocrisy."  It 
is  not  learnt  in  school  or  college,  though  it  can 
be  cultivated  in  both.  It  is  secured  in  another 
way  :  "  If  any  of  you  lack  wisdom,  let  him  ask 
of  God."*  The  possession  of  this  is  the  guaran- 
tee for  stability  and  for  sincerity.  It  keeps 
parents  from  provoking  children  to  wrath,  and 
children  from  ignoring  their  parents.  It  in- 
spires confidence  in  those  who  notice  us  from 
without,  and  it  preserves  the  right  relations 
with  those  who  share  our  lives.  It  keeps  the 
family  in  its  proper  place  in  the  mind  of  each 

*  James  1  :  5. 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE  FAMILY  LIFE.         135 

member,  so  that  it  is  not  overborne  by  "society," 
pleasure  or  acquaintances.  Few  men  have  done 
more  for  God's  glory  than  Nettleton.  Born  in 
humble  life,  with  a  hard  struggle  to  get  an 
education,  and  in  his  peculiar  Christian  work 
eminently  requiring  that  discretion  for  the 
lack  of  which  so  many  evangelists  have  failed 
in  the  end,  he  was  from  his  youth  marked  by 
good  sense.  His  room-mate  at  college  records 
the  association  as  a  blessing.  "  Ever  kind, 
courteous,  conscientious  and  exemplary,  unas- 
suming and  unostentatious,  his  words  and 
actions  bore  the  most  powerful  testimony  to 
my  conscience  to  the  genuineness  of  his  re- 
ligious principles." 

The  joy  of  home  is  always  endangered  by 
selfishness,  and  promoted  by  the  opposite  vir- 
tue. Let  there  be  constant  dwelling  by  the 
individual  on  his  or  her  rights  and  claims,  and 
a  morbid  brooding  on  supposed  wrongs,  and  the 
seeds  of  misery  are  being  sown.  Questions  of 
precedency,  of  degrees  of  attention  and  con- 
sideration, of  proportion  of  means  and  of  ex- 
penses, will  be  raised,  and  with  their  discussion 
will  come,  all    too    often,  coolness,  suspicion, 


136  ^    CHRISTIAN  IIO ML. 

hard  language,  and  alienation  of  heart.    Jealousy 
makes  mountains  out  of  molehills  ;  it  is 

'•  Agony  unmixed,  incessant  gall. 
Corroding  every  thought,  and  blasting  all 
Love's  parad: 

The  suspicious  nature  creates  evidences  for  its 
own  theories.  The  perverted  spirit  sends  a  kind 
of  blood-poison  through  the  whole  nature.  Noth- 
ing is  right  to  such  an  one  who  has  a  home  griev- 
ance, and  death  itself  does  not  always  remove 
the  occasion  of  bitterness.  To  have  the  home 
happy  its  inmates  must  each  esteem  other  better 
than  himself;  must  give  credit  for  honesty  of 
motive  and  aim  to  others,  and  must  think  more 
of  doing  the  duties  than  standing  up  for  the 
rights  of  life.  There  is  a  ''refractory  egotism'" 
which — alike  in  the  community,  the  church, 
the  congregation  and  the  committee — breeds 
trouble.  Of  course  the  narrower  and  the 
more  secluded  the  circle,  the  more  the  disturb- 
ing force  is  felt.  Fair  appearances  can  be 
maintained  before  the  world  when  the  life  in 
the  family  circle  is  one  of  suspicion,  irritating 
recrimination  and  intolerable  misery.  In  the 
divine  word,  the  families  of  Isaac,  of  Jacob,  of 


DEVELOPMENT   OF   THE  FAMILY  LIFE.         137 

David,  illustrate  the  point.  Even  the  meek 
Moses  does  not  escape  the  vexation.  In  the 
Christ-honored  home  of  Bethany  the  beginning 
of  the  evil  crops  out  in  Martha's  sense  of  "  too 
much  to  do,"  and  the  Master's  seeming  favor 
to  Mary.  So  many  a  sister,  many  a  brother, 
has  been  harassed  with  grievances  mostly  im- 
aginary or  accidental.  Let  us  avoid  all  these 
things.  Love  is  of  God.  In  the  church  we 
are  by  grace,  in  the  family  we  are  by  nature, 
"members  one  of  another."  Let  mutual  un- 
selfish love  be  as  the  carpet  deadening  the 
sound  of  every  step,  as  the  lamp  silently 
giving  its  light  and  diffusing  cheerfulness, 
as  the  curtain  shutting  out  sun  and  wind 
in  their  season,  as  the  pillow  on  which  the 
weary  head  rests  and  is  at  peace.  Home 
has  been  called  "  heaven's  fallen  sister."  Let 
us  lift  it  up  by  fitting  it  with  the  love  which 
goes  so  far  to  make  heaven.  Let  us  banish 
the  embittered  selfishness,  which  is  to  the  life 
as  rust  to  metal,  as  the  moth  to  the  garment, 
as  the  malaria  to  the  body,  as  "  rottenness  to 
the  bones."  Love  will  disarm  the  imitators  of 
Cain,  and  give  to  the  life  of  each  of  us  some- 


138  A    CHMSTIAX  HOME. 

thing  of  the  charm  one  sees  in  Jonathan,  in 
John  the  Baptist,  in  Peter  (2  Pet.  3  :  15)  ere 
he  died,  in  the  angels  'who  "  minister  for  them 
who  shall  he  heirs  of  salvation." 

Mutual  confidences  will  be  a  fruit  of  mutual 
love.  It  is  wise  for  parents  to  take  their  chil- 
dren, as  their  intelligence  develops,  into  their 
counsels,  and  to  encourage  the  like  course  on 
the  part  of  the  children  to  them  and  to  one 
another.  How  often  the  girl  has  a  confidante 
who  knows  much  more  of  her  real  life  than 
does  the  mother  that  bore  her  !  But  the  girl- 
companion  has  only  a  girl's  knowledge,  while 
possibly  there  are  matters  to  be  considered  and 
decided  of  which  a  mother's  experience  and 
greater  knowledge  of  life  would  make  her  a 
better  judge  than  the  dearest  bosom  friend  of 
her  own  years.  In  how  many  instances  are 
persons  compelled  in  later  years  to  own  to 
themselves  and  to  others,  "  If  I  had  consulted 
my  father — my  mother — before  taking  the  step 
it  would  have  saved  me  from  many  a  pang." 
This  confession  is  made  regarding  investments 
of  time,  of  effort,  of  affection,  even  of  money. 
To  avoid  such  calamities  it  is  for  the  parent 


DEVELOPMENT   OF    THE  FAMILY  LIFE.         139 

to  draw  out  and  invite  the  confidence  of  chil- 
dren. 

"  We  have  careful  thought  for  the  stranger, 

And  smiles  for  the  sometime  guest, 
But  oft  for  our  own  the  bitter  tone, 

Though  we  love  our  own  the  best. 
Ah,  lip  with  the  curve  impatient, 

Ah,  brow  with  the  shade  of  scorn, 
'Twere  a  cruel  fate  were  the  night  too  late 

To  undo  the  work  of  morn." 


It  is  through  our  parents  and  teachers  that  we  are  first 
brought  to  the  knowledge  of  Christ.  Moreover,  we  do  not 
hang  singly,  but  in  clusters.  Thus  every  family  should  be 
a  cluster  of  grapes,  hanging  and  drawing  its  life  from  the 
heavenly  vine.  Every  parish  should  be  a  cluster  of  clusters 
— a  cluster  like  that  which  the  spies  brought  back  out  of  the 
land  of  Canaan. — Hare. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

HOME    GOVERNMENT    AND    TRAINING. 

"  Father  Abraham ' " — First  "  household  " — A  single  dwelling 
— Building  up  a  family — "What  is  Abraham  to  us?" — 
Communities  live — Scattered  coals — The  patriarch  taught 
— So  are  we — Sodom's  influence — Parents,  not  deputies — 
Early  impressions  —  John  H.  Newman  —  "Parisian" — 
Unpaid  assistants  not  principals — Penalties  of  neglected 
duty — Parental  austerity — Precocious  individualism — Its 
genesis — Hotel  life — Imported  amusements — The  bridge 
over  to  ruin — B-ich  and  wretched — Objections — Latent 
forces — Unequal  resistance — Nothing  to  me — Need  for 
forewarning — The  "  fortunate'" — "  One  more  unfortunate" 
— Appeal. 

The  very  first  use  of  the  word  "household" 
in  our  English  Bible  is  in  connection  with  the 
"  father  of  the  faithful."  «  I  know  him,"  said 
the  Lord,  concerning  Abraham,  "  that  he  will 
command  his  children  and  his  household  after 
him,  and  they  shall  keep  the  wny  of  the  Lord" 
(Gen.  18  :  19).  "  Household"  corresponds  sub- 
stantially with  our  word  "  family,"  and  in- 
cludes servants,  of  whom  Abraham  hnd  many, 
for  we  read  of  three  hundred  and   eighteen 

(141) 


142  -4    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

men  born  in  his  house.  We  say  "  substantially," 
for  in  the  condition  of  society  in  which  the 
patriarch  lived  he  was  as  absolute  in  authority 
over  the  slaves  and  their  children,  and  as  truly 
responsible  for  them,  as  the  ordinary  parent 
is  for  his  sons  and  daughters.  If  to  command 
so  many  where  the  difficulties  must  have  been 
so  great  was  a  laudable  virtue,  winning  even 
divine  commendation,  much  more  may  such 
virtue  be  looked  for  in  the  Christian  heads  of 
a  household,  where  only  the  inmates  of  a  single 
dwelling  are  included. 

It  will  be  readily  conceded  that  this  is  as 
high  a  testimonial  as  could  well  be  given  to 
any  man.  It  is  from  the  Lord,  who  never 
utters  empty  compliments,  who  knows  men's 
hearts  and  ways,  and  who  judges  justly.  That 
must  be  a  quality  of  a  high  order  which  the 
divine  Judge  singles  out  with  such  marked 
approbation.  For  the  Lord  connects  this 
fidelity  to  his  trust  with  the  greatness  in  re- 
serve for  Abraham.  "  Shall  I  hide  from 
Abraham  that  thing  which  I  do;  seeing 
that  Abraham  shall  surely  become  a  great  and 
mighty  nation,  and  all  the  nations  of  the  earth 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  143 

shall  be  blessed  in  him  ?  For  I  know  him," 
etc.  How  many  families  have  come  to  nothing 
— literally  become  extinct — because  they  had 
nothing  of  that  careful  and  authoritative  train- 
ing Abraham  aimed  at  giving.  Talk  of  found- 
ing a  family!  He  who  would  do  it  must  try 
to  train  its  members  to  "keep  the  way  of  the 
Lord."  It  may  be  readily  said,  indeed,  that 
Abraham  is  little  or  nothing  to  us.  An  ancient 
sheikh,  at  the  head  of  a  nomadic  tribe  nearly 
four  thousand  years  ago,  what  can  there  be  in 
common  between  him  and  us  to  make  him  for 
us  an  exemplar  ?  We,  it  may  be  added,  are  of 
the  Christian  race  and  dispensation,  and  more- 
over enjoy  the  advanced  culture  of  this  pro- 
gressive nineteenth  century.  In  point  of  fact 
some  do  blunt  the  edge  of  many  a  rebuke  and 
miss  the  help  of  many  a  good  example  under 
the  influence  of  just  such  views.  They  are, 
however,  founded  on  a  mistake — a  part  of  that 
wider  error  that  belittles  the  Old  Testament 
as  antiquated  and  obsolete.  If  we  read  aright 
the  argument  of  Paul  (Rom.  4:11, 12, 13, 16), 
we  are  the  descendants,  religiously  and  spirit- 
ually, of  Abraham  as  truly  as  are  Lutherans 


■"  HOME. 

of  Loth  iers  of  the  pilgrim 

The  union  is  not  so  close   between 
nemann  and  the  homoeop: 
the  _ington 

'. 
He  rejoiced  to  ved 

'  :td.     He  rece 
1  the  r:  was 

f  them,  while  still  uncircumc: 

not  be  shot  ont  fr 
:h  him,  or  the  hope  of  a  lil 
ion.     And   our   air.  —         aim    of 

a  and   of  n   church — 

onght  to  be  not  only  to  induce  individual 
believe  and  obtain  life,  but  to  found  soc: 
of  I  -II  be  true  and  faithful  and 

infl.  -n  families,  in  companies,  in  c 

of  life,  in  trad  -  >cial  and  in 

political  affairs.  Communities  live  and  per- 
petuate th  .en  the  inc.  ies; 
and  few  be:                           for  doing  the  d 

I. .. 
out  of  the  fire  and  leave  i 
soon  a  black  and  half-*  .  ler.     Keep  the 

coals  raked  togeth  jr  have  pow 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  145 

inflame  such  fuel  as  is  added  to  them.  No 
language  too  strong,  therefore,  can  be  employed 
on  the  importance  of  household  government 
and  religion. 

We  repeat,  then,  that  to  all  parents  in  their 
place  the  principles  of  those  words  apply,  as 
they  did  to  Abraham.  He  had  authority  : 
"  he  will  command."  So  have  they.  He  was 
to  use  it  for  religious  ends  :  "  and  they  shall 
keep  the  way  of  the  Lord."  So  are  they. 
The  result  would  not  be  merely  intellectual 
or  sentimental,  but  practical — "  to  do  justice 
and  judgment."  So  it  is  to  be  with  parents 
to-day.  And  this  fidelity  on  the  patriarch's 
part  was  to  constitute  a  link  in  the  chain  of 
God's  favorable  providences,  leading  to  the 
greatness  and  the  blessedness  of  Abraham  and 
his  offspring.  The  same  is  emphatically  true 
in  the  case  of  all  parents  who  train  up  their 
children  in  the  way  which  the  eternal  Father 
enjoins. 

In  bringing  this  suggestive  word  to  parents 
there  arc  other  circumstances  to  which  their 
attention  may  be  properly  invited.     The  occa- 
sion of  the  utterance  of  the  word,  for  example, 
10 


146  ■*    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

namely,  the  coming  ruin  of  Sodom,  is  adapted 
to  awaken  thought.  The  righteous  Jehovah 
is  telling  Abraham  what  is  to  be  done  to  Sodom. 
He  is  to  learn  the  blessings  of  grace.  To  do 
this  aright,  he  must  know  the  severity  of 
judgment.  God  is  without  variableness.  The 
ages  change.  He  does  not.  He  has  always 
had  a  left  hand  and  a  right  hand.  Sodom  and 
Abraham's  household  stand  over  against  one 
another.  In  the  case  of  the  one  we  have  for- 
bearance, patience,  warning,  testing,  punishing 
— the  steps  then,  as  now,  of  God's  righteous 
providence.  Abraham  is  to  know  all  this. 
No  man  understands  redemption  until  he  under- 
stands sin.  Grace  is  only  known  when  we 
know  guilt.  Hence  men  to  whom  sin  is  a  light 
thing  think  lightly  of  the  atonement.  It  is 
heroic,  exemplary,  inspiring,  winning,  in  their 
estimate.  In  the  Bible  it  is  all  this,  but  it  is 
more :  it  is  satisfying  law,  and  he  who  does 
that  endures  the  wrath  and  curse  of  God  (Gal. 
3  :  13).  Hence  deniers  of  the  true  and  proper 
atonement  are  commonly  Universalists  or 
Restorationists  in  the  second  generation,  in 
some    vague  form  or  other  contriving  to  dis- 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  147 

pose  of  the  effects  of  divine  wrath  so  that  the 
wages  of  sin  shall  not  be  death. 

One  other  point  is  worthy  of  our  attention 
in  this  matter.  It  might  appear  to  a  hasty- 
reader  that  Abraham's  fidelity  was  the  ground 
of  God's  choice  of  him.  But  the  "  I  know"  of 
Genesis  has  all  the  force  of  the  "chosen"  of 
Paul  (Eph.  1:4).  Hence  we  have  in  the 
latter  writer  (Rom.  8  :  29),  "whom  he  did 
foreknow,"  i.  e.,  know  and  love,  as  it  is  said, 
"  the  Lord  knoweth  the  way  of  the  righteous  " 
(Ps.  1:6).  So  the  God  of  Israel  says  to  the 
Hebrew  people  (Amos  3:2),  "  You  only  have 
I  known  of  all  the  families  of  the  earth."  Can 
that  mean  the  mere  apprehension  of  omnis- 
cience? Can  it  mean  anything  else  than,  "You 
only  have  I  chosen,  taken,  blessed,  brought 
from  idolatry  beyond  the  flood"? 

Does  any  parent,  eager  to  escape  obligation, 
say,  "  This  takes  the  pressure  from  me  ;  I  am 
not  bound.  God  may  not  know  me  in  this 
sense.  He  has  not  put  me  under  these  re- 
sponsibilities"? Nay,  you  cannot  truly  reason 
thus.  God  has  done  for  you  as  for  Abraham. 
He  has  put  you  in  a  Christian  land,  in  his 


148  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

church  perhaps ;  he  has  given  you  knowledge, 
privilege,  covenant  advantages,  not  desired  by 
you,  not  deserved  by  you,  but  enjoyed  for  no 
other  reason  than  that  it  has  pleased  him  that 
you  should  enjoy  them.  You  are  blessed  as 
was  Abraham,  and  your  obligation  is  like 
his. 

At  the  risk  of  seeming  to  linger  unduly  on 
this  divine  word,  we  invite  the  attention  of 
parents  to  another  instructive  aspect  of  these 
facts.  How  early  in  human  history  did  family 
relations,  instructions  and  discipline  come  into 
operation  in  God's  kingdom  !  Family  religion 
he  employs  to  maintain  his  church,  and  many 
a  time  when  the  organic  body,  as  such,  is  cold 
and  dead,  spiritual  life  has  been  perpetuated 
by  a  true  family  religion.  This  point  is  empha- 
sized in  the  antithesis  between  Abraham  and 
Sodom.  Over  against  the  doomed  city,  where 
even  Lot's  children  laugh  to  scorn  his  warnings, 
where  family  government  is  ignored  and  evil 
passions  have  free  play,  where,  in  consequence, 
divine  fires  are  being  prepared  for  its  destruc- 
tion, the  opposite  line  is  emphasized,  "  I  know 
him,  that  he  will  command  his  children  and  his 


HOME    GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  149 

household  after  him,  and  they  shall  keep  the 
way  of  the  Lord.'1 

On  parents  then,  and  in  some  respects  em- 
phatically on  fathers,  the  Creator  has  placed 
responsibility  for  the  government  and  training 
of  the  household.  Servants  indeed  do  not 
now  stand  to  their  masters  as  in  patriarchal 
days ;  but,  as  we  shall  see,  they  are  not  to  be 
overlooked  by  conscientious  heads  of  families. 
The  day-school  teachers  are  parents'  assistants 
in  the  work  of  teaching,  but  they  never  can 
be  their  substitutes ;  and  no  little  care  should 
be  taken  by  parents  not  only  in  selecting 
teachers,  but  in  watching  the  growth  and  de- 
velopment of  character  of  the  young  who  spend 
so  much  of  their  time  beyond  the  reach  of 
their  observation  and  influence.  On  this  point 
of  selecting  schools  and  watching  the  results, 
even  where  the  testimony  is  the  most  assuring, 
it  is  fitting  to  give  words  of  caution.  Even 
the  most  effective  teachers  can  only  know  in 
part  the  life  of  their  pupils.  Responsibility  is 
often,  too  often,  divided  up,  in  great  educational 
establishments.  Boys  and  girls  are  now  found 
in  as  great  numbers  in  schools  as  more  advanced 


150  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

students  in  colleges,  and  the  larger  the  number 
the  greater  the  chance  of  injurious  companion- 
ship. A  certain  proportion  suffer  even  in  the 
most  carefully-ordered  institutions.  Especially 
is  there  need  of  care  that  early  lessons  of 
reverence  and  rectitude  be  not  supplanted. 
How  readily  the  human  heart,  naturally  in- 
clined to  the  wrong,  receives  impressions  in 
early  years,  it  is  not  needful  to  prove,  hardly 
to  illustrate.  One  conspicuous  case  may  be 
noted,  where  the  facts  do  not  rest  on  hearsay. 
One  of  Rome's  most  notable  gains  from  the 
English  church  has  been  J.  H.  Newman.  His 
Apologia  pro  vita  sua  is  meant  to  give  the  idea 
that  abstract  overwhelming  conviction,  without 
any  biasing  influence,  determined  his  action. 
The  writer  declares  of  himself  that  he  was 
without  religious  convictions  till  he  was  fifteen, 
and  disavows  emphatically  anything  by  which 
his  mind  could  have  been  unconsciously  in- 
fluenced. But  he  incidentally  mentions  that 
he  used  to  "  cross  himself"  in  the  dark — why 
or  how  he  learned  it  he  does  not  know ;  that 
his  French  master  was  a  Roman  Catholic  priest; 
that  he  found  in  his  earliest  verse-book  a  draw- 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  151 

ing  by  himself  of  a  cross  when  he  was  not  ten 
years  old ;  that  he  remembered  his  father 
taking  him  to  a  Roman  Catholic  church,  where 
he  wanted  to  hear  a  piece  of  music.  Other 
circumstances  are  mentioned,  but  with  a  con- 
stant disclaimer  of  their  having  had  any  influ- 
ence, or  their  offering  any  explanation  of  his 
passing  over,  after  many  years  in  the  Protest- 
ant ministry,  to  the  Church  of  Rome.  Any 
one  who  has  studied  human  character  knows  in 
how  many  instances  a  bent  is  early  given  to 
the  young  mind,  to  which  it,  after  many  years 
perhaps,  yields.  This  is,  indeed,  one  element 
in  the  hope  of  every  parent  when  trying  to  in- 
fluence the  young,  that  early  impressions  will 
some  day  be  felt  afresh,  even  though  for  the  time 
obliterated.  Why  should  the  principle  work  in 
the  direction  of  good  and  not  also  of  evil  ? 

After  the  Revolution,  lady  refugees  from 
France  opened  schools  in  Great  Britain,  and 
found  sympathy  and  support.  "Manner"  and 
superficial  accomplishments  were  their  specialty. 
The  "  Parisian "  in  education  was  studied  and 
affected  as  in  dress  at  a  later  time.  Any  one 
who  has  watched  English  society  knows  that 


152  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

in  a  certain  proportion  of  cases  indifference  to 
Protestantism,  or  positive  Romanism,  has  been 
the  result.  The  same  thing  is  true  in  another 
form  in  parts  of  the  United  States.  The  time 
was  when  no  safety  could  be  hoped  for  Cali- 
fornia girls  but  in  nunnery  schools ;  and  brief 
as  was  the  period,  it  had  its  effects.  We  give 
these  as  examples,  because  the  influences  are 
so  well  defined  in  their  results.  But  the  same 
forces  are  just  as  effective  on  other  lines,  and 
the  boy  may  acquire  the  idea  that  to  be  a 
"  man  upon  town"  is  the  road  to  happiness,  and 
the  girl  may  go  out  into  life  with  the  convic- 
tion— not  formulated,  perhaps,  but  none  the 
less  solid — that  the  graces  that  make  success 
and  happiness  are  quite  other  than  those  of  her 
catechism,  or  even  her  mother's  character. 
"  How  hardly  shall  they  that  have  riches  enter 
into  the  kingdom"  was  a  true  and  unpreju- 
diced reflection  in  our  Lord's  time.  Has  it 
become  obsolete  ?  * 

*  Martensen  (Ethics,  vol.  2,  p.  6),  looking  at  modern  life 
from  the  comparative  remoteness  of  a  Danish  island,  speaks 
as  truly  to  us  as  if  he  lived  in  London,  Paris  or  New  York: 
"Now  the  church  brings  us  the  gospel,  which  leads  us  back 
from  all  idolatrous  practices,  all  adulterations  of  the  divine, 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  15H 

There  is  some  danger  of  even  Christian 
parents  relieving  their  minds  of  a  sense  of  duty 
as  to  their  children's  religious  training,  in  view 
of  our  efficient  Sabbath-schools.  Parents,  these 
teachers  are  your  unpaid  assistants,  and  you 
have  some  responsibility  of  choice  there  also. 
But  they  cannot  be  your  substitutes.  One 
hour  in  the  week  is  all  too  little  in  which  to 
conquer  natural  ignorance,  distaste  for  spiritual 
things,  and  in  many  cases  positive  unfavorable 
influences.  A  minister  tried  to  make  the  ac- 
quaintance of  the  children  of  a  family.  He 
led  the  chat  to  the  Sunday-school,  and  their 
enthusiasm  delighted  him.  But  further  re- 
marks from  them  on  the  subject  puzzled  him ; 
they  alluded  to  features  with  which  he  was 
not  familiar ;  he  found  that  they  were  all  the 
time  talking  of  the  dancing-school !     lie  left 

to  the  primitive,  the  genuinely  divine,  to  the  only  true  God, 
and  him  whom  he  has  sent;  to  our  heavenly  Father's  house, 
which  avc  have  forsaken,  and  walked  instead  in  our  own 
ways,  in  our  own  thoughts  of  God  and  of  things  divine,  in 
our  own  foolish  wisdom,  our  false  and  supposed  policy,  our 
vain  deification  of  art,  our  ascription  of  saving  power  to 
culture.'''  The  lines  we  have  italicised  are  worth  the  pon- 
dering. 


154  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

with  the  feeling  that  both  the  Sunday-school 
teacher  and  he  were  working  at  a  great  disad- 
vantage. 

Remember  that  in  all  cases  of  neglected  dn 
sorrow  will  come  sooner  or  later ;  and  when  it 
comes  early,  how  keen  it  is  !     "  A  child  left  to 

elf  bringeth  his  mother  to  shame"  (Prov. 
29  :  15).  We  say  early,  for  we  have  seen 
aged  parents,  alas  !  sadly  reconciled  to  the  ruin 
of  their  children.  "Very  sorry  to  see  it,  but 
no  hope  !"  A  mother  hears  the  revels  of  her 
son  in  the  next  room  to  her  own,  and  dare  not 
show  displeasure  for  fear  of  insult.  A  daugh- 
ter's life  is  wrecked,  her  prospects  blighted, 
and  her  habits  fixed  irremovably — except  by 
divine  grace — under  the  very  eye  of  parents, 
who  looked  on  at  the  steps  of  the  process.  The 
girl  needed  to  be  "  kept  up,"  and  the  doctor 
ordered  a  little  stimulant,  and  she  could  not 
avoid  being  fatigued  after  long  nights  with 
"society."  and  now  they  and  the  doctor  are 
equally  helpless.  It  is  sad  to  see  a  family 
broken  down  by  the  removal  of  parents ;   but 

ore  melancholy  spectacle  is  it  by  tar  when 
the  young  have  gone  to  ruin,  and  the  old  stand 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  155 

alone,  enfeebled,  humiliated,  mourning  over  the 
wreck  which  their  indolence  or  their  errors 
made  possible.  The  harvest  is  as  the  seed. 
TIow  much  joy  there  is,  on  the  other  hand, 
from  lives  trained  with  care,  pains  and  prayer, 
and  standing  up  in  their  hopeful  strength  and 
beauty ! 

We  confess  that  we  present  these  immediate 
elements  of  the  harvest  to  parents  because 
many  will  appreciate  them  who  are  blind  and  in- 
sensible to  the  remoter  results  in  the  region  that 
is  unseen  and  the  duration  that  is  eternal.  Be- 
lievers who  are  living  "  under  the  power  of  the 
world  to  come"  do  not  need  to  be  reminded  of  the 
awful  and  everlasting  sanctions  of  God's  law. 

It  is  all  the  more  important  to  deepen,  if 
possible,  the  sense  of  parental  obligation,  be- 
cause the  drift  of  the  time  is  somewhat  against 
it.  "Commanding"  is  not  popular.  We  do 
not  forget  the  danger  of  ascribing  features  to 
our  own  time  which  have  existed  equally  in 
all  other  times,  and  would  be  equally  apparent 
to  us  did  we  know  them  as  well  as  our  own. 
Without  yielding  to  this  common  tendency  we 
can  define,  and  in  part  account  for,  a  disposi- 


156  A    CHRISTIAN  HO 

tion  to  precocious  individualism  and  early  self- 
assertion  characteristic  of  our  generation,  our 
critics  would  perhaps  say  even  of  our  land. 
A  popular  female  English  writer  has  indicated 
this  feature  of  the  times  in  a  pleasant  chapter 
upon  children  bringing  up  their  parents  in  the 
way  they  should  go.  There  is  reaction,  say 
some,  against  rigor.  Every  one  can  tell  you 
of  some  melancholy  wreck,  where  an  austere 
father  is  supposed  to  have  driven  his  son  into 
dissipation  after  disgusting  him  with  religion. 
Society  does  not  always  hear  the  father's  side 
of  the  case.  He  is  less  likely  to  tell  it  than 
the  loose-tongued  son,  who  is  put  on  his  de- 
fence. And  society  does  not  hear,  or  if  it  does, 
it  does  not  heed,  the  far  more  numerous  and 
better-attested  cases — for  one  cannot  always 
measure  the  other  evil  forces  that  were  at 
work  besides  the  father's  strictness — where 
weak,  indulgent,  easy-going  parents  let  their 
children  rush  down  the  steep  place  into  the 
sea  of  vice  and  be  drowned.  There  is  none 
too  much  of  Abraham-like  "commanding;."* 

*  The  -writer  has  looked  into  many  of  the  alleged  cases  of 
lives  wrecked  by  the  over-much  piety  of  parents,  and  often 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND   TRAINING.  157 

As  evidence  that  our  time  has  early  self- 
assertion  as  one  of  its  peculiar  perils,  we  not 
only  appeal  to  facts ;  we  can  assign  the  reason 
and  give  the  history.  Over  and  above  the 
freedom  of  speech  and  thought,  the  diffusion 
of  education,  the  consequent  early  period  at 
which  in  general  life  young  people  make  their 
decisions  and  undertake  independent  work — 
over  and  above  what  may  be  called  the  "  way" 
of  our  land  and  the  genius  of  our  institutions — 
we  have  received  and  accepted  outside  teach- 
ing on  this  subject — teaching,  too,  which  is 
one-sided,  and  so  far  misleading  and  mischiev- 
ous. Kant,  Fiehte,  Rousseau  and  others  of 
kindred  schools  have  theorized  touching  the 
constitution  of  society  on  the  plan  of  making 
the  individual  the  one  thing  to  be  considered, 
and  the  world  the  sum  of  the  individuals.  But 
men  and  women  are  long  under  formative  and 
determining    influences    before    they    become 

enough  they  take  their  place  alongside  of  the  "  Blue  Lawn 
of  Connecticut,"  which  even  educated  people  frequently 
quote  in  ignorance  of  the  fact  that  they  were  the  malignant 
caricature  of  an  Englishman  who  fled  from  American  inde- 
pendence, and  probably  felt  the  need  of  vindicating  his 
course. 


158  A    CHRISTIAN   HOME. 

such  individuals  as  these  philosophers  contem- 
plate. Any  view  therefore  of  the  sum  of  the 
individuals  will  be  defective  which  overlooks 
all  these  formative  forces.  But  the  formative 
forces  are,  or  ought  to  he,  primarily  in  the 
family.  In  the  degree  in  which  this  philos- 
ophy rules  the  family,  the  subordination  of  its 
members  to  the  head  will  go  down.  Are  we 
not  reaping  the  harvest  of  which  this  school 
of  thinkers  scattered  the  seeds  ?* 

Another  consideration  deserving  thought  in 
this  connection  is  the  growing  separation  be- 
tween parents  and  children  produced  by  the 
habits  of  our  lives.  Business  men  do  not  live 
over  their  offices  or  stores,  as  they  used  to  do, 

*  Who  can  wonder  that  with  the  spread  of  the  above  views 
vague  and  infelicitous  conceptions  of  woman's  rights  should 
obtain  ?  There  are  real  woman's  rights,  in  the  wise  assertion 
of  which  every  man  must  rejoice.  But  how  natural  for  a 
woman,  not  used  to  broad  thinking,  to  draw  her  own  con- 
clusions from  the  strong  and  one-sided  magnifying  of  the 
individual :  "  Good !  it  is  all  certain  and  clear  as  daylight. 
And  here  are  we  women,  as  numerous  as  the  men,  as  attract- 
ive, as  gifted,  as  much  individuals  as  they  are,  and  we  are 
neither  bankers  nor  brokers,  legislators  nor  voters,  neither 
forward  in  the  law  nor  honored  in  the  gospel.  Let  us  strike 
for  our  rights."     There  is  a  history  here  also. 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  159 

readily  passing  up  to  their  families.  The  rep- 
resentatives of  the  extinct  class  that  once  did 
this  rarely  see  their  children  at  any  length, 
except  on  Sabbaths  and  in  holiday  time.  A 
larger  proportion  of  the  young  live  away  from 
home  for  educational  purposes  than  formerly. 
In  fact,  as  many  a  parent  deplores,  glimpses  of 
the  children  are  all  that  are  enjoyed,  by  fathers 
at  least,  and  it  is  all  too  easy  for  them  to  grow 
away  from  one  another.  And  as  far  as  domes- 
tics are  concerned,  how  many  of  them  come 
and  go  in  many  "  establishments"  without  ever 
exchanging  word  or  thought  with  the  "  gentle- 
man of  the  house,"  whom  the  growing  sons 
possibly  designate,  in  petty  imitation  of  others, 
"the  guv'ner."  All  this  conscientious  Chris- 
tian parents  and  heads  of  houses  must  take 
into  account.* 

Nor  are  we  allowed  to  forget  that  the  urgency 
and  pressure  of  life's  cares,  as  society  advances 
in  wealth,  make  the  work  we  are  inculcating 

*  A  good  woman,  known  to  me  in  other  years,  often  put  in 
her  word,  when  in  her  presence  her  husband,  a  saintly  clergy- 
man, was  making  evening  engagements  for  the  future,  "  Oh, 
please  do  not  undertake  it ;  stay  at  home  one  evening  and  let 
me  introduce  the  children  to  you." 


who  fe-_  I  even  r: 

it  ma y  - 

I 
the::  with  their  comr  pro- 

The  hi  :aothers 

are  often 

then:  ir  child: 

:»f  compensation  r.. 

:shionable 
y  a  limit  to  their  n: 
in  Paris,  have  often  as  mr. 

it  com 
■     '       '  and  left  1 

at  ran- 
dom, .ions  or 
none 

school 

hear  the 

has  con 
:    where   he —  :    she — 

n  sure  U  :r  were  seen  in 

I 


HOME  GOVERNMENT  AND   TRAINING.  161 

in  the  increasing  number  of  cases  where  hotel 
life  is  a  choice  or  a  necessity,  and  the  inevitable 
mingling  of  all  in  the  lengthening  holidays, 
and  popular  "  resorts"  becoming  more  and  more 
"crowded."  It  is  difficult  to  "pull  up"  a  boy 
for  an  unseemly  word  or  deed,  or  to  lecture  a 
girl,  "  on  the  piazza,"  before  the  company. 

Perhaps  also  some  consideration  is  due  to 
the  character  of  the  amusements  affected  by  a 
people  rapidly  growing  in  means.  Imported 
from  the  Continent,  some  of  them ;  foreign  to 
the  early  national  life,  many  of  them  ;  urged  on 
us  like  any  other  object  of  profitable  sale,  and 
sometimes  accepted  in  a  way  which  justifies 
the  caterers  in  smiling  at  our  ways, — they  have 
modified  home  life  to  a  considerable  degree. 
Amusements  have  their  place ;  they  are  neces- 
sary ;  they  are  worth  studying  by  those  who 
bring  up  the  young ;  but  they  are  bad  when 
they  bridge  over  the  space  between  a  youth's 
hereditary  or  habitual  religion  and  the  world's 
vices  and  sins.  The  inmate  of  a  quiet,  pure 
and  orderly  home  till  youth  has  been  reached, 
he  comes  into  one  of  our  great  cities.     Take 

him  to  one  of  its   reputable  and  fashionable 
ll 


102  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

"  places  of  amusement."  It  is  new,  pleasant, 
fascinating  to  him.  Beside  and  around  him 
are  the  cultured,  the  reputable.  He  wonders 
why  at  home  this  kind  of  thing  was  never 
applauded.  Already  pity  for  his  parents'  want 
of  culture  is  finding  a  place  in  his  mind.  Pity 
is  hardening  into  blame,  or  something  like 
contempt.  There  is  no  vice  here.  Beside 
him  are  nice  people.  He  stands  with  them. 
But,  ah !  he  is  near,  he  is  being  influenced  by, 
subtle  sensuality,  base  though  showy  intrigue. 
He  is  becoming  ready  fuel  for  the  passion  fires, 
the  sparks  of  which  flash  around  the  very  door 
of  the  place,  in  the  saloon,  the  gambling-house, 
and  the  like.  Father  and  mother  had  tried  to 
keep  him  from  scenes  where  the  plague  is  slay- 
ing its  victims.  Pity  it  is,  surely,  that  he 
.should  be  helped  over  the  bridge  between  their 
safe  life  and  this  glittering  surface  covering 
"the  region  and  shadow  of  death." 

Just  because  there  are  these  difficulties,  the 
more  need  is  there  for  you,  parents,  to  take 
pains,  to  feel  burdens,  to  comprehend  the 
situation,  to  accept  your  duties  and  to  address 
yourselves  to  them.     What  will  it  profit  you, 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  163 

0  fathers,  to  have  made  fortunes  for  sons  if 
they  be  spent  by  the  worthless  ?  What  good 
will  it  do  you,  0  mothers,  to  have  brought 
up  and  brought  out  daughters  with  marked  so- 
cial success,  if  their  dwellings,  however  splen- 
did, lack  the  purity,  the  fidelity,  the  love  that 
make  a  true  home,  and  without  which  splendid 
environments  are  but  a  vexatious  mockery  ? 

Without  dealing  formally  with  objections 
which  may  be  easily  raised,  and  referring  our 
reader  to  a  previous  chapter  (on  the  Ethics  of 
the  Home),  we  note  some  difficulties  that  may 
be  easily  raised.  "  We  often  see  the  children 
of  good  parents,"  it  is  said,  "  turn  out  the  very 
reverse  of  good."  Well,  it  is  true  that  many 
things  occur  in  life,  even  in  church  life,  which 
prove  that  the  new  man  is  born,  not  of  blood, 
nor  of  the  will  of  the  flesh,  nor  of  man,  but  of 
God  (John  1  :  13).  Yet  one  must  be  slow  to 
think  that  God  disappoints  faith  and  fidelity 
in  order  to  prove  his  own  sovereignty.  Some 
modifying  circumstances  have  probably  to  be 
taken  into  account  in  forming  a  fair  and  com- 
plete idea  of  such  cases.  This  circumstance, 
for  example,   is   notable,   that  good  men  and 


164  -A-    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

women  have  often  grave  defects,  are  often  led 
into  serious  sins.  We  do  not  speak  of  Jacob's, 
Judah's,  Eli's,  David's — all  too  like  the  habits 
of  other  Oriental  chiefs  in  many  things.  The 
outcome  of  these  defects  is  often  seen  in  the 
family.  What  is  bad  in  the  parent  is  worse  in 
the  child,  especially  if  his  theatre  of  action  be 
more  conspicuous,  his  means  of  indulgence 
greater  than  his  parents'.  Just  so  it  is  that 
the  character  of  the  first  generation  of  errorists 
is  often  good.  The  outcome  of  their  error,  un- 
hindered by  restraints  that  told  on  their  pred- 
ecessors, is  seen  in  the  second.  A  good  man 
takes  wine  at  his  table — never  to  excess.  So 
does  his  son.  A  good  man  indulges  in  a 
game — never  gambles.  So  does  his  son. 
But  that  which  never  bent  the  strong  tree 
bends  the  twig,  and  at  one-and-twenty  the 
son  is   a  ruin*     Or,  in  the  estimate  formed 

*  How  many  times  I  have  longed  to  caution  fathers  who 
made  their  own  rugged  natures — braced  and  confirmed  in 
country  air,  and  conserved  till  manhood  in  unexciting  coun- 
try life — the  standard  by  which  to  judge  their  own  sons,  city 
born  and  bred,  with  an  organization  of  a  different  kind,  and 
a  nervous  system  such  as  city  life  all  too  often  develops. 
What  is  safe  for  the  father  may  be  fatal  to  the  son. 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AXD    TRAINING.  105 

from  the  worthless  children  of  good  parents, 
we  must  allow  for  the  facts  already  men- 
tioned— the  many  cases  in  which  children 
grow  up  away  from  the  influence  of  their 
parents,  at  schools,  and  this  in  their  most  im- 
pressible years.  They  who  have  traced  back 
the  cases  of  marked  departure  have  often 
enough  been  able  to  give  the  particulars,  and 
say  how  the  temptation  and  the  fall  came; 
how  the  family  moved  into  Sodom,  and  Lot's 
advice  and  example  went  for  little ;  or  how 
Dinah  made  friends  among  the  aliens,  and  dis- 
grace and  bloodshed  were  the  sad  conse- 
quences. 

Some  reader  of  these  pages  may  feel  that 
for  him  they  mean  nothing.  They  speak  to 
parents  who  have  their  children  around  them. 
But  let  it  be  borne  in  mind  that  a  burning 
candle  does  not  give  light  to  the  right  or  to 
the  left  only,  but  all  around.  The  principle 
that  binds  a  Christian  parent's  conscience  in- 
fluences every  believer  in  his  place.  "  Ye  are 
the  light  of  the  world."  There  should  be  care 
in  constituting  the  household.  Men  should  be 
wise  in  selecting,  women  in  accepting.     The 


166  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

question  should  be  put  to  the  conscience,  Shall 
I  have  help  or  hindrance  in  building  a  true 
home,  from  him,  or  her,  as  a  partner  ?  There 
is  need  to  speak,  even  from  pulpits,  and  still 
more  from  parents'  lips,  to  maidens,  the  honest 
words  of  warning  against  mere  mercenary  and 
ambitious  marriages.  There  is  need  for  kindly 
warning  to  girls  against  acquiring,  partly  in 
schools,  more  commonly  outside  them,  tastes 
and  aims  incompatible  with  lowly  and  unpre- 
tentious work,  and  according  to  which  life  is 
only  worth  living  when  a  figure  is  made  ;  when, 
even  at  the  sacrifice  of  all  that  is  true  and 
gentle,  dress,  luxuries,  shows  and  flatteries 
are  habitually  enjoyed.  Oh,  the  misery,  keen 
and  humiliating,  of  a  woman,  young,  fair,  sensi- 
tive, affectionate,  joining  her  lot,  whatever  the 
force  of  the  sacred  bond,  to  a  man  in  whom  the 
animal  is  much  and  the  conscience  is  little,  on 
whose  whims,  caprices,  irregular  affections,  and 
selfish,  perhaps  lawless,  disposition  her  happi- 
ness must  depend  !  No  wonder  if  lost  hope,  lost 
self-respect,  lost  belief  in  goodness,  should  keep 
her,  in  the  doubtful  periods  of  her  power  over 
him,  on  the  verge  of  despair.    Nothing  then  but 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINING.  167 

belief  in  God  can  comfort  and  assuage.  Better 
than  this  a  thousand  times  is  it  to  toil  to  old 
age  in  a  garret,  "  with  fingers  weary  and  worn, 
with  eyelids  heavy  and  red,"  unknown  and  un- 
noticed save  by  the  Lord  who  dwells  with  the 
pure  in  heart,  and  who  crowns  with  compen- 
sating glory  those  who  follow  the  Lamb  and 
keep  their  garments  clean  even  through  great 
tribulation.  And  as  for  those  who,  without 
recognized  marriage  union  and  sacred  ties,  put 
their  lives  in  hands  black  enough  to  snatch  at 
the  spoil,  what  can  be  said  ?  No  wonder  that 
for  such  the  alternative  should  lie  between  the 
plunge  of  the  suicide  and  the  conversion  of  the 
fallen  into  the  demoniacal  tempters  of  others. 
Parents,  heads  of  families,  the  duty  we  have 
been  urging  is  difficult  and  delicate,  calling  for 
constant  thought  and  prayer;  but  great  is 
the  reward.  If  God  bless  your  toil,  what  a 
joy  it  will  be  when  the  home  of  earth  is  ex- 
changed for  the  heavenly ;  when  petty  cares 
are  all  ended,  vexations  all  clean  gone  for- 
ever ;  when  no  more  "  a  watch  is  to  be  kept 
in  a  world  of  ill ;"  when  you  and  yours  are  to- 
gether in  mutual  confidence,  love,  joy,  perfect 


108  4    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

felicity — together  forever,  and  forever  with  the 
whole  family  that  is  named  after  Jesus — for- 
ever with  the  Lord ! 

It  may  not  be  amiss  to  indicate  classes  of 
persons  exposed  to  special  danger,  and  de- 
manding, in  consequence,  peculiar  and  watch- 
ful care  on  the  part  of  parents.  There  is,  for 
mple,  the  son  of  a  very  wealthy  man.  He 
has  no  absolute  need  to  work ;  he  is  supposed 
to  he  required  by  his  station  and  his  prospects 
to  learn  "accomplishments,"  which  imply  as- 
sociations and  occupation  of  time  not  favorable 
to  the  development  of  solid  character.  He  is 
meanwhile  liable  to  the  interested  and  base 
approaches  of  the  corrupt.  He  has  ample 
means.  He  needs  emphatically  a  firm,  true 
and  wise  friend  in  his  home. 

An  only  child,  even  in  more  moderate  cir- 
cumstances, is  also  exposed.  Restraint  is  as 
little  imposed  as  possible.  It  is  felt  to  be 
hard  to  thwart  ''the  only  young  person  in 
the    fami  The  consciousness  of  freedom, 

and,  by  and  by,  of  power,  is  soon  real- 
ized. Too  early  independence  is  enjoyed,  and 
often    enough   the   too-indulgent   parents    are 


HOME   GOVERNMENT  AND    TRAINL  169 

made  to  suffer  keenly  for  their  weakness  and 
neglect. 

The  sons  of  widows,  again,  are  in  trying 
positions,  whether  they  be  rich  or  poor.  They 
excuse  petty  faults  in  the  boys  "  because  they 
have  no  father's  authority  over  them,"  and 
forget  that  the  bereavement  makes  greater 
strictness  and  vigilance  necessary.  God  help 
the  mothers  who  have  alone  to  guard  and 
guide  young  and  vigorous  lives ! 


'•  The  sun  and  the  moon  and  the  eleven  stars  (Gen.  37  :  9). 
What  a  beautiful  picture — in  a  dream — of  what  a  family 
should  be  !  The  father  as  the  sun.  fall  of  beautiful  light, 
and  lighting  all  about  him  :  the  mother  as  the  moon,  shining 
out  in  her  husband's  absence,  veiling  to  him  when  he  is  in 
his  place  :  the  children  as  stars  of  light,  or  rather  as  a  heaven 
full  of  stars." 


CHAPTER  IX. 

THE    WORSHIP   OF    THE    HOME. 

Natural  religion — The  Lares  and  Penates — "  Opened  with 
prayer" — What  is  urged — Regular  hours — Grace  before 
meat — What  is  family  worship — Regular  at  meals — Scrip- 
ture-reading— Music,  or  not — Fitting  selections — Touching 
life — Aids  to  devotion — An  example — The  parting  bene- 
diction— The  reflex  side  only — The  higher  aspect — Un- 
blessed prosperity — Sorrow  added  with  it — "  But  two  of 
us" — "Only  in  rooms" — "So  little  time" — "Strangers 
with  us" — "  No  gift  of  prayer" — An  elder's  preparation 
— "  Family  take  no  interest" — Difficulties  to  be  conquered 
— Prayer  put  aside  by  society — Second-generation  sin- 
ning punished  by  the  third — Illustration — Family  unity — 
The  priest  in  the  home — A  soldier's  lasting  fame — A 
prophecy  of  heaven. 

The  teaching  of  nature  is  not  to  be  despised. 
"  The  heavens  declare  the  glory  of  God."  The 
instincts  of  human  nature  are  not  to  be  disre- 
garded. There  is  a  law  written  on  the  heart. 
The  best  class  of  Pagans,  therefore,  felt  bound 
to  honor  the  gods  in  their  homes.  The}r  had 
their  tutelary  deities  of  the  dwelling.  It  is 
likely  enough  that  the  ornamental  objects  which 
it  has   everywhere  been  customary  to   crowd 

(171) 


172  -l    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

upon  the  chimney-piece  are  the  representatives 
of  the  images  of  the  household  gods — the  Lares 
and  Penates.  According  to  Plato  the  hest 
Grecian  town  houses  had  an  image  of  a  deity 
in  the  hall,  and  in  the  country  places  a  statue 
of  a  deity  in  the  open  space  before  the  door. 
Daily  worship  in  the  household  was  a  Roman 
custom  in  the  hest  times  of  the  nation. 

Christian  life  does  not  less  own  the  divine 
claims  than  did  Judaism  in  its  morning  and 
evening  sacrifice,  or  less  than  heathenism  in  its 
best  estate.  Assemblies  of  Christians  for  high 
purposes  are  commonly  opened  with  prayer. 
The  legislatures  of  Protestant  lands  thus  own 
dependence  on  divine  wisdom.  Christian  mon- 
archs  take  their  crowns  with  solemn  religious 
rites.  It  would  be  strange  indeed  if  Christian 
households,  as  such,  did  not  acknowledge  God. 
The  heathen  of  Greece  and  Rome  might  well 
rise  up  in  judgment  against  those  who  enjoy 
a  divine  revelation,  and  in  whose  homes  God  is 
not  honored  with  praise  and  approached  with 
prayer. 

Before  making  an  argument  for  family  wor- 
ship let  it  be  clearly  stated  what  we  recom- 


THE    WORSHIP   OF    THE  HOME.  173 

mend.     The  formidable  aspect  the  service  may 
wear  to  some  will  thus  probably  disappear. 

There  is  in  any  family  that  has  even  an  ap- 
proach to  orderly  life  a  fixed  hour  for  meals, 
and  usually  the  meal  collects  the  members. 
Even  where  spiritual  religion  is  not  professed, 
in  many  circles  thanks  are  offered  to  God,  and 
his  blessing  is  sought  upon  the  bounties  he 
gives  on  the  table.  On  the  same  principle, 
and  with  no  more  trouble,  the  members  of  a 
family  can  be  brought  together,  perhaps  before 
a  meal,  perhaps  after  it,  and  led  to  join  together 
in  an  act  of  worship.  The  head  of  the  family 
takes  the  Bible — in  many  a  home  it  is  found 
on  the  breakfast-table — and  reads  a  portion. 
It  is  sometimes  not  unfit  for  him  or  her  to 
choose  or  indicate  the  portion  and  ask  one  of 
the  family  to  read  it.  An  elder  son  may  thus 
be  habituated,  without  fear  of  his  own  voice, 
to  do  the  like  in  his  own  home  at  some  future 
da}'.  If  there  be  ready  means — without  em- 
barrassment— for  singing  praises  in  language 
familiar  to  all,  so  much  the  better. *     Children 

*  The  binding  up  of  the  metrical  psalms,  paraphrases  and 
hymns  with  the  Bible  gave  great  facility  for  this  in  the  old 


174  A    GHBISTIAN  HOME. 

come  to  be  interested  in  this  part  of  the  exer- 
cise. Where  a  musical  instrument  is  in  the 
room  a  woman's  tact  and  the  "  touch  of  a  deli- 
cate hand  "  may  aid  in  the  sacrifice  of  praise. 
Better,  however,  to  omit  this,  to  leave  music 
out,  than  to  risk  anything  out  of  harmony  with 
the  simple,  reverent,  informal,  natural  act  of 
homage  to  the  King  of  kings,  the  source  of  all 
the  family's  blessings.  The  Scripture  reading 
ought  not  to  be  tedious,  whether  preceded  or 
followed  by,  or  even  without,  praise.  A  wise 
person  will  proceed  on  some  plan.  In  many 
cases  to  read  through  the  word  is  good — omit- 
ting of  course  such  passages  as  serve  other 
ends  than  the  growth  of  spiritual  life,  such  as 
genealogical  tables — portions  of  Scripture  which 
have  their  uses  in  other  directions — as  a  part 
for  example  of  the  mass  of  Scripture  "  evi- 
dences." The  presence  of  children  would,  to 
a  wise  parent,  be  a  determining  element  in  the 
selection.   The  narrative  portions  will  be  freely 

world.  So  Bibles  and  prayer-books  had  Tate  and  Brady's 
Psalter  bound  up  with  them.  The  dispensing  with  these 
arrangements,  through  the  use  of  voluminous  books  of 
praise,  is  not  an  unmixed  gain. 


THE    WORSHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  175 

used.  The  parables  of  the  Lord  might  be  read 
consecutively.  The  same  course  might  be  fol- 
lowed with  the  miracles,  or  with  the  more 
formal  discourses,  or  with  the  life  of  Paul,  or 
with  the  life  and  works  of  John.  At  times  a 
prophetic  portion  may  be  read  and  connected 
in  a  single  word  with  its  fulfillment  in  the  New 
Testament.  An  Old  Testament  biography  may 
be  followed  out  with  a  reference  to  any  New 
Testament  allusions  to  it.  Any  events  of  inter- 
est in  the  family,  a  birth,  a  death,  a  marriage, 
may  dictate  the  portion.  How  fittingly  2  Cor. 
5  :  1-10;  1  Thess.  4  :  13-18;  Rev.  21  :  1-7; 
22  :  1-7  may  be  used  when  the  shadow  of 
death  is  over  the  dwelling !  Perhaps  some  one 
is  suffering.  Heb.  12  :  1-1.3  gets  a  new  signifi- 
cation at  such  a  time.  Some  one  is  going  on  a 
journey,  or  has  safely  returned.  Then  the 
"Traveller's  Psalm,"  as  thel21sthas  beencalled, 
may  well  be  used.  It  is  a  wedding  day.  The 
second  of  John  may  carry  the  group  to  that  in 
Cana  when  Christ  was  a  guest.  It  may  be  fit 
in  some  instances — as  where  there  are  domes- 
tics with  perhaps  few  opportunities  of  learning 
truth — to  add  a  word  of  explanation  or  appli- 


176  &    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

cation.  This  should  always  be  brief,  simple, 
informal.  The  great  thing  to  be  kept  in  mind 
is  the  bringing  of  divine  truth  to  the  mind,  as 
the  words  of  God  to  it;  the  making  of  the 
impression  that  the  word  is  adapted  to  all 
men's  conditions ;  and  that  it  is  not  a  mere  code 
of  laws,  but  in  sympathy  with  all  human  expe- 
riences and  adapted  to  all  our  vicissitudes.  In 
some  cases  it  interests  to  have  the  reading  verse 
by  verse  in  turn,  each  having  his  or  her  own 
Bible*  The  wTord  being  thus  read — and  there 
need  be  no  monotony — prayer  is  to  be  offered. 
There  are  cases  in  which  timidity  or  other  kin- 
dred causes  will  prevent  what  is  known  as  free 
prayer,  and  where  suitable  "family  prayers"  are 

*  Occasionally  this  plan  is  employed  with  advantage  where 
there  are  children,  and  where  any  others — domestics  for  ex- 
ample— can  take  their  turn  without  embarrassment.  The 
writer,  however,  has  often  seen  it  in  use  where  it  failed  of  its 
end.  An  infelicitous  pronunciation  by  one  upsets  the  grav- 
ity of  the  rest ;  conscious  bad  reading  produces  embarrass- 
ment. But  worst  of  all,  instead  of  taking  in  the  meaning 
of  each  verse,  some  are  looking  out  for  theirs  and  getting 
ready  for  the  enunciation.  This,  in  my  judgment,  is  a  grave 
objection  to  responsive  reading  everywhere.  There  are  many 
who  have  thus  read  the  Psalter  month  after  month,  for  years, 
with  no  corresponding  knowledge  of  its  meaning. 


THE    WORSHIP   OF  THE  HOME.  177 

provided.  The  selection  of  the  book  in  this 
case  should  be  wisely  made,  and  the  particular 
part  to  be  used  at  any  time  should  be  known 
beforehand.*  But  ordinarily  there  will  be  no 
difficulty  to  a  devout  person,  accustomed  to  the 
right  use  of  the  Bible,  in  uttering  before  God 
the  thanksgiving  and  the  petitions  proper  to 
the  condition  of  the  family.  It  is  not  long, 
eloquent  or  "  beautiful  "  prayers  that  the  divine 
Father  desires.  It  is  the  offering  up  of  the 
desires  of  the  heart  to  him.  A  little  effort  will 
overcome  difficulties ;  and  the  object  is  worth 

*  If  any  reader  is  at  a  loss  to  know  such  a  book,  his  minis- 
ter can  usually  aid  in  the  selection.  Most  publishers  of 
religious  books  can  recommend  a  volume.  Kyle,  now  bishop 
of  Liverpool,  has  framed  his  comments  on  the  gospel  for 
family  reading.  "  Family  Prayers,"  by  the  Rev.  Ashton 
Oxenden  and  the  Rev.  C.  H.  Ramsden,  will  suit  many. 
"Prayers  for  the  Closet  and  the  Family,"  by  the  Rev.  G.  B. 
Burns,  D.D.,  a  Scottish  clergyman,  will  be  found  useful. 
The  Rev.  W.  Gregg,  D.D.,  Toronto,  has  edited  an  excellent 
•'  Book  of  Prayers  for  Family  Worship."  Many  years  ago 
the  present  writer,  with  the  view  of  aiding  the  timid  ju.-t 
beginning  family  life,  issued  "  Prayers  for  a  Month,  for  Work- 
ing People."  The  book  has  been  reissued  in  this  country 
with  some  changes.  On  few  things  does  the  writer  look  with 
more  gratitude  than  the  usefulness  it  has  had  among  those 
first  contemplated  in  its  issue. 
12 


178  A    C HE  1ST  I  AN  HOME. 

the  effort.  God  is  to  be  praised ;  fitting,  con- 
cise mention  is  to  be  made  of  his  ordinary 
goodness — his  care  through  the  day  or  the  night; 
and  of  special  benefits,  as  the  recovery  of  a 
member  from  sickness.  Prayer  is  offered  for 
continued  goodness — for  help  in  all  duties — for 
grace  for  each,  parents,  children — and  if  there 
be  domestics,  for  them,  with  special  reference 
to  anything  unusual  in  the  home  or  circle. 
Here  is  an  illustration  from  life.  After  break- 
fast the  family  moved  into  an  adjoining  room  in 
which  stood  a  musical  instrument.  A  few  verses 
were  sung,  all  the  household  joining,  and  even 
the  baby,  used  to  the  exercise,  sat  with  quiet 
attention  on  the  nurse's  knee.  A  brief  read- 
ing of  Scripture  followed.  The  mother  of  the 
chambermaid,  it  was  known  to  the  family,  was 
seriously  ill.  As  she  sat  down  the  head  of  the 
house  said,  "  How  is  your  mother  to-day, 
Sarah  ?"  A  quiet  answer  was  given.  She  was 
remembered  in  the  prayer.  "  If  it  please  thee, 
Lord,  restore  the  health  of  her  of  whom  we 
have  been  speaking,  and  comfort  her  and  all 
connected  with  her."  It  made  the  service  real. 
It  expressed  the  oneness  between  the  family 


THE    WORSHIP  OF   THE  HOME.  179 

and  the  humble  girl  who  worked  there  for  her 
bread.  It  represented  true  Christian  sympathy. 
This  man  was  a  rich  merchant  and  a  strong 
man  of  affairs ;  but  he  could  feel  for  and  with 
the  anxious  daughter.  How  many  lectures  on 
the  evidences  of  Christianity,  how  many  homi- 
lies on  fidelity  to  employers,  would  produce 
as  deep  an  impression  as  this  petition  ?  And 
this  is  to  look  at  it  only  on  its  reflex  side. 

Take  another  case.  It  is  a  plain  farm-house, 
and  a  Sabbath  evening.  The  family  is  gathered 
together.  The  catechism  is  recited,  the  younger 
ones  dropping  out  one  by  one  where  mother 
says  "that  is  as  far  as  she  has  got."  The 
family  meal  is  taken,  and — the  family  being 
all  at  home  together — it  is  a  little  more  luxu- 
rious than  usual,  but  of  easy  cookery.  Then 
comes  worship,  in  which  there  is  nothing  un- 
usual until  the  father  alludes  to  "him  who 
is  to  go  from  home  to-morrow."  A  boy  was 
leaving  before  daylight  the  next  day  for  his 
first  college  year.  The  strong  man's  voice 
broke  down,  and  his  utterance  became  choked. 
There  was  a  moment's  silence  and  a  sympa- 
thetic   sigh   from   the    mother.       "Keep   him 


180  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

in  thy  fear,  and  prepare  him  for  thy  service." 
Can  you  suppose  that  boy  soon  forgetting  the 
tone  and  the  words?  Could  the  memory  of 
them  be  other  than  a  check  on  him  if  tempta- 
tion invited  to  folly  or  sin  ?  * 

*  Our  readers  will  thank  us  for  reporting  a  fragment  from 
the  Life  of  Dr.  Lawson,  a  good  minister  of  the  old  and  cere- 
monious time,  by  Dr.  McFarlane.  The  scene  is  a  Scottish 
house  ;  the  time  the  death  of  a  dearly -loved  son  of  the  min- 
ister ;  "  the  family  in  great  distress — weeping  and  lamenting 
over  the  dead ;  Dr.  Lawson  sitting  in  the  midst  of  them, 
calm  but  overwhelmed.  After  a  short  pause  he  arose  and 
said,  '  Oh,  Mrs.  Lawson,  will  you  consider  what  you  are 
about?  Remember  who  has  done  this.  Be  composed;  be 
resigned ;  and  arise  and  accompany  me  down  stairs,  that  we 
may  all  join  in  worshipping  our  God.'  And  so  they  all 
went  down  with  him  to  the  parlor.  He  then  read  out  for 
praise  those  solemn  verses  of  the  29th  paraphrase  : 

'  Amidst  the  mighty,  where  is  he 

Who  saith,  and  it  is  done  ? 
Each  varying  scene  of  changeful  life 
Is  from  the  Lord  alone. 

'  Why  should  a  living  man  complain 
Beneath  the  chastening  rod? 
Our  sins  afflict  us,  and  the  cross 
Must  bring  us  back  to  God.' 

"  Before  he  raised  the  tune,  he  paused  for  a  moment,  looking 
round  upon  the  weeping  circle,  and  then,  with  faltering 
cents,  said,  '  We  have  lost  our  singer  this  morning ;  but  I 


THE    WORSHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  Jgl 

But  this  is  to  look  at  but  one,  and  that  the 
lower,  side  of  this  matter.  God  hears  prayer. 
We  wish  to  show  how  the  prayer  of  the  family 
is  to  be — not  form  or  decent  ceremony,  but — 
real,  humble,  trustful  service,  in  which,  guided 
by  the  word  and  spirit  of  God,  the  family 
brings  the  details  of  actual  life  with  becoming 
fervor  before  the  divine  and  all-ruling  Father 
with  gratitude,  submission,  hope,  confidence, 
and  in  which  the  weak  human  souls  take  hold 
together  of  infinite  strength.  He  honors  them 
that  honor  him.  He  dwells  with  them  who 
invite  his  presence.  That  presence  lightens 
the  gloom  of  life,  and  brightens  all  its  joys. 
His  blessing  gives  that  safe  prosperity  with 
which  no  sorrow  is  linked,  as  it  is  sure  to  be 
where  he  is  ignored  in  unblessed  prosperity. 
Oh,  men  and  brethren  whom  God  has  placed 
at  the  head  of  families,  where  he  gives  you 
homes,  be  sure  that  you  set  up  altars  ! 

We  can  conceive  objections  readily  started. 

know  that  he  has  begun  a  song  which  shall  never  end ;'  and 
then  proceeded  with  the  worship,  completing  a  scene  as  holy, 
and  sublime  as  can  well  be  imagined." 

Yes,  the  memory  of  such  scenes  has  helped  to  make  strong 
many  a  "  son  of  the  manse."' 


182  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

"  Why,"  says  one,  "  we  are  but  two  of  us — 
my  wife  and  I;  we  can  hardly  be  called  a 
family."  Even  so.  What  saith  the  Scripture  ? 
"  Where  two  or  three."  "  We  are  not  in  our 
own  house,  only  in  rooms."  Very  well.  Wor- 
ship has  been  conducted  in  mines,  and  in  barns, 
and  on  the  decks  of  fishing-boats.  You  have  a 
room.  Consecrate  it  by  united  prayer  ;  it  will 
render  it  home-like.  And  if  God  add  to  your 
responsibilities,  you  will  be  all  the  better  fitted 
for  them.  "  We  have  so  little  time."  It  will 
save  time,  temper  and  strength  to  begin  and 
end  the  day  with  God.  The  writer  was  once 
the  guest  of  a  plain  man,  whose  house  he  had 
to  quit  in  the  early  Monday  morning.  Coming- 
down  at  the  appointed  hour,  the  breakfast  was 
on  the  table.  I  had  not  counted  on  such  care 
at  such  a  time,  and  said  so.  "  Ah,"  said  he, 
"  you  know  Philip  Henry  used  to  say, '  Prayer 
and  provender  hinder  no  man's  journey,' "  and 
a  brief,  simple  family  worship  followed  that  was 
"  true  to  the  truth  of  things."  I  had  preached 
to  him  the  Sabbath  before.  Religion  had  made 
that  country  farmer  a  refined  gentleman,  and 
he  then  unconsciously  preached  to  me.     Says 


THE    WORSHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  183 

one,  "We  often  have  strangers  with  us."  So 
much  the  more  reason  for  your  confessing 
Christ  before  them.  How  much  good  it  may 
do  them  !  And  it  will  show  them  what  manner 
of  persons  even  politeness  will  require  them  to 
be  in  your  house.  "  I  have  no  gift  of  prayer," 
says  one.  Have  you  desires,  thankfulness, 
hopes  ?  Can  you  express  such  to  men  ?  Do 
likewise  to  God.  He  sees  the  heart ;  he  will 
aid  the  tongue ;  and  the  effort  to  honor  him 
will  not  be  in  vain.  It  is  worth  making.  No 
service  to  God  is  worth  much  that  costs  noth- 
ing. A  godly  man  was  chosen  to  the  eldership. 
He  was  expected  then  to  pray  in  public,  and  he 
was  unused  to  it  outside  of  his  family.  He 
was  at  the  head  of  the  largest  business  of  its 
kind  in  a  great  capital,  and  had  many  a  care. 
But  he  accepted  the  duty,  performed  it  well, 
and  never  mentioned  his  difficulty  but  to  his 
pastor.  When  his  useful  life  closed  there 
were  found  among  his  papers  the  careful  prepa- 
rations he  had  made  with  his  Bible  and  his  pen, 
for  the  discharge  of  his  duty.  This  plea  is 
sometimes  urged  by  men  who  could  remove  it 
with  one-tenth  of  the  effort  they  make  about 


184  ^    CHRISTIAX  HOME. 

minor  matters,  trifles,  social  accomplishments. 
I  have  heard  it  urged  by  one  who  spent  hours 
daily  in  the  effort  to  play  the  flute — to  the  sore 
affliction  of  the  family.  "  My  family  take  no 
interest  in  it."  This  is,  undoubtedly,  one  of  the 
most  discouraging  things  to  be  encountered. 
To  have  little  difficulties  put  in  the  way ;  to 
find  sons  and  daughters  habitually  presenting 
themselves  after  worship,  or  finding  trifling 
reasons  for  leaving  before  it ;  to  see  them  un- 
gracefully submit  to  it,  and  declare  by  their 
manner  how  tiresome  it  is. — this  is  indeed  de- 
pressing, and  will  sometimes  make  the  very 
exercise  hard  to  you,  and  raise  the  question,  Is 
it  best  on  the  whole  to  persevere  ?  Yes.  "What 
other  duty  do  you  abandon  because  it  is  difficult, 
or  because  you  have  defective  sympathy  in  it  ? 
The  more  their  indifference,  the  greater  their 
need.  Guard  carefully  against  any  real  cause 
for  complaint,  and  persevere.  The  Lord  hears 
and  sees,  even  though  your  own  flesh  and 
blood,  for  whom  you  toil  and  pray,  be  indif- 
ferent. The  honest  effort  may  be  remembered 
when  you  are  beyond  the  reach  of  human  dis- 
couragement.     "  Oh !   if   we    had   father   back 


THE    WOK  SHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  185 

again !  We  should  never  vex  him  again.  He 
should  never  he  left  to  family  worship  with 
only  the  servant."  That  was  the  pitiful  cry 
of  a  daughter  in  her  desolateness,  when  her 
father's  prayers  had  been  exchanged  for  praises 
which  no  obvious  lack  of  sympathy  shall  ever 
chill. 

No,  no.  The  objections  and  difficulties  are 
nothing  compared  with  the  privilege  and  the 
duty,  and  the  blessing  that  fidelity  to  the  duty 
brings.  In  many  a  home  there  is  prosperity 
mainly  through  the  efforts  of  God-fearing  and 
faithful  parents.  They  die  and  leave  their  in- 
heritance to  their  children.  Prosperity  brings 
society  and  social  demands.  "  The  voice  of 
rejoicing  and  salvation  "  was  "  in  the  tabernacles 
of  the  righteous,"  through  whom  the  prosperity 
came.  But  it  is  not  here.  The  children  grow 
up  without  godly  influences  at  home.  They 
are  under  every  force — that  of  fashion,  that  of 
"  culture,"  that  of  self-indulgence,  that  of  tempt- 
ation, that  of  the  carnal  mind — every  force  but 
that  of  religion.  In  the  dance,  the  song,  the  dra- 
matical recital,  they  have  acquired  skill  at  the 
cost   of  money  and  time.     Their  parents  are 


186  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

proud  of  them,  but  not  indeed  without  some 
secret  misgivings  and  self-reproach  when  they 
remember  their  own  up-bringing.  But  "  times 
have  altered,"  and  they  must  do  as  others  of 
their  class  do.  And  so  the  drift  of  things  re- 
ceives no  check,  until  it  is  found  that  one  of  the 
sons  unhappily  "drinks;"  another  is  reckless 
about  money,  fmd  "society" — hollow  and  de- 
ceptive and  mean — which  caresses  him  to  his 
face  whispers  behind  his  back  that  it  is  not 
wise  to  be  too  much  acquainted  with  him — that 
he  borrows  and  forgets  to  pay;  and  so  the 
second  generation  unlearns  the  lessons  taught 
by  the  first,  and  is  often  punished  by  the  dis- 
grace, humiliation  and  dependent  poverty  of 
/the  third.  A  prayerless  family  will  soon  be  a 
J  {  godless  family,  and  a  godless  family  will  soon 
\find  the  way  of  transgressors  to  be  hard. 
"  Yes,  I  am  rich  enough,"  growled  a  successful 
man,  "  but  where's  the  use  of  it  ?  To  make 
money  with  hard  work  for  a  scamp  who  is 
longing  to  get  it,  and  for  his  connections,  that 
lie  to  me  when  we  meet  and  lie  about  me  when 
we  part !"  Yes  !  poor  man  and  millionaire !  He 
had  done  everything  for  that  "  scamp  "  but  to 


THE    WORSHIP   OF    THE  HOME.  187 

train  him  up  in  the  fear  of  the  Lord.  There 
had  been  effort  made  by  others  for  the  heir  of 
this  insipid  fortune.  There  was  a  time  when 
he  seemed  not  far  from  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 
But  he  went  back.  His  father  did  not  want 
him  "  to  go  to  extremes."  He  saw  that  to 
go  forward  on  that  line  was  to  break  with  a 
hundred  things  natural  and  fit  "  for  a  person  in 
his  position."  He  went  back,  and  of  course 
was  henceforward  farther  from  the  kingdom 
and  more  set  against  it  than  ever  before.  He 
became  intensely  occupied  with  pure  frivolity. 
He  was  the  busiest  man  of  his  set  about  pleas- 
ures. His  prospects  brought  him  showy  and 
fashionable  minions  of  both  sexes.  Company 
on  week-day  and  Sunday  absorbed  his  time. 
Where  money  flowed  freely,  channels  for  it 
were  readily  opened — around  the  gaming-table 
and  on  the  race-course.  A  marriage  was  made 
in  the  line  of  this  life.  Even  the  gayest  types 
of  this  sort  of  enjoyment  become  insipid  and 
tire  one,  and  stimulants  become  necessary.  At 
first  they  are  servants,  then  tyrants.  All  this 
the  millionaire  knew ;  hence  the  prospects  of 
his  heir  gave  him  no  pleasure.     And  hence  the 


1S8  -1    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

limitations  in  his  will,  in  view  of  which*  his 
memory  is  occasionally  cursed  by  those  who 
are  spending  his  hard-won  and  disappointing 
acquisitions. 

Parents  and  heads  of  families  !  even  if  the 
household  be  only  like  Naomi  and  Ruth,  main- 
tain God's  worship  in  your  dwellings.  God  has 
in  innumerable  cases  blessed  it  in  restraining, 
in  guiding,  in  encouraging.  Even  the  memory 
/  has  been  many  a  time  a  means  of  grace  through 
which  spiritual  life  has  come. 

After  Sennacherib  of  Assyria  had  met  with 
such  a  check  in  his  attempt  upon  the  kingdom 
of  Hezekiah,  the  king  of  Babylon,  then  under 
Assyria,  and  hoping  for  independence,  thought 
an  alliance  with  Judah  a  politic  step.  So  he 
sent  letters  of  congratulation  on  his  recovery 
from  sickness,  and  some  presents,  to  Hezekiah, 
with  a  view  to  such  a  league.  He  did  not 
care  for  Judah,  but  as  Judah  might  be  used 
for  his  own  ends.     Hezekiah  was  man, 

but  even  good  men  make  mistakes.  He  had 
no  business  as  king  of  Juclah  to  consider  any 
overtures  from  a  heathen  ruler;  but  he  ••heark- 
ened" to  the  ambassadors,  and  showed  them 


THE    WORSHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  189 

all  his  treasures  and  all  his  military  stores,  as 
though  he  said,  "We  have  had  a  war,  to  he 
sure,  but,  you  see,  we  have  still  resources 
enough."  Isaiah  was  sent  to  him  with,  among 
others,  this  suggestive  question:*  "What  have 
thev  seen  in  thine  house  ?" 

How  often  the  Babylonians  make  such  vis- 
its !  For  the  religion  of  godly  families  they 
care  nothing,  but  their  influence,  names,  means, 
standing,  count  for  something.  Christians ! 
what  do  they  see  in  your  houses  ? — empty 
show,  display,  extravagance,  art  products  that 
are  hardly  modest,  heartlessness  and  easy  and 
perilous  self-indulgence  ?  or  do  they  see  unity, 
purity,  simplicity,  godliness,  running  through 
every  arrangement,  softening  and  sweetening 
every  part  of  the  life,  and  elevating  even  com- 
mon tasks  to  the  dignity  of  deliberate  and  holy 
service  ?  Are  you  saying  practically,  and 
teaching  all  under  your  influence  to  say,  with 
the  psalmist,  "  I  will  walk  within  my  house 
with  a  perfect  heart "  ? 

Do  you  wish  to  have  family  unity  preserved 

*  2  Kings  20  :  15.  The  whole  passage  is  worth  careful 
study. 


Jf)0  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

and  dignified  and  consecrated  ?  Bring  all  around 
the  throne  of  the  heavenly  grace  together. 
Do  yon  wish  to  repose  in  your  home,  to  live 
quiet  and  peaceable  lives  ?  This  will  tranquil- 
lize the  spirit,  sustain  the  activities,  strengthen 
resolutions,  and,  like  oil  to  machinery,  nullify 
friction,  sweeten  temper,  and  make  all  move- 
ment easy  and  pleasant.  Would  you  banish  dis- 
union, jarring,  mutual  coldness  and  suspicion? 
Let  the  hearts  all  blend  under  your  loving 
direction  around  the  divine  Father's  throne. 
Would  you  live  in  the  grateful  recollections  of 
Christian  children  ?  Then  be  the  faithful  priest 
in  your  home,  the  devout  minister  at  its  altar. 
Would  you,  on  the  other  hand,  alienate  the 
divine  favor  and  take  your  place  among  God's 
enemies  ?  You  can  easily  do  it.  "  0  Lord,  .  .  . 
pour  out  thy  fury  upon  the  heathen  that  know 
thee  not,  and  upon  the  families  that  call  not  on 
thy  name." 

But  we  hope  better  things  of  you.  We  would 
fain  have  you  on  the  same  line  with  "the  friend 
of  God,"  acting  as  becomes  the  seed  of  faithful 
Abraham.  "  Ye  have  heard  of  the  patience  of 
Job."     Perhaps  you  too  have  defective  sym- 


THE    WORSHIP   OF   THE  HOME.  191 

pathy  at  home  from  wife  or  children.  Well, 
imitate  him  in  his  efforts  (Job  1:5).  You 
may  have  many  cares,  personal  or  public,  like 
David.  Do  not  fail  to  bless  your  household  '</' 
(1  Chron.  16  :  43),  and  guard  against  the  incon- 
sistencies which  marred  his  good  intents.  Cor- 
nelius was  honored  and  prosperous.  He  had 
pious  servants  about  him.  He  was  a  Roman 
officer.  His  "  set "  did  not  help  him  to  godli- 
ness. But  God  blessed  him.  He  was  devout, 
feared  God,  and  inculcated  that  fear  on  all  his 
family,  and  prayed  to  God  always  (Acts  10  :  2, 
30).  And  how  much  blessing  came  to  him! 
What  immortality  has  any  other  Roman  officer 
in  history  like  his  ?  Make  the  God  of  Bethel 
yours,  and  let  your  household  go  out  in  life 
under  the  influence  of  truth,  linked  with  every 
dear  memory  and  every  sweet  association  of 
home,  making  it  to  them  a  type  and  prophecy 
of  heaven. 


What  then  is  holiness?  It  is  not  a  single  habit;  it  is  not 
a  complement  of  habits ;  it  is  a  nature,  and  by  nature  we 
are  to  understand,  not  the  collection  of  properties  -which  dis- 
tinguish one  being  from  another,  but  a  generic  disposition 
which  determines,  modifies  and  regulates  all  its  activities 
and  states — the  law  of  the  mode  of  its  existence. — James 
Henry  Thornwell,  D.D. 


CHAPTER  X. 

SECONDARY    ELEMENTS    IN    TRUE    HOME-LIFE. 

Divine  government  uses  means — "  Within  our  means" — Re- 
sults of  imprudence — The  alternative — A  wise  heroine — 
A  broad  battle-ground — Beginning  honestly — The  poets — 
How  to  do  it — The  power  of  gentleness — "  A  real  lady  " — 
One's  connections  —  Hospitality  —  "  Dear  five  hundred 
friends" — Cicero  on  friendship — The  communion  of  saints 
— The  ideal  of  a  friend — "Faithfully,  yours  ever" — The 
true  humanity — Sullen  obedience  not  obedience — Grown- 
up children — Giving  confidences — Parents  not  lodging- 
house  keepers — "What  is  the  matter  with  father?" — 
Mother  a  confidante — Hungry  hearts. 

In  every  form  of  human  life  the  first  thing 
is  the  fear  of  the  Lord  and  the  right  relation 
to  him.  "Wisdom  is  the  principal  thing."* 
"  Seek  ye  first  the  kingdom  of  God,  and  his 
righteousness."f  But  a  man  cannot  count  on 
success  in  business,  in  a  profession,  even  in  the 
ministry,  simply  because  he  fears  the  Lord. 
The  Lord's  government  of  the  world  implies 
the  adaptation  of  means  to  ends,  and  no 
amount  of  religious  feeling  will  take  the  place 

*  Prov.  4:7.  f  Matt.  6  :  33. 

13  (193) 


194  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

of  adequate  training  and  the  common  qualities 
called  into  play  in  any  form  of  human  effort. 
"  He  is  a  most  excellent  man,"  said  one  to  me 
of  a  mutual  friend,  "  but  he  knows  nothing  of 
business.  I  pity  him."  On  precisely  the 
same  principles  it  is  worth  while  to  devote  a 
chapter  to  certain  secondary  elements  in  the 
happy  life  of  a  family. 

"  Where  shall  we  live  ?"  is  one  of  the  earliest 
questions  the  married  have  to  ask.  The  bride 
cannot  imagine  herself  comfortable  in  any 
place  inferior  to  that  she  has  quitted.  Why, 
her  very  wedding-gifts  would  be  out  of  har- 
mony with  any  very  moderate  accommodation ! 
And  what  would  her  friends  say,  or  think, 
when  they  called  on  her?  So,  regardless  of 
the  income  to  be  counted  on,  arrangements  are 
made  on  the  scale  of  the  rather  showy  wedding- 
gifts.  But  one  year's  expenses  have  not  been 
met  until  care  and  embarrassment  begin.  The 
husband  is  humiliated  by  reminders — more  or 
less  intended  or  articulate — that  he  cannot 
keep  his  wife  in  her  former  station,  that  she 
has  had  to  go  down  with  him.  He  begins  to 
have  a  group  of  cares  not  shared  with  his  wife. 


SECOND  A  It  Y  ELEMENTS  IN  TR  UE  HOME-LIFE.    1 95 

There  is  a  territory  between  them  which 
neither  touches,  and  it  grows  larger  and  larger. 
There  will  always  be  "friends,"  thoughtless 
or  spiteful,  to  suggest,  meddle  and  direct. 
Unlooked-for  demands  for  money  arise.  Things 
are  more  expensive  than  they  supposed.  She 
begins  to  see  that  every  fresh  call  on  him  in  a 
measure  disturbs  him.  He  is  painfully  con- 
scious of  it  also,  and  a  certain  artificial  and 
dramatic  manner  is  assumed  to  cover  the  con- 
fusion. One  of  two  results  comes  sooner  or 
later.  The  worse  of  the  two  is  holding  on, 
running  into  debt,  mortgaging  the  future,  per- 
haps throwing  themselves  on  relatives ;  or  pos- 
sibly a  secret  and  silent  misapplication  of 
means,  by  him,  of  which  the  outcome  is  ruin 
with  disgrace.  The  other  and  the  better  is  a 
resolute  and  joint  facing  of  the  situation. 
"  Come,  George,  we  married  for  better  for 
worse ;  we  have  not  means — it  is  no  fault  of 
yours — to  live  at  this  rate.  We  must  be  self- 
respecting  and  independent,  and  we  must  keep 
something  against  a  rainy  day.  Let  us  get  on 
a  different  scale,  and  at  once.  About  the 
nice  furniture  and  my  wedding-gifts,  you  say. 


196  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

What  about  them  ?  We  are  not  bound  to  live 
by  a  gilt  French  clock.  You  are  my  great 
wedding-gift,  George.  The  others  we  can 
store  away.  I'm  going  to  look  for  a  place 
within  our  means,  to-morrow ;  and  I'll  do  with 
one  girl."  "  God  bless  you,  Anna  !  You  have 
lifted  a  load  off  my  mind.  I'll  work  with  a 
new  life,  and  we  shall  have  a  place  yet  for  the 
French  clock  that  we  can  afford." 

The  prudence  needed  in  this  department 
extends  to  a  hundred  details — to  dress,  to 
society,  to  the  receiving  of  friends,  to  hospi- 
tality, to  holiday  arrangements,  and  notably  to 
the  management  of  children.  The  courage  to 
accept  the  situation,  by  which  a  few  decisive 
victories  are  gained  at  the  outset,  is  a  blessing 
to  the  life.  "  But  what  will  our  friends  say, 
Anna?"  "Never  mind  them,  George.  We 
do  not  live  on  them.  Let  them  mind  their 
own  business.  You  and  I  have  to  do  our  duty 
in  the  place  where  Providence  has  put  us,  and 
any  who  do  not  understand  us  and  approve  it 
are  not  worth  thinking  of  as  friends."  "  God 
bless  you,  Anna!  you  are  right;  you  are  a 
heroine."     And  George  goes  to  his  work  "  with 


SEGOXDAR  Y  ELEMENTS  IX  TRUE  HOME-LIFE.    197 

a  will,"  perhaps  calculating  mentally  what  per- 
sonal expenses  he  can  well  drop  for  the  sake 
of  so  noble  a  wife.  True  Christian  prudence 
lives  within  assured  means,  and  aims  at  a  margin 
for  contingencies  after  setting  aside  a  portion 
for  the  highest  uses.  "  I  cannot  afford  a  seat 
in  church,"  said  one  who  drove  an  equipage 
never  affected  by  the  pastor.  This  is  bad, 
even  as  a  matter  of  ordinary  wisdom.  Let 
God  be  honored  with  a  fitting  proportion  of 
one's  means  or  earnings,  as  the  case  may  be, 
and  his  blessing  will  attend  the  employment 
of  the  rest.  "  I  do  not  know  how  it  is ;  I 
cannot  tell  where  the  money  goes,"  said  a 
showy  member  of  "  society."  "  Well,  at  any 
rate,"  said  her  matter-of-fact  kinswoman,  "it 
does  not  go  to  the  church  or  the  missions; 
better  perhaps  if  it  did."  "  Honor  the  Lord 
with  thy  substance,  and  with  the  firstfruits 
of  all  thine  increase :  so  shall  thy  barns  be 
filled  with  plenty,  and  thy  presses  shall  burst 
out  with  new  wine."*  One  of  the  most  gen- 
erous givers  I  ever  knew,  one  who  led  the  way 
in   some   degree   in    Christian    liberality,   who 

*  Prov.  3  :  9,  10 


198  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

seemed  to  a  friend  to  go  even  beyond  the  limits 
of  prudence,  was  asked  by  him,  "  Does  your 
fortune  increase  at  this  rate?"  Raising  his 
foot,  and  pressing  it  down  as  if  to  keep  some- 
thing from  rising,  he  said,  "  I  cannot  keep  it 
down."  It  was  like  a  fountain  springing  up, 
whether  he  would  or  not.  Why  have  not 
others  a  like  experience  ? 

Does  any  one  ask  how  such  prudence  is  to 
be  gained  ?     We  may  get  a  hint  from  Cowper  : 

"Wisdom  and  goodness  are  twin-born  ;  one  heart 
Must  hold  both  sisters,  never  seen  apart." 

We  may  get  another  from  Goethe  :  "  Wisdom 
is  only  in  truth."  All  else  is  cunning,  often 
shallow,  and  never  elevating.  Wordsworth  is 
right  when  he  says  : 

"  Wisdom  is  ofttimes  nearer  when  we  stoop 
Than  when  we  soar." 

But  Bayard  Taylor  carries  us  farthest : 

"  The  stream  from  wisdom's  well 
Which  God  supplies  is  inexhaustible." 

The  last  word,  then,  may  well  be  from  the 
apostle  James  (1:5):  "If  any  of  you  lack 
wisdom,  let  him  ask  of  God,  that  giveth  to  all 


SECOND AB  Y  ELEMENTS  IN  Tit  UE  HOME-LIFE.    1 99 

men  liberally,  and  upbraideth  not ;  and  it  shall 
be  given  him." 

We  place  gentleness  near  prudence  in  the 
list  of  the  secondary  virtues  of  the  home.  It 
gives  the  right  tone  to  one's  voice.  It  checks 
sharpness  without  an  effort.  It  tranquillizes 
other  minds  when  disturbed  over  small  vexa- 
tions. It  keeps  away  gossiping  criticism  and 
cynical  sharpness.  The  virtue  that  is  mainly 
displayed  in  the  censure  of  others'  vices  feels 
that  no  response  can  be  drawn  from  true 
gentleness.  It  tells  on  all  within  the  home. 
A  self-asserting  maid  with  an  exaggerated 
estimate  of  her  place,  and  a  higher  idea  of  her 
rights  than  of  her  duties,  is  surprised,  and,  if 
there  is  any  good  in  her,  delighted,  to  find  that 
a  gentle  employer  takes  her  into  the  family, 
feels  interest  in  her  as  a  fellow  creature  and 
a  woman.  So  it  serves,  as  Martensen  puts  it, 
"  to  draw  domestic  servants  into  closer  connec- 
tion with  the  family,  to  make  them  members 
of  the  household,  and  to  restore,  in  place  of 
the  merely  legal  relation  now  existing,  a  moral 
relation  of  mutual  fidelity  and  trustful  devo- 
tion."      "  She's    a   raal   lady,    she   is,   and   I 


200  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

wouldn't  vex  her  for  the  worrald,"  was  the 
way  one  who  had  never  read  the  Christian 
Ethics  expressed  and  illustrated  its  influence. 

This  gentleness  tells  widely  in  a  circle  of 
friends.  A  married  person  conies  into  a  new 
relation  to  the  kindred  of  the  other,  with  every 
variety  of  tone,  feeling  and  character.  It  is 
not  in  human  nature  to  take  them  all,  in  a  mass 
and  alike,  to  the  heart.  But  gentleness  is  civil 
to  all ;  it  responds  to  the  good  in  all ;  it  does 
not  avow  scorn  and  hatred  where  it  feels  no 
love;  it  can  even  "wink  hard"  and  not  see 
dead  flies  that  spoil  the  ointment.  It  over- 
comes evil  with  good.  It  actually  softens 
those  with  whom  it  comes  into  contact ;  and  in 
its  atmosphere  those  plagues  and  pests  of  life, 
family  quarrels,  lose  their  malignant  power  to 
blight  and  curse.  It  dictates  a  true  hospitality, 
not  that  which  gives  an  entertainment  where 
ostentation  and  the  enormous  expense  are  the 
leading  features,  but  that  which  brings  together 
and  sets  at  ease  the  stranger,  the  people  who 
are  the  better  for  knowing  one  another,  and  the 
friendless.  Such  is  the  hospitality  of  the 
Scriptures.     It   is    possible   to   receive    one's 


SECONDARY  ELEMENTS  IN  TRUE  HOME-L  TFE.    _     | 

"  dear  five  hundred  friends  "  without  one  grain 
of  hospitality  in  the  act,  or  one  element  of  true 
friendship.  Gentleness  lays  the  basis  of  true 
friendly  association  in  its  sincerity,  its  reticence 
where  "silence  is  golden,"  its  repression  of 
self  in  its  hearty  appreciation  of  others.  Alas  ! 
alas  !  as  the  years  advance,  and  cares  multiply, 
and  death  desolates,  the  range  of  one's  heart- 
associations  becomes  more  and  more  limited ; 
but  true  gentleness  clings  to  the  long-known 
and  well-tried  with  "  fidelity  which  owns  their 
frailties,  but  also  appreciates  their  excellences." 
It  was  natural  for  Cicero,  Aristotle  and  others 
— great  and  noble  in  many  things — to  write 
much  of  friendship.  They  did  not  know  the  com- 
munion of  saints,  the  brotherhood  of  believers. 
The  Scriptures  assume  this  and  give  us  no 
treatise  on  friendship.  But  they  give  us 
Jonathan  and  David,  Paul  and  Barnabas,  with 
their  long  co-operation  and  their  one  sharp  con- 
tention, for  they  were  human.  They  give  us, 
above  all,  the  Redeemer  and  the  disciple  whom 
he  loved,  and  they  put  the  crown  of  a  true 
glory  on  their  fellowship  when  the  Master, 
divine  and  yet  human,  says,  "  I  call  you  not 


A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

servants  ;  for  the  servant  knoweth  not  what  his 
lord  doeth  :  but  I  have  called  you  friends."  So 
the  true  gentleness  is  not  all  aglow  with 
emotion  to-day  and  cold  as  an  iceberg  to- 
morrow. It  is  not  an  Arctic  winter  to  old 
friends  and  a  heat  that  is  oppressive  to  the 
new.  It  is  the  genuine,  unconscious,  spon- 
taneous response  of  a  true  nature  to  the  coun- 
sel of  Scripture,  "  Thine  own  friend,  and  thy 
father's  friend,  forsake  not."* 

So  far  we  have  noticed  the  duties  incum- 
bent on  the  heads  of  families,  who  naturally 
fix  in  a  good  degree,  at  least  in  the  first  in- 
stance, the  society  and  the  kind  of  friends  who 
will  influence  themselves  in  a  variety  of  ways, 
and  who  still  more  influence  their  children. 
But  there  are  qualities  in  the  members  of  a 
family — towards  their  head  and  towards  one 
another — on  the  cultivation  of  which  much  of 

*  On  this  practical  matter  in  most  lives  it  is  well  to  study 
such  passages  as  Prov.  17  :  17 ;  19,  6  ;  27  :  6,  9,  14,  17,  and 
such  portions  as  Rom.  16  :  1-16.  What  a  glimpse  of  a  great 
man's  tenderness,  "  Salute  Rufus  chosen  in  the  Lord,  and 
his  mother  and  mine."  How  little  they  know  the  Bible  who 
iind  in  it  no  pure  "  sentiment,"  no  tender  friendships,  no 
"  humanity."     It  is  full  of  the  true  humanity. 


SECONDAR  Y  ELEMENTS  IN  TR  UE  HOME-LIFE.    203 

the  sweetness  and  light  of  a  home  will  depend. 
On  the  one  side  there  is  authority;  on  the 
other  there  is  to  be  subordination.  On  the  one 
side  the  authority  is  to  be  employed  with 
gentleness  and  unselfish  wisdom.  "  I  require 
you  to  obey,  not  to  gratify  my  self-love,  but 
because  it  is  God's  will,  and  it  is  for  your 
good,"  is  the  tone  of  a  wise  father.*  The 
obedience  is  to  be  cheerful,  to  be  rendered  not 
by  constraint,  but  willingly.  Friction  is  out 
of  the  question.  Sullen  obedience  is  not 
obedience  at  all ;  and  to  render  it  with  the  air 

*  A  mistake  is  sometimes  made  by  sincere  and  conscien- 
tious parents  in  dealing  with  their  children.  They  "harp" 
upon  trifles  in  bearing,  demeanor,  speech,  in  the  presence  of 
the  family  and  of  others.  They  mean  to  be  faithful,  but 
they  defeat  their  own  ends.  A  word  spoken  to  a  spirited 
boy  by  himself,  implying  respect  for  his  feelings,  will  be 
more  effective  than  fifty  such  repetitions  of  a  rebuke  like 
"  Charlie,  why  will  you  put  your  elbow  on  the  table  ?"  On 
the  latter  plan  Charlie  will  be  apt  to  resent  secretly  the 
admonition,  and  to  please  himself  with  the  hope  of  a  coming 
time  when  he  can  do  as  he  likes,  or  even  "  speak  back." 
"A  word  fitly  spoken"  to  Charlie  alone  will  only  need  a 
kindly  glance  of  the  eye  to  supplement  it  if  he  forgets  him- 
self, and  to  keep  him  right,  and  it  will  be  les3  vexatious  to 
guests  and  others  at  the  table.  It  will  be  "like  apples  of 
gold  in  pictures  of  silver." 


204  A    CHRISTIAN  HOVE. 

of  a  martyr,  a  victim  to  tyranny,  is  among  tlie 
greatest  wrongs  possible  to  sensitive  and  affec- 
tionate parents. 

There  comes  a  time  in  the  advancing  years 
of  children  when  they  are  still  under  their 
parents'  roofs,  dependent,  more  or  less,  upon 
them,  but  being  "  of  age,"  they  are  not  ordered 
and  directed  as  in  the  time  of  pupilage.  It  is 
a  trying  time  to  many  a  parent.  "Are  my 
children  not  only  to  grow  up,  but  to  grow  away 
from  me  ?  Am  I  to  become  to  them  no  more 
than  any  other  acquaintances  they  have  ? — less 
perhaps  than  some  they  have  ?"  So  many  a 
fond  heart  has  asked,  and — with  a  sad  disen- 
chantment— has  heard  the  answer  in  the  af- 
firmative. Then  comes  such  pensiveness  as 
only  experience  of  life  brings,  and  which  divine 
grace  consecrates  into  a  desire  to  depart  and  be 
with  Christ,  which  is  far  better. 

"  I  came  at  morn — 'twas  spring.     I  smiled; 

The  fields  with  green  were  clad. 
I  walked  abroad  at  noon,  and  lo  1 

'Twas  summer.     I  was  glad. 
I  sat  me  down — 'twas  autumn  eve — 

And  I  with  sadness  wept. 
I  laid  me  down  at  night,  and  then 

'Twas  winter,  and  I  slept.'' 


SECONDAR  Y  ELEMENTS  IN  TRUE  HOME-LIFE.    205 

So  many  realize  the  autumn  when  their  chil- 
dren— like  Herbert's  flowers  in  his  hand,  to 
which  "time  did  beckon,  and  by  noon  their 
fragrance  stole  away  " — seem  to  give  out  their 
confidences  to  others,  no  longer  to  them. 
When  daughters  make  their  plans ;  when  sons 
come  and  go  with  no  volunteered  statement  of 
intention  or  of  results;  when  parents  wait  till  the 
midnight  hour  for  their  children,  and  hear  from 
them  nothing  of  where  they  have  been  or  what 
they  have  been  doing,  any  more  than  if  they 
were  the  lodging-house  keepers ;  when  ques- 
tions reluctantly  put  drag  out  abrupt  and 
meaningless  answers. — then,  though  they  do 
not  mean  it,  they  are  killing  the  true  home- 
life,  and  laying  cruel  burdens  on  lives  less 
elastic  than  they  once  were,  from  the  very 
cares  and  struggles  of  which  these  children 
now  reap  the  advantage.  "  What  is  the  matter 
with  father  ?"  He  seemed  silent  and  depressed. 
"Is  he  not  well?"  Yes,  he  was  well  enough, 
but  the  son  who  put  the  question  had  been  off 
for  several  days,  and  did  not  think  it  worth 
while  to  say  where  or  why.  Oh,  ye  sons  and 
daughters,  who  will  never  know  until  the  years 


206  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

teach  you  the  cares  and  solicitudes  through 
which  you  have  become  what  you  are,  study  to 
be  as  gentle,  as  considerate,  as  confiding  to  your 
parents  in  their  places  as  you  are  to  acquaint- 
ances and  friends  in  theirs.  Girls,  you  will 
never  have  so  disinterested  friends  as  your 
parents.  Others  will  flatter  you;  they  will 
tell  you  the  truth  in  love.  Let  them  be  your 
nearest,  most  trusted  friends — your  mothers 
your  closest  confidantes  until  you  owe  alle- 
giance in  another  home.  Young  men,  there 
are  things,  doubtless,  which  you  know  better 
than  your  fathers,  for  of  course  this  generation 
is  enormously  in  advance  of  its  poor  prede- 
cessor ;  but  there  are  things  known  to  them  by 
experience  that  are  not  taught  in  school  or  col- 
lege, nor  weighed  among  your  friends ;  and — 
apart  from  the  duty  you  owe  them,  apart  from 
the  obligation  which  a  true  chivalry  suggests  to 
give  loving  confidence  for  loving  confidence — 
it  is  wise  for  you  to  avail  yourself  of  their  un- 
selfish, perhaps  dearly-bought,  wisdom.  "  He 
was  my  son,  and  I  leaned  on  him ;  he  was  my 
friend,  too,  and  he  trusted  me."  So  said  an 
aged  father  when  he  heard  the  news  of  the 


SECOND  A  R  Y  EL  EM  EN  TS  IN  TR  UE  HOME-LIFE.    207 

death  of  one  of  the  bravest  and  purest  of  young 
men.  From  the  want  of  this  many  a  spirit  has 
been  hungry,  and  life  has  been  clouded  in  its 
later  time,  for 

"  The  day  drags  through,  though  storms  keep  out  the  sun ; 
And  thus  the  heart  will  break,  yet  brokenly  live  on." 

Wisdom,  in  things  secular  and  prosaic,  toward 
self,  toward  them  that  are  without,  toward  the 
present  and  the  coming ;  gentleness  toward  one 
another  and  all  around ;  and  confidence,  mutual, 
unreserved,  and  to  the  end, — these  are  speci- 
mens of  the  secondary  virtues  which  realize 
this  pleasant  picture. 

"  By  the  fireside  still  the  light  is  shining, 
The  children's  arms  round  the  parents  twining  ; 
From  love  so  sweet,  oh,  who  would  roam  ? 
Be  it  ever  so  homely,  home  is  home." 

It  would  be  easy,  of  course,  to  add  to  the 
catalogue  of  secondary  virtues  needed,  and  to 
be  cultivated,  in  the  home.  We  might  urge 
the  value  of  sincerity  as  opposed  to  mannerism, 
— conventional  profession  closely  akin  to  lying. 
The  place  of  industry  and  activity  might  be  de- 
fined, and  the  value  of  these  qualities,  with 
the  allied  virtues  of  economy,  thrift  and  fore- 


208  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

thought,  might  be  strongly  stated.  "  I  am  of 
opinion,"  says  Tholuck,  "that  they  are  right 
who  affirm  that  divine  wisdom  has  ordained  the 
trades  and  professions  of  this  earth  for  three 
wise  purposes.  In  the  first  place,  that  crafts- 
men and  artists  may  devise  ever  more  and 
more  beautiful  and  perfect  forms  with  which  to 
invest  matter  to  the  glory  of  God,  who  has 
endowed  the  spirit  of  man  with  all  such  skill 
and  knowledge;  secondly,  to  exercise  our 
brotherly  love  in  making  life  more  pleasing 
and  delightful,  inasmuch  as  in  such  matters  we 
must  be  beholden  to  each  other ;  and  finally, 
for  the  furtherance  and  accomplishment,  as  far 
as  practicable,  of  wise  and  pious  designs  both 
in  civil  life  and  in  the  church,  whether  tending 
to  the  welfare  of  the  body  or  to  that  of  the 
soul."*  Good  habits,  useful  employments,  do- 
mestic and  social  virtues,  are  not  themselves 
religion,  just  as  health,  vigor  and  activity  are 
not  life ;  but  they  are  capacities  which  it  is 
wise  and  right  for  the  living  to  guard  and  to 
cultivate. 

On  one  field  for  the  exercise  of  the  virtues 

*  "  Hours  of  Christian  Devotion,"  p.  376. 


SECOND AR  Y  ELEMENTS  IN  TR  UE  HOME-LIFE.    209 

indicated  we  have  not  dwelt,  though  it  is  spec- 
ially inviting,  namely,  the  gentle,  elevating, 
helpful  influence  older  children  can  exercise 
over  the  younger.  To  see  a  young  girl  recog- 
nized as  a  "  second  mother  "  by  the  boys  and 
girls  whom  she  aids  and  enourages  in  all  good- 
ness, to  see  an  older  son  so  carry  himself  that 
a  younger  boy  says,  "  I  will  not  do "  a  mean 
thing  "  because  my  brother  George  does  not 
think  it  nice  " — these  are  attractive  spectacles. 
Fathers  and  mothers  are  helped  by  such  power 
over  their  children,  and  the  furnishing  of  it 
blesses  both  giver  and  receiver. 


"  Among  the  vices  there  exists  a  mutual  connection,  and  one 
easily  leads  to  another.  The  three  chief  attractions  of  sin 
are  closely  related,  and  have  a  power  of  attraction  for  each 
other.  They  mutually  entwine  into  each  other  like  twigs  of 
the  same  tree  (of  egoism),  and  grow  out  of  each  other." 


CHAPTER  XI. 

ENEMIES    OF    THE    HOME. 

Infected  walls — Poisoned  atmosphere — Ruined  life — "  Dan- 
gerous"— "  Poison'' — Disorder — Some  one  to  reflect  upon 
— Recrimination — Home  regulation — Patience  with  the 
learners — The  easy  descent — Children  ruined — Extrava- 
gance— A  bad  brotherhood — Intemperance — Injury  to  the 
innocent — "  Those  brothers  of  hers'" — Bonds  of  hospitality, 
chains  of  tyranny — The  apostle's  ground — Ill-temper — "A 
hell  upon  earth" — Piety  at  home — Not  religion — Starving 
parents — Wide  religious  divergences  —  How  to  guard 
against  them — A  four-fold  duty. 

One  of  the  most  valuable  institutions  for  the 
poor  of  a  great  city  had  to  be  closed.  Its  funds 
were  ample;  its  officers  were  capable;  its 
friends  were  many.  Those  who  needed  it  were 
clamorous  with  the  question,  When  will  its 
doors  be  open  again  ?  The  reason  was  that  the 
germs  of  a  dangerous  disease  had  gained  pos- 
session of  the  very  plaster  of  the  Avails.  They 
had  to  be  stripped,  scraped  and  replastered 
before  the  beneficiaries  could  be  admitted  with- 
out the  risk  of  catching  the  fever. 

A  family  whose  members  had  long  enjoyed 

(211)    " 


.1    CHE  IS Tl AN  HOME. 

health,  and  whose  habits  were  promo- 
tive of  its  preservation,  began  to  show  signs  of 
suffering  and  debility.  Unaccountable  languor, 
feverishnesa  and  debility  came  on  one  after 
another.  An  examination  of  the  dwelling  dis- 
closed the  fact  that  stagnant  water  under  the 
foundations  of  the  house,  and  which  should 
have  been  earned  away,  poisoned  the  atmos- 
phere they  breathed  night  and  day.  Subtle, 
intangible  and  constant  in  its  influence,  it  was 
doing  its  mischievous  work,  till  now  unnoticed 
and  unknown.  In  a  popular  book  of  one  of 
our  masters  in  works  of  imagination,  the  peace 
and  comfort  of  an  able,  successful  and  useful 
public  man  are  destroyed  by  a  calamity  which 
he  labors  long  and  painfully  to  conceal  from 
his  only  child.  Her  mother,  his  wife,  beginning 
with  a  doctor's  prescription,  has  become  the 
slave  of  narcotics  and  the  creature  of  an  un- 
principled pair  who  use  her  for  the  extortion  of 
money  for  their  own  ends.  These  are  illustra- 
tions of  the  forms  in  which  the  moral  health 
of  a  family  ma}'  be  ruined,  and  misery  may 
come  to  fill  a  home  that  ought  to  be  radiant 
with  light   and   fragrant   with    sweetness.     It 


ENEMIES   OF    THE  HOME.  213 

may  serve  some  good  end  to  devote  this  chap- 
ter to  the  mention  of  a  few  of  the  elements  of 
evil  against  which  the  wise  will  be  on  their 
watch.  In  our  cities  the  word  "dangerous" 
is  sometimes  displayed  where  unsafe  buildings 
stand,  or  where  preparations  for  building  are  in 
progress.  The  druggist  is  required  to  guard 
from  accident  by  poisonous  drugs  by  care  in 
giving  and  in  marking  them.  Gladly  would 
we  make  our  readers  quick  to  discern,  and 
prompt  to  throw  off,  those  dangerous  elements 
which  poison  the  life-blood  of  the  family  and 
destroy  the  happiness  of  its  members. 

Beginning  with  the  less  perilous,  disorder 
may  be  specified.  Quiet  and  harmony  are  the 
product  of  forethought,  arrangement  and  co- 
operation. If  the  first  and  second  be  wanting 
in  the  heads  of  the  family,  or  if  the  third  be 
denied  by  the  members  of  it,  there  will  be  a 
constant  loss  of  home  enjoyment.  No  one  can 
tell  where  a  much-needed  article  is  to  be  had, 
and  each  is  ready  to  blame  the  other.  The 
meals  are  "movable  feasts,"  and  it  is  difficult 
to  time  them  and  at  the  same  time  keep  fixed 
engagements.    So  they  become  not  feasts  at  all, 


214  ^    CHRIST  I  AX   HOME. 

but  scrambles  where  it  is  difficult  to  at  once 
satisfy  hunger  and  maintain  good  humor. 
There  is  no  want,  possibly ;  there  is  constant 
waste,  perhaps  ;  but  there  is  no  comfort.  It  is 
somebody's  fault ;  so  insinuation,  reflection  and 
recrimination  destroy  the  flavor  of  the  best 
victuals  and  make  the  family  reunion  a  season 
of  discord.  The  weak  and  unhappy  always 
need  some  one  to  reflect  upon,  and  are  not 
always  just  in  discrimination.  If  there  be 
servants  they  witness,  and  indeed  sometimes 
suffer  from,  the  ill-temper.  Mothers  complain 
that  they  do  their  best,  but  no  one  is  satisfied. 
Sons  and  daughters  going  to  other  family-tables 
where  perhaps  every  oue  is  on  his  good  be- 
havior, and  where  due  preparation  has  been 
made  for  the  occasion,  notice  and  perhaps 
report  the   contrast.     "Why  cannot  we  have 

things  as  Mrs. has  them  ?"    "  Because  we 

have  not  Mrs. 's  family  to  do  as  they  are 

desired,  and  to  be  a  little  thoughtful  about 
others,"  is  the  retort;  and  so  the  firing  and 
cross-firing  proceed  where  all  should  be  peace 
and  love. 

"  Order  is  heaven  s  first  law,"  says  Pope,  in 


ENEMIES   OF    THE  HOME.  215 

another  connection,  and  if  it  be  disregarded  in 
the  home,  it  will  work  evil  no  less  than  in  the 
church  or  in  the  state.  Education  is  becoming 
more  practical ;  but  much  is  yet  to  be  done  in 
this  direction,  and  no  small  benefit  would  be 
rendered  to  society  by  any  one  who  would 
introduce  into  female  schools  elementary  les- 
sons on  such  practical  matters  as  the  manage- 
ment and  regulation  of  the  home.  The  married 
man — accustomed  to  have  his  wishes  attended 
to  by  paid  labor,  weary  in  his  work,  perhaps, 
with  little  notion  of  the  multiplicity  of  small 
and  vexatious  details  to  which  a  wife  at  the 
head  of  a  house  must  attend — comes  to  his 
home  and  finds  something  other  than  he 
desired.  His  wife  is  his  equal ;  he  cannot 
assert  his  rights  as  he  did  elsewhere,  but  he 
notes  and  perhaps  describes  the  contrast.  "  He 
is  sorry  he  married  me,"  is  the  instinctive 
thought  in  the  weary  woman's  mind,  and  per- 
haps finds  its  way  to  her  lips ;  and  so  where 
love  and  confidence  were  hoped  for  the  blight  of 
bitterness  begins  already.  Men  and  women  take 
a  little  time  to  learn  the  "  way  of  managing ;" 
a  little  patience  with  them  is  to  be  exercised 


216  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

while  they  are  mastering  the  lesson ;  but  it  is 
as  much  a  duty  to  study  and  maintain  order 
in  the  house  as  to  maintain  cleanliness  or 
decorum. 

The  disorder  is  sometimes  due  to  another 
bad  element,  for  which  it  is  difficult  to  find 
a  fitting  name.  When  the  Old  Testament 
prophet  would  describe  a  dangerous  character, 
these  are  among  the  lineaments  :  "  Yea  also,  be- 
cause he  transgresseth  by  wine,  he  is  a  proud 
man,  neither  keepeth  at  home"  (Hab.  2:5). 
And  when  the  apostle  describes  what  the 
young  women  should  be,  these  are  among  the 
features  :  "  discreet,  chaste,  keepers  at  home  " 
(Tit.  2:5).  But  when  the  heads  of  houses, 
male  or  female,  are  "hardly  ever  at  home," 
when  arrangements  are  left  to  make  themselves, 
when  the  slender  discretion  of  children  or 
servants  is  trusted  to  settle  things,  it  is  not 
strange  if  family  peace  and  quiet  should  suffer. 
Here  it  is  that  "  society "  needs  to  be  wisely 
dealt  with.  It  is  conscienceless  in  its  demands. 
A  Christian  parent  sacrifices  the  gravest  inter- 
ests where  "  society "  is  permitted  to  occupy 
the  time,  attention  and  energy  needed  by  the 


ENEMIES   OF    THE  HOME.  217 

family.  And  here  it  is  that  women  need  to 
have  resources  of  their  own  in  books  and  in 
womanly  employments,  so  that  it  shall  not  be 
needful  to  rush  around  and  draw  upon  the  out- 
side world  for  enjoyment.  Many  a  household 
would  be  saved  to  truth  and  purity  if  this  in- 
capacity had  not  led  to  the  search  for  outside  en- 
joyments. Thus  infected  and  unhealthy  regions 
are  visited ;  contagious  moral  diseases  are  con- 
tracted and  carried  into  the  dwelling.  The 
mother  cannot  be  "always  moping  at  home" 
while  such  forms  of  enjoyment  invite  her  out- 
side. She  states  and  defends  her  course.  Her 
sons  and  her  daughters  have  her  principles,  in 
this  regard,  illustrated  and  enforced  by  her 
example.  They  "better  the  instruction,"  and 
they  are  not  limited  by  considerations  of  pru- 
dence and  by  some  duties  that  demand  her 
attention.  What  is  in  her  a  taste  is  in  them  a 
passion.  They  go  further  than  she  ever  con- 
templated, and  to  her  remonstrances  they  may 
reply — and  in  point  of  fact  they  sometimes  do 
— "  Why,  we  are  only  following  where  you  led 
us.  We  go  further  than  you  do,  you  say.  Oh 
yes !  we   are  young,  and  you — well,  you  are 


21S  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

older."  Many  a  family  has  had  one  or  more 
of  its  members  ruined  through  their  steady 
descent  on  the  inclined  plane  on  which  their 
parents,  in  the  first  instance,  placed  them. 

It  is  easy  to  see  how  extravagance  can  ruin  a 
home.  Most  persons  living  in  legitimate  ways 
(we  do  not  include  gamblers)  can  form  a  defi- 
nite idea  of  the  means  which  they  can  with 
prudence  and  propriety  spend.  It  is  commonly 
well  to  leave  a  margin  against  contingencies. 
Extravagance  in  most  cases  is  chargeable  when 
this  estimate  is  exceeded.  Hopeful  calculations 
are  made  regarding  increased  means.  Some- 
thing is  expected  to  turn  up;  the  outlay  of 
money,  which  is  really  borrowed  in  one  form  or 
other,  is  supposed  to  be  an  investment  that 
will  "  pay  "  in  other  forms  ;  and  thus  families 
are  led  into  style  and  expenditure  beyond  their 
means.  One  or  other  of  the  joint  heads  of  the 
house  may  have  qualms  about  it,  and  even 
remonstrate,  perhaps  blaming  the  other,  and 
then  an  element  of  discord  is  introduced.  The 
temptation  to  cut  off  all  benevolent  work  is 
irresistible,  unless,  indeed,  a  display  of  easy 
means  is  thought  needful  to  cover  up  the  actual 


ENEMIES   OF    THE   HOME.  219 

facts  of  the  case.  The  rich  possession  of  self- 
respect  is  meantime  lost.  The  temptation  to 
remedy  the  evil  is  sometimes  too  strong  for  a 
man,  as  we  see  by  the  melancholy  defalcations 
reported  in  the  newspapers,  and  the  money  of 
others  is  taken  to  meet  urgent  demands,  or 
possibly  to  be  used  for  rapid  gains  in  some 
tempting  form  of  speculative  gambling.  In  a 
certain  proportion  of  cases  the  conclusion  is 
reached  at  length,  "It  is  only  a  question  of 
time  when  we  shall  break  clown.  We  may  as 
well  go  on.  It  matters  little  whether  the 
debts  be  nine  thousand,  or  nineteen,  or  ninety 
— in  fact  the  bigger  the  failure  the  less  dis- 
graceful it  is,  commonly."  And  where  a  crisis 
is  avoided,  and  no  exposure  ever  takes  place, 
the  evil  is  transmitted  in  many  cases  to  the 
next  generation.  There  is  inability  to  live 
within  the  means  enjoyed ;  and  to  both  men 
and  women,  and  the  latter  especially,  this  very 
incapacity  is  not  only  the  way  to  ruin,  but 
even  the  justification  of  it.  "  I  could  not  live 
on  the  little  I  had,  as  I  was  brought  up — what 
could  I  do  ?"  No  man  has  been  a  quarter  of 
a  century   in   any  of  the  professions   without 


220  -1    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

having  seen  tragedies  too  sad  to  be  detailed,  the 
indirect  results  of  the  bad  example  of  parents 
and  defective  training,  in  this  department,  of 
their  children. 

The  father  and  mother  who  have  courage  to 
face  the  facts  of  their  life,  in  this  regard,  de- 
serve encouragement,  for 

•  the  world  no  bugbear  is  so  great 
As  want  of  figure  and  a  small  estate."' 

Let  them  be  able  to  say  wisely  and  firmly. 
"  We  cannot  afford  it;  so  it  would  not  be  right," 
and  they  save  themselves  trouble ;  they  culti- 
vate a  lawful  self-respect  that  strengthens 
character;  and  they  inspire  children  with  a 
feeling  that  checks  the  beginning  of  many  an 
evil.  The  man  or  woman,  for  example,  who 
cannot  afford  to  marry  but  for  money,  and  who 
"  makes  a  good  match,"  has  robbed  life  of  half 
its  richness  at  the  very  outset."'1 

*  Many  a  life  has  been  injured  by  the  impression  early 
made  upon  it  that  the  opinion  of  a  certain  set  is  the  guide  to 
human  conduct.  Many  another  has  been  made  strong  and 
dignified  by  learning  that  "none  is  judge  but  God."  The 
protestation  of  Job  is  worth  studying  by  those  to  whom 
society  is  as  deity,  and  "  bad  form  "  is  worse  than  a  breach 
of  the  decalogue  :  "  Did  I  fear  a  great  multitude,  or  did  the 


ENEMIES   OF    THE  HOME.  221 

"  He  also  that  is  slothful  in  his  work  is  broth- 
er to  him  that  is  a  great  waster  "  (Prov.  IS  :  9). 
It  follows  that  they  who  would  keep  themselves 
and  their  children  out  of  this  bad  brotherhood 
— of  the  indolent  and  the  wasteful — will  try  to 
possess  and  inculcate  the  opposite  and  the  posi- 
tive qualities  of  energy,  activity,  industry  and 
prudence.* 

Of  intemperance  as  the  quick  destroyer  of 
home  happiness  little  need  be  said  in  the 
way  of  argument  or  illustration.  Disgrace, 
divorces,  infamy  for  women,  suicide — these  are 

contempt  of  families   terrify  me,  that  I  kept  silence,    and 
went  not  out  of  the  door?" 

*  One  who  has  lived  on  both  sides  of  the  Atlantic,  and  has 
had  his  eyes  open  to  the  influences  that  tell  on  families  and 
communities,  can  see  and  can  speak  of  things  which  others 
do  not  notice  or  hesitate  to  characterize.  There  is  growing 
up,  especially  in  our  cities  and  where  "  wealth  accumulates 
and  men  decay,"  a  tendency  to  an  unreasoning,  silly  and 
mischievous  imitation  of  the  ways  of  "fashionable  life"  in 
the  mother-countries.  Horse-racing,  games  implying  betting, 
foi'ins  of  amusement  and  entertainment,  public  and  private, 
which  the  best  people  of  the  old  world  deplore  as  corrupting 
and  weakening,  are  being  accepted  without  much  question. 
Less  than  a  generation  will  show  the  moral  and  social  effects 
of  this  course — the  reverse  of  nearly  all  that  has  contributed 
to  American  greatness. 


222  -A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

among  the  salient  products  of  this  vice.  In 
many  instances  the  parents  do  not  go  to  excess. 
They  put  no  hindrance  in  the  way  of  their 
children ;  and  perhaps  while  under  their  eyes 
and  roofs,  no  evil  comes  to  sons  or  daughters. 
But  the  habit  grows ;  dependence  on  stimulants 
is  cultivated.  There  is  perhaps  a  peculiarly 
social  nature.  Possibly  there  is,  or  is  supposed 
to  be,  an  organization  that  requires  something 
invigorating.  Perhaps  a  doctor  orders  it.  And 
so  before  middle  life  has  been  reached  the  serv- 
ant has  become  the  master,  and  the  tyranny 
of  strong  drink  is  seen  in  feebleness  of  mind, 
extravagances,  waywardness  and  fickleness  of 
moods,  disease  and  death.  One  member  of  a 
family  thus  enslaved  can  be  the  skeleton  in  the 
closet  to  all  the  household.  Mothers  try  to  hide 
the  evil.  Sisters  blush,  fear  and  pity.  At  a  later 
time  they  despise,  and  with  good  reason  dislike, 
the  brothers  who,  in  ruining  themselves,  have 
injured  them  also.  More  than  one  family  of 
amiable  and  capable  girls  has  the  writer  known 
whose  prospects  in  life  were,  as  far  as  one 
could  judge,  blighted  by  such  miserable  crim- 
inals.    "  I  like  her  very  much ;  she  is  every- 


ENEMIES   OF   THE  HOME.  223 

thing  one  could  wish ;  but  I  don't  want  to  be 
brought  so  near  those  brothers  of  hers." 

This  is  not  the  place  in  which  to  discuss  the 
temperance  question.  It  is  proper  enough  for 
citizens  to  consider  "  prohibition ;"  it  is  a  fair 
question  for  the  medical  men,  whether  on  the 
whole  stimulants  do  physical  good;  but  we 
are  not  here  required  to  defend  any  other 
ground  than  the  apostle  Paul  lays  down.  If 
meat  be  a  stumbling-block  to  a  brother,  then 
will  he  forego  it  (1  Cor.  8  :  13).  "It  is  good 
neither  to  eat  flesh,  nor  to  drink  wine,  nor 
any  tiling  whereby  thy  brother  stumbleth,  or  is 
offended,  or  is  made  weak"  (Rom.  14  :  21). 
Granted  that  the  application  of  all  this  was 
originally  to  questions  of  seeming  endorsement 
of  idolatry,  the  principle  is  no  less  strong 
when  it  is  not  "  a  brother  "  but  a  child ;  and  it 
is  not  the  raising  of  an  uncomfortable  religious 
scruple  that  is  in  question,  but  the  forming  of 
a  habit  in  which  the  bonds  of  hospitality  and 
good  fellowship  harden  into  the  chains  of  a 
remorseless  and  life-destroying  tyranny. 

Ill-temper  is  one  of  the  incidental  attendants 
on  drinking  habits,  but  it  sometimes  exists  by 


224  -^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

itself;  and  it  has  the  power  to  becloud  the  sky 
of  families  otherwise  most  happily  situated. 
The  father  is  sometimes  sharp,  or  savage,  or 
sullen.  The  mother  is  peevish,  fault-finding, 
and  inclined  to  relieve  her  own  vexed  spirit  by- 
feeble  despotism  among  children  or  servants. 
A  son  has  "  a  temper  of  his  own."  A  daughter 
is  not  easily  quieted  if  once  aroused.  Her 
tongue  is  keen  and  unrestrained.  Let  us  pity 
gentle  spirits  bound  to  such  tormentors.  "  My 
soul  is  among  lions  :  and  I  lie  even  among  them 
that  are  set  on  fire,  even  the  sons  of  men, 
whose  teeth  are  spears  and  arrows,  and  their 
tongue  a  sharp  sword."  This  is  the  Psalmist's 
language.  If  any  one  deems  it  querulous  ex- 
aggeration, he  does  not  know  human  nature. 

DC  ' 

To  the  present  writer  an  educated  woman,  un- 
married, in  middle  life  and  in  good  society, 
living  with  her  father,  sister  and  stepmother, 
having  to  make  some  statements  lost  control 
of  her  conventional  self,  and  when  some  con- 
solatory reference  was  made  to  her  home — 
"  Home !"  she  exclaimed  with  flashing  eye ; 
"  my  home  is  just  a  hell  upon  earth." 

Allied  in  some  degree  to  this  sad  defect  is 


ENEMIES   OF    THE  HOME.  225 

the  want  of  "piety  at  home"  (1  Tim.  5:4). 
Our  readers  do  not  need  to  be  reminded  that  it 
is  not  religion,  as  such,  that  is  here  urged,  but 
the  practical  gratitude  that  cares  for  aged  or 
infirm  or  needy  parents,  as  the  connection 
shows.  "  If  any  widow  hath  children  or  grand- 
children, let  them  learn  first  to  show  piety 
towards  their  own  family,  and  to  requite  their 
parents."*  Allusion  has  been  made  already  to 
this  duty,  and  we  do  not  here  dwell  on  it  ex- 
cept to  say  that  it  is  never  discharged  by  mere 
gifts  in  money  or  supply  of  material  comforts, 
good  as  these  are  in  their  place.  "  I  have 
rendered  to  every  one  his  due,"  says  one  who 
never  had  a  bill  protested,  never  was  in  a  law- 
court,  and  never  wronged  a  man  in  money. 
Ah  !  have  you  given  to  father  and  mother  the 
gentle  confidences,  the  tender  love,  they  used 
to  give  to  you  ?  or,  asserting  early  that  strong 
individualism  of  yours,  have  you  gone  on  your 
way,  even  while  under  their  roof,  as  though 
they  were  to  you  only  business  connections  ? 
If  you  have  done  this,  my  dear  sir,  you  have 
robbed  those  who  had  the  fii 'st  and  the  strongest 

*  Revised  Version. 
15 


HR  1ST  I  AX  HOME. 

claim  upon  you  of  those  treasure  apathy. 

fellowship   and  responsive  affection  of  which 

no  bank  takes   account,  and  which  no  mo 

can  purchase.     They  have  been  all  along  kind 

and  considerate  to  yon,  for  and 

they  wanted  to  do  their  whole  "  en  when 

they  were   craving  with  an  insatiable  hunger 

for  tenderness  and  trustful  feeling — the  true 

nutriment  of  human  hearts.     Of  children  who 

enjoy  ease  and  leave  parents  in  want,  it  is  not 

"ful  here  to  speak.     Their  case  needs  no 

osure. 

One  other  source  of  disquieti:  aetimes 

opened  up  in  a  home  through  wide  religious 

divergence  on  the  part  of  a  member  of  the 

Take  — not  standing  alone  by 

means — in  the  observation  of  the  writer. 

A  youth  has  among  his  acquaintance  - 

zealous  and  very  attractive  family  of  Roman 

Catholics.     He  inquires  ;  is  shown  their  views 

of  religious   life ;   is   bi  rcourse 

with  a  leader  of  well-used  powers  in  polemics ; 

and  goes  into  the  matter  in  that  state  of  mind. 

so  common  in  our  American  life,  that  knows  no 

particular  reason  for  being  Protestant,  and  that 


ENEMIES   OF   THE  HOME.  227 

counts  it  narrow  to  think  badly  of  any  religion. 
Step  by  step  he  advances  until  he  formally 
accepts  the  new  faith,  renounces,  in  secret  in- 
deed, his  family's,  and  holds  his  peace  on  the 
matter  till  an  accident  discloses  the  facts. 
Thenceforward  a  chasm  lies  between  him  and 
his  family.  The  subject  is  never  mentioned. 
He  goes  his  way;  the  rest  go  theirs.  The  most 
that  can  be  said  is  that  there  is  a  truce  on  the 
matter.  There  is  none  of  the  unity  in  which 
it  is  good  and  pleasant  for  brethren  to  dwell. 

If  one  asks  what  can  be  done  to  guard  against 
such  an  alienation,  the  direction  in  reply  must 
include  four  things.  Give  your  children  com- 
petent instruction  in  the  faith  you  hold ;  teach 
them  why  they  are  to  hold  it ;  illustrate  and 
commend  it  by  your  own  consistent  life ;  and 
finally,  keep  a  wise  and  watchful  oversight  of 
the  associations  and  companionships  of  those 
for  whose  training  you  are  answerable  before 
conscience,  before  the  world  and  before  the 
God  of  the  families  of  all  the  earth. 


u  It  matters  little  what  hour  o'  the  day 
The  righteous  falls  asleep  -.  death  cannot  come 
To  him  untimely  who  is  fit  to  die  ; 
The  less  of  the  cold  earth,  the  more  of  heaven  : 
The  briefer  life,  the  longer  immortality." 


CHAPTER  XII. 

OUR  FATHER'S .  HOUSE,  THE  HEAVENLY  HOME. 

Secularism — Christians  the  true  friends  of  the  age — The  real 
liberals — "  Free  thought'" — Believers  have  evidence — Ap- 
propriate— Adequate — Free  living — Revelation  made  the 
home — The  natural  craving — The  adequate  supply — Fount- 
ain forsaken — Broken  cisterns  set  up — Their  defect — The 
great  mutual  benefit  society  —  Terms  of  admission — 
"  Come  " — Education  in  what? — Unity  of  this  life  and  the 
next — "Plots  of  heaven" — Two  forms  of  connection — 
Gloom  below — Light  above — "  Light  affliction  " — "Weight 
of  glory — Preparation  for  enjoyment  of  heaven — Recogni- 
tion in  heaven. 

The  reader  who  has  kindly  accompanied  the 
writer  thus  far  in  an  humble  effort  to  promote 
domestic  goodness  and  purity  will  be  disap- 
pointed if  a  touching  and  eloquent  exhibition 
of  heavenly  life  is  expected  in  this  final  chap- 
ter. There  is  no  such  object  before  the  writer's 
mind.  We  confine  ourselves  to  the  theme  in 
hand,  and  point  reverently  toward  heaven  as 
the  great  theme  comes  into  the  discussion  of 
our  subject.  It  has  been  dealt  with  by  other 
and  more  competent  authorities.  Its  essential 
glories,  its  contrasts  with  the  limitations  of  the 

(229) 


230  A    CHRISTIAX  HOME. 

present,  its  high  employments,  its  holy  enjoy- 
ments— these  have  employed  the  minds  and 
cheered  the  hearts  of  multitudes.  We  think 
now  of  heaven  as  it  rises  before  the  view  of 
one  occupied  with  the  right  regulation  of  the 
home  on  earth,  and  we  would  fain  remove  the 
mischievous  impression  that  religion  is  largely 
sentimental  and  speculative,  that  Christian  hope 
is  dreamy,  and  that  something  more  directly 
practical  and  more  closely  bearing  on  every- 
day life  is  needed  than  New  Testament  piety 
furnishes.  Let  us  look  at  some  of  the  forms 
in  which  this  unfair  view  has  been  suggested. 

(1)  An  Englishman  still  living  and  possess- 
ing much  influence  with  the  working  classes, 
from  his  life-long  efforts  in  their  behalf,  may 
be  credited  with  the  introduction  of  the  word 
"secularism."  Denying  that  we  have  any 
ground  for  positive  belief  in  the  unseen,  he 
aimed  at  the  formation  of  a  code  of  life,  apart 
from  theology,  influenced  by  which  men  would 
do  their  duty.  Duty,  and  not  the  pursuit  of 
happiness,  he  makes  the  end  of  life,  and  utility 
the  test  of  right.  He  hoped  to  give  men  a  rule 
of  conduct  founded  on  science  and  experience, 


0  UR  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   231 

through  observance  of  which  a  state  of  things 
would  be  reached  in  which  it  would  be  impos- 
sible for  man  to  be  poor  or  depraved,  and  in 
which  men  should  act  so  well  as  to  deserve 
another  life,  if  there  be  one.  The  aim  is  to 
lift  up  the  world  by  forces  entirely  within  the 
world  itself,  and  so  to  benefit  the  age.* 

Apart  from  the  impossibility  of  doing  this 
in  the  nature  of  things,  it  is  not  too  much  to 
say  that  Christianity  furnishes  the  true  secular- 
ism. It  inspires  to  the  doing  of  duty.  It 
furnishes  the  perfect  rule.  It  teaches  its  ad- 
herents to  serve  their  generation  (Acts  13 : 
36).  It  produces  the  pure  family,  and  so  finds 
the  material  for  good  citizens.  It  elevates  from 
poverty,  and  cheers  it  where  it  is  inevitable. 
It  reaches  the  seat  of  human  depravity  with 
its  offer  of  the  new  heart  and  the  right  spirit. 
It  finds  for  the  moral  world  what  the  great 
geometrician  desired  in  order  that  he  might 

*  There  is,  along  with  truth,  an  approach  to  wit  in  the 
statement  of  Canon  Liddon:  "That  man  should  raise  him- 
self was,  in  the  moral  order,  just  as  impossible  as  it  is, 
physically,  beyond  the  power  of  the  most  accomplished 
athlete  to  lift  himself  from  the  earth  by  the  waistband." — 
University  Sermons,  Second  Series,  p.  187. 


232  -1    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

move  the  material,  and  what  secularism  lacks 
— both  fulcrum  and  lever  sufficient  for  its  ele- 
vation. The  intelligent  and  faithful  Christian 
is  the  true  secularist.  He  aids  and  purifies 
this  world  by  bringing  it  "  under  the  power  of 
the  world  to  come." 

(2)  It  has  become  common  for  a  class  of  self- 
complacent  teachers  to  compliment  themselves 
as  liberal,  and  to  commend  their  views  by  this 
adjective.  They  would  insinuate  that  Chris- 
tians are  enslaved  by  revelation,  of  which  they 
are  fond  of  speaking  as  "  dogma."  Well, 
"  dogma  "  is  a  word  brought  into  bad  odor  by 
being  applied  to  the  decisions  of  mediaeval 
councils ;  but  it  had  an  earlier  classic  meaning. 
It  stood  for  a  philosophic  tenet.  It  is  found, 
without  the  change  of  a  letter,  in  the  Greek 
Testament,  to  describe  a  prince's  decree  (Acts 
17  :  7),  the  apostolic  resolutions  (Acts  16  :  4), 
the  Mosaic  laws  (Eph.  2  :  15)  ;  and  in  the  apos- 
tolic fathers  it  stands  for  "  the  doctrines  of  the 
Lord  and  the  apostles."*     Is  there  any  more 

*  Ignatius  to  the  Magnesians,  chap.  siii.  The  controversy 
regarding  the  genuineness  of  the  Epistles  does  not  affect  the 
value  of  our  quotation,  as  showing  the  early  use  of  the  word. 


0  VR  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   233 

bondage  in  being  under  these  doctrines  than 
being  under  the  law  of  gravitation?  Is  the 
mind  any  more  fettered  by  accepting  revealed 
truth  in  moral  or  spiritual  things  than  by 
accepting  the  fixed  elementary  principles  of 
mathematics  ?  On  the  contrary  it  is  the  mind 
that  divine  truth  enlightens  that  is  liberal ;  that 
is  brought  into  sympathy  with  the  Father  of 
lights ;  that  realizes  its  place  in  humanity  and 
in  the  universe ;  and  that  feels  itself  bound  in 
all  proper  ways  to  do  good  to  all  as  it  has 
opportunity.  It  is  lifted  out  of  and  above  self. 
It  is  brought  into  the  family  of  God.  It  catches 
the  spirit  of  a  true  catholicity.  It  rises  in  love, 
pity  and  effort  to  do  good  above  the  lines  of 
color,  race,  class ;  and  it  anticipates  a  common 
home  with  the  redeemed  out  of  every  kindred 
and  tongue  and  nation  and  people.  In  every 
just  sense  of  the  word  the  intelligent  Christian 
is  the  true  liberal. 

(3)  We  do  not,  therefore,  hold  in  any  spe- 
cial respect  the  idea  involved  in  "  free  thought" 
— a  phrase  employed  to  describe  disregard  of 
the  restraints  of  the  Bible.  In  what  distinct- 
ive sense  is  such  thought  free  ?     Is  it  meant 


234  ^    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

that  it  disregards  evidence  ?  Surely  not.  It 
claims  to  stand  up  rigidly  for  evidence.  But 
so  do  Christians.  They  are  bidden  to  "  prove 
all  things"  (1  Thess.  5  :  21).  They  are  ap- 
pealed to  by  evidence.  God  has  supplied 
"  many  infallible  proofs  "  (Acts  1:3)  of  a  de- 
e  fact  in  the  Christian  system.  Christians 
believe  on  evidence  ;  on  appropriate  evidence  ; 
on  evidence  kindred  to  the  point  to  be  proved. 
Moral  questions  are  dealt  with  by  moral  con- 
siderations, physical  by  physical,  and  spiritual 
by  spiritual.  Christianity  in  its  nature,  and  of 
necessity,  liberates  the  human  mind.  It  has 
done  so  in  point  of  fact.  If  "  the  truth  "  (John 
8  :  32),  or,  which  is  the  same  thing,  "if  the 
Son  shall  make  you  free,  ye  shall  be  free  in- 
deed "  (John  8  :  36). 

We  have  dwelt  on  these  pretentious  phrases 
at  a  length  that  would  be  needless  if  they  did 
not  bear  in  some  degree  on  the  great  aim  of 
this  little  book,  the  building  up  of  godly,  happy 
homes.  As  a  man  "  thinketh  in  his  heart,  so  is 
he."  "  Free  thought "  is  not  far  removed  from 
free  living,  "  free  love  "  and  other  radical  foes 
of    home    life.     Nature,    experience,    science, 


0  Uli  FA  THEWS  HO  USE.  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   235 

philosophy,  all  failed  to  produce  the  true  family 
life.  It  is  the  fruit  of  revelation.  Destroy 
the  power  of  revelation  over  men's  minds  and 
you  throw  back  society  into  the  conditions  of 
Greece  and  Rome  in  pre-Christian  times, — not 
to  speak  of  lower  depths. 

One  other  point,  kindred  to  this,  deserves 
notice.  The  Creator  gave  us  social  instincts. 
He  implants  the  yearning  for  social  affection, 
for  a  sharer  of  our  joys,  a  helper,  as  we  bear 
the  burden  of  inevitable  sorrows.  As  there 
are  dwarfs,  giants  and  albinos,  so  there  are  ex- 
ceptional natures  that,  Diogenes-like,  prefer  to 
be  left  alone ;  but  the  rest  can  truly  say, 

"  We  pine  for  kindred  natures 
To  mingle  with  our  own." 

God's  institutions — the  family,  the  church,  the 
state — meet  and  utilize  these  elements  in  our 
nature.  But  there  are  many  who,  for  various 
reasons,  stand  in  a  measure  outside  the  first 
and  the  second  of  these.  Are  they  superior 
to  the  common  demands  ?  By  no  means.  Look 
at  our  cities  with  their  "  clubs,"  "  unions," 
"  societies,"  "  circles "  and  the  like,  more  or 
less  rational,  pure,  and  expensive.     Many  of 


236  A    CHUISTIAN  HOME. 

them  are  more  costly  and  less  elevating  to  their 
members  than  a  church.  All  of  them  consti- 
tute the  unconscious  confession  that  if  human 
nature  does  not  take  God's  provisions  for  it,  it 
must  find  something  in  their  stead;  and  the 
weakness  of  its  clumsy  make-shifts  is  that  the 
fellowship  they  cultivate  has  no  direct,  no  spe- 
cific reach  beyond  the  present.  But  in  the 
Christian  home  and  the  church  of  our  Lord  we 
enter  into  and  cultivate  a  communion  that  en- 
dures with  our  immortal  being,  a  fellowship  that 
will  be  unbroken  and  eternal  in  the  Father's 
house.  Where  is  the  word  of  welcome  uttered 
to  the  newly  initiated  that  can  compare  for 
a  moment  with  this  ? — "  Ye  are  come  unto 
Mount  Zion,  and  unto  the  city  of  the  living 
God,  the  heavenly  Jerusalem,  and  to  innumer- 
able hosts  of  angels,  to  the  general  assembly 
and  church  of  the  first-born  who  are  enrolled 
in  heaven,  and  to  God  the  Judge  of  all,  and  to 
the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,  and  to 
Jesus  the  mediator  of  a  new  covenant,  and  to 
the  blood  of  sprinkling  that  speaketh  better 
than  that  of  Abel "  (Heb.  12  :  22-24,  Revision). 
By  whom  are  they  led  thither  ?     The  Spirit  of 


0  Uli  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.  237 

the  living  God  (Rom.  8  :  14) .  In  what  capacity 
do  they  come  ?  As  sons  of  the  living  God.  By 
whom  are  they  introduced  ?  Their  Saviour  and 
Elder  Brother.  Is  there  any  entrance  fee  ?  No  : 
'■without  money  and  without  price."  Have 
they  any  privileges  ?  Yes :  "  all  things  are 
yours."  Do  they  receive  sympathy  ?  "  Little 
children,  love  one  another."  Is  any  mutual 
improvement  contemplated?  " Edify  one  an- 
other" (1  Thess.  5  :  11).  Is  there  any  mutual 
benefit  ?  Yes ;  each  is  bound  to  do  good  to 
all,  especially  unto  them  of  the  household  of 
faith  (Gal.  6  :  10).  Is  the  management  liberal 
and  peaceable ?  "In  Christ  Jesus  neither  cir- 
cumcision availeth  any  thing,  nor  uncircumcis- 
ion,  but  a  new  creature.  And  as  many  as  walk 
according  to  this  rule,  peace  be  on  them,  and 
mercy,  and  upon  the  Israel  of  God."  Is  there 
any  provision  for  the  members  ?  Oh,  reader,  if 
you  have  not  become  joined  to  the  Lord  "  in 
a  perpetual  covenant  that  shall  not  be  forgot- 
ten" (Jer.  50  :  5) — if  you  have  taken  up  this 
book  from  curiosity  and  not  from  interest  in  its 
theme — let  its  pages  be  a  call  to  you  to  come  to 
Christ  and  so  into  his  church,  to  trust  him  for 


2?S  -4    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

what  he  is,  for  what  you  need,  and  to  be  his 
in  heart,  profession  and  life.  Then  you  will 
have  a  future,  and  an  adequate  provision  for 
your  whole  nature,  for  your  sympathies,  your 
soul,  your  glorified  body.  For  hear  the  Re- 
deemer's words — covering  all  the  ease,  all  this 
life's  troubles  and  the  wants  of  the  next :  "  Let 
not  your  heart  be  troubled  :  ye  believe  in  God, 
believe  also  in  me.  In  my  Father's  house  are 
many  mansions  :  if  it  were  not  so  I  would  have 
told  you.  I  go  to  prepare  a  place  for  you.  And 
if  I  go  and  prepare  a  place  for  you,  I  will  come 
again  and  receive  you  unto  myself;  that  where 
I  am,  there  ye  may  be  also"  (John  14  : 1-3). 

There  is  a  natural  connection  between  edu- 
cation in  youth  and  the  work  of  life.  Wise 
persons  aim  at  exercising  the  mind  in  what 
will  most  employ  it  through  life.  One  some- 
times hears  a  person — employed  in  some  de- 
partment of  effort  he  never  contemplated — say, 
"  I  threw  away  my  school-time.  What  I  learnt 
has  nothing  to  do  with  my  occupation  now." 
When  this  life  is  the  school-time  and  the  end- 
less future  is  the  real  life,  surely  it  is  wise  to 
regulate  the  one  by  the  other.     To  serve  God; 


0  UJi  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   239 

to  grow  up  in  his  family ;  to  catch  the  spirit  of 
it ;  to  be  at  peace  with  him  and  at  ease  with 
his  children ;  to  feel  "  at  home  "  in  his  service 
and  with  his  people ;  to  have  feelings  and  af- 
fections stamped  with  the  heavenly-mindedness 
which  is  the  family  likeness — this  links  together 
earth  and  heaven ;  gives  unity  to  the  life  here 
and  the  life  to  come ;  and  lends  dignity  to  a 
being  which  to  the  eye  of  sense  is  fleeting  as 
the  shadow,  and  withers  like  the  grass.  For — 
on  this  plan — "  whether  we  live,  we  live  unto 
the  Lord ;  and  whether  we  die,  we  die  unto 
the  Lord  :  whether  we  live  therefore,  or  die, 
we  are  the  Lord's"  (Rom.  14:8).  "Oh! 
strive  then,"  says  the  Rev.  George  Everard  in 
quaint  language  that  savors  of  Herbert,  or  of 
Puritan  pages,  "to  make  your  home  a  little 
plot  of  heaven,  a  nursery  for  the  great  home 
above.  Let  your  walls  be  built  of  salvation, 
your  floors  carpeted  with  meekness  and  hu- 
mility ;  let  your  light  be  the  lamp  of  God's 
word ;  let  the  fire  burning  on  your  hearth  be 
love  to  God  and  love  to  one  another,  shed 
abroad  in  the  heart  by  the  Holy  Spirit;  let 
your  furniture  be  made  of  the  fragrant  wood 


240  i    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

of  genuine  sincerity  and  holy  living ;  let  your 
gates  and  doors  be  fervent  prayers  to  shut  out 
all  that  is  evil,  and  to  guard  and  cherish  all 
that  is  pure  and  good;  let  the  -windows  be 
minds  enlightened  by  divine  grace  to  learn  the 
secrets  of  heavenly  wisdom ;  let  the  motto  en- 
graven on  your  house  be  something  of  this 
kind  :  '  Except  the  Lord  build  the  house,  they 
labor  in  vain  that  build  it.'  " 

There  are  two  forms  in  which  we  should,  in 
our  minds,  connect  the  home  on  earth  and  the 
home  above.  There  are  in  the  happiest  homes 
unavoidable  breaks  in  the  stream  of  enjoyment, 
difficulties  in  finding  the  means  of  life ;  or  if 
not  these,  occasional  disappointments — in  the 
field,  or  the  fold,  or  the  store,  or  the  bank — are 
experienced.  How  many  households  are  there 
to  which  the  death  of  one  of  the  cattle  is  a 
serious  loss  !  Sickness  comes,  on  a  child  per- 
haps, and  a  parent  toils  all  day  and  watches  all 
night;  on  a  parent  perhaps,  and  for  the  time 
the  future  of  the  family  is  in  peril.  Death 
comes ;  an  infant,  a  growing  boy,  a  little  sister, 
a  mother,  dies.  But  there  is  the  abiding  con- 
viction :  "  We  are  being  made  meet  for  a  home 


0  UR  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   241 

without  any  trials.  We  need  these  here  ;  whom 
the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth.  The  very 
remembrance  of  his  wisdom,  grace  and  power 
will  give  fervor  to  our  song  above,  and  the 
contrast  between  that  and  this  will  enhance 
the  joy  and  the  glory.  And  as  for  our  beloved 
ones,  they  are  before  us.  We  shall  join  them 
by  and  by."  These  convictions  quiet,  comfort, 
strengthen.  Along  with  them  despondencj^. 
bitter  complaint  and  vexation  with  providences 
cannot  live. 

Take  an  example.  On  a  bright  summer  day 
it  was  my  duty  to  visit,  in  their  affliction,  a 
Protestant  family  living  in  comparative  isola- 
tion and  poverty  among  a  population  of  a  dif- 
ferent faith.  The  mother  lay  on  the  bed  sick  of 
a  fever.  The  father  took  it  while  nursing  her ; 
held  out  till  he  could  stand  no  longer;  and  then 
the  children,  none  of  them  full-grown,  made  a 
cot  for  him  on  the  floor  beside  her.  Which  of 
the  two  would  go  first  it  was  impossible  to 
guess.  Want  awaited  the  family ;  in  fact  it  was 
there.  But  they  had  Christian  faith  and  hope. 
The  father  could  not  rise  from  the  cot,  but  he 
could  quote  Bible  texts.     He  could  speak  of 

1G 


242  A    CHRISTIAN  HOME. 

going  home,  and  of  their  being  joined  together 
again.  After  such  words  as  it  was  fit  to  speak, 
and  such  brief  prayer  as  they  could  follow,  I 
left  to  find  some  needed  attendance  and  com- 
forts. The  home  was  poor,  dark  and  com- 
fortless. The  place — with  a  few  scattered 
dwellings  about  it — was  dreary  in  the  ex- 
treme ;  but  looking  up,  a  clear  sky,  a  bright 
sun,  a  balmy  atmosphere  recalled  to  me 

"  How  strikingly  the  course  of  nature  tells, 
By  its  light  heed  of  human  suffering, 
That  it  was  fashioned  for  a  happier  world.'" 

But  there  came  a  second  thought;  over  that 
darkened  dwelling  grace  had  revealed  a  fairer 
heaven  with  a  serener  atmosphere,  all  the  more 
glorious  to  faith  from  contrast  with  the  gloom 
below,  and,  breathing  which  forever  none  shall 
say,  "  I  am  sick." 

Oh,  reader,  it  is  hard  to  see  loved  ones  suffer 
and  die ;  it  is  hard  to  lie  on  one's  bed  and  feel 
that  this  familiar  world  is  vanishing ;  it  is  hard 
to  nature  to  part  with  those  whose  life  has  been 
part  of  our  life.  This  experience  will  inevi- 
tably be  yours  in  some  form  or  other.  Can 
you  calmly  think  of  endless  parting  ?  of  dying 


0  UR  FA  THEM'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VEXL  Y  HOME.  243 

and  going  out  into  an  unknown  world  hopeless 
and  homeless  ?  Or  do  you  put  the  idea  away 
from  your  mind  ?  That  poor  shift  will  not 
alter  the  facts.  Rather  consider,  believe,  and 
then  learn  to  "  endure  as  seeing  him  who  is 
invisible."  It  is  while  we  look  not  at  the  things 
seen  but  the  things  unseen  that  the  light  and 
momentary  affliction  works  out  the  far  more 
exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of  glory  (2  Cor. 
4  :  17,  18). 

Nor  are  we  to  overlook  another  truth :  the 
exercise  of  the  graces  that  sweeten  and  bright- 
en the  home  is  a  preparation  for  the  life 
above.  Do  you  obey  the  father  whom  you 
see  because  he  is  your  father  ?  You  are  form- 
ing the  habit  of  obedience  to  your  divine 
Father.  Do  you  love  those  who  are  one  with 
you  with  a  patient,  gentle,  appreciative  affec- 
tion ?  You  are  acquiring  the  temper  and  feeling 
that  will  make  heaven  happy  to  you.  Are  you 
gladdened  by  the  joy  of  your  kindred,  even  as 
your  sympathies  draw  you  towards  them  when 
they  weep?  Then  how  happy  you  will  be 
when  among  the  great  multitude  that  no  man 
can  number,  in  perfected  bliss,  and  when  you 


A    CHRISTIAN  H<: 

:'  the  family  of  God!     Do 
rejoice  in  the  gifts   and  graces   of  those 
.  whom  you  mingle  daily  ?     How  rich  the 
h  which  you  will  look  on  the 
powers   of   angels    who  have  kept  their  first 
te  !     Have  you  ever  had  unexpected  joy 
ming  close  to  those  of  your  own  flesh  and 
blood   whom  you  had  hardly  know:.  V     V" 
varied   and  delight   you  are  preparing 

yourself  to  enjoy  when  "father  Abraham 
met ;  when  prophets  and  apostles  are  g 
when  saints  whose  names  you  knew  as  the 
world's  benefactors  ur  path;  whenfore- 

lera  whose  e  .influence  and  prayers 

told  on  you,  though  you  never  saw  them  in  the 
body,  come  within  ver-widenin_ 

The  genuine  home-life  is  a  force  that  steadily 
counteracts  selfishness,  widens  the  nature,  puri- 
fies and  elevates  the  best  of  our  sympathies 

nd  so  prepares  us  for  enjo; 
the  y  of  the  family  of  God  in  heaven. 

It  will  be  noticed  that  we  assume  recognition 
in  heaven.  It  does  not  need  to  be  argued.  It 
is  implied  in  the  nature  of  the  case.  To  doubt 
it   is   to   deny  the   individuality  Go  1   gives   to 


0  UR  FA  THER'S  HO  USE,  THE  HE  A  VENL  Y  HOME.   245 

men ;  to  suppose  diminution,  not  increase,  of 
our  knowledge,  and  to  rob  of  their  force  such 
words  as  "ye  shall  sit  down  with  Abraham, 
and  Isaac,  and  Jacob,"  and  "  all  the  prophets." 
It  is  to  reverse  arrangements  God  made  on  the 
earth,  and  to  sunder  ties  which  first  his  prov- 
idence, and  then  his  grace,  created.  But  this 
he  does  not.  Many  a  joyous  recognition  in 
glory  will  yield  a  thousand-fold  compensation 
for  trials,  labors  and  sacrifices  on  earth. 

"  Oh,  when  the  mother  meets  on  high 
The  babe  she  lost  in  infancy, 
Hath  she  not  then  for  all  her  fears. 
The  day  of  care,  the  anxious  night — 
For  all  her  sorrows,  all  her  tears — 
An  over-payment  of  delight?" 


INDEX. 


PAGE 

Abraham,  fidelity  of,  .  .  .  141 
lessons  from  to  us,  147 
marriage  of, .     .     .     17 

Adam  as  master, 14 

the  second,  reply  to  the 
Pharisees,  ....     14 
Alexander,  J.  A.,     ....     89 
James  W.,  on  pro- 
fessors,   .     .     .122 

Amusements, 161 

evil,  imported,  .  221 
Augustine,     Confessions     of, 

quoted, 10 

Austerity,  parental, ....  155 

Bacon  on  the  family,  ...  62 
Bethany,  home  at,  ....  33 
Birthplace,  influence  of,     .     .  124 

Cana,  wedding  in,  .  .  .  28,  29 
Carlyle,   Thomas,    birthplace 

of, 123 

Celibacy  injurious,    ....     59 
justifiable, ....     58 
Chalmers,  Thomas,  on  relig- 
ious culture, 48 

Child,  an  only,  special  danger 

of, 168 

Children,  confidences  of,  .  .  205 
grown-up,  .  .  .  204 
influence    of    older 

on  younger,  .  .  209 
lessons  for,  ...  37 
of  good  parents,why 

some  are  bad,  .  163 
responsibility  for,  .     80 

ruined, 102 

Christ,  his  answer  to  Mary,    .     31 
his  care  for  Mary,  .     .     32 


PAGE 

Christianity  the  true  secular- 
ism,  .     .     .     .231 
true  free  thought,  233 
Christians    not  enslaved    by 

revelation, 232 

Church,  its  concern  with  mar- 
riage,   55 

Clubs,  social, 235 

Communities  live,     ....  144 

Community,  how  made  up,    .     11 

Companion,  choice  of,  .     .  65,  66 

guide  in  choice  of,     68 

reflex  influence  of,     66 

Confinement,  solitary,  ...     89 

Connecticut,  Blue  Laws  of,     .  157 

Coquettes,  married,  ....  100 

Cowper  on  solitude,  ....     90 

wisdom,  ....  198 

Disciples  sent  two  and  two,  .  87 
Discipline  in  the  family  and 

church, 148 

Dogma,  classic  meaning  of,  .  232 
Domestic,  a  trusty  one  needed,  75 
Duff,  Alex.,  testimony  to  his 

father, 130 

Ecclesiastes,  a  figure  from,  .  87 
Economy  in  a  home,  .  .  .  220 
Education  and  work  of  life,  .  238 
Parisian,.  .  .  .151 
Emerson  and  his  mother,  .  .117 
Englishman,  the,  and  secular- 
ism,      230 

Esau,  marriage  of,  ....  19 
Everard,  Rev.  George,  on  the 

home, 239 

Evil,    beginnings    of    to    be 
avoided, 103 

(247) 


248 


JXBEX. 


TKr,Z 

Extravagance  in  the  home,    .  133 

ruins  a  home,  .  2 IS 

Ezra,  marriage  reform  by,     .     22 

Family,  beautiful  picture  of,  .  170 
building  up  one,    .     .142 
life,  development  of.  . 
prayers,  books  on,     .  177 
the,  and  the  commun- 
ity  11 

the,  its  early  history,     11 
the,  precedes  society,     14 
unity,  how  to  preserve, 
Farmer,  prayers  in  his  home,  179 
Father  and  boy,  story  of,  .     .     41 
Fathers  to   train   the   house- 
hold,     149 

Fever  in  the  walls  of  a  house,  211 
Fidelity,  Christian,  ....  93 
mutual,  in  the  home,  125 
Free  thou  eh  t,  error  of,  .  .  .  234 
Friend,  ideal  of,  .  .  .  .  .202 
Friendship,  Cicero  on,  .  .  .  201 
Froude,  J.  A.,  on  Carlyle,     .  123 

Garfield,  struggles  of,    .     .     .  133 

Genesis  approved,     ....  26 

Gentleness  in  the  home,     .     .  199 

Godliness  in  the  home, ...  83 

Goethe  on  wisdom,   ....  198 
Government,      divine,      uses 

means, 193 

Green  Fund,  books  under,      .  9 

Hamilton,  Dr.  James,  father 

of, 131 

Hare  on  individuals  and  so- 
ciety,   140 

Heaven,  enjoyment  of,  .     . 

recognition  in,  .  .  244 
Hezekiah  and  Sennacherib,  .  188 
Hodge,    Dr.    Charles,   life   of 

quoted, 129 

Home,  annual  festival  in, .     .  120 
Christian,      object     of 

book  on,  ....  7 
clouds  over,  .  .  .  .111 
disorder  in,     ....  213 


PAGE 

Home,  economy  in,  .     .     .     .  220 
enemies  of,     ...     .  211 

ethics  of, 49 

extravagance  in,     .     .  218 
financial  prudence  in, .  196 
government  and  train- 
ing,     141 

heaven's  fallen  sister,  .  137 
how  wisely  begun,  .  .  109 
ill-temper  in,  .  .  .  .  224 
intemperance  in,  .  .  223 
joyful  beginning  of,  .  107 
lack  of  piety  in,  .  .  225 
life,  lights  and  shad- 
ows of, 105 

life,  secondary  elements 

in, 193 

mutual  care  and  help 

in, S7 

Kew   Testament    light 

in, 25 

not  a  hotel,  ....  73 
pure  atmosphere  of,  .107 
religious  differences  in,  226 
reverses  in,  ...  .  116 
sickness  in,  ...  .  113 
sunlight  in,   after  the 

rain,  .  .  .  .112,  119 
the  heavenly,  .  .  .229 
treated  in  the  Bible,  .  106 
worship  of,  .  .  .  .171 
Homes,  cares  and  blessings  in,  191 
Christian,      what      is 

seen  in  them,     .     .  189 
godly,  in  early  times,     34 
Hope,    the     Christian's,    not 

dreamy, 230 

Hospitality,  true,  among  kin- 
dred,     200 

Hotel     and     boarding-house 

life  bad, 60 

House,  our  Father's,      .     .     .  229 

Household,  care  in  forming  of,  1 65 

reference     to     in 

Bible,.     .     .     .141 

Houses  not  homes,    ....     12 

Husband,  choice  of,  .     .     .     .     67 

not  a  despot, .     .     .  126 


J  XL  EX. 


249 


PAGE 

Husbands  won, 99 

Ignatius,  Epistle  of,  .  .  .  232 
Independence,  Declaration  of, 

misunderstood,      ....     52 

[nstincts,  social 235 

Intemperance  destroys  home 

happiness, 221 

Isaac,  marriage  of,    ....     18 

Jealousy  in  the  home,  .  .  .  136 
Jezebel,  her  influence,  ...  21 
Johns,  Bishop,  letter  to   Dr. 

Hodge, 128 

Joseph  and  his  wife,     ...     97 

Kane,  Captain,  and  the  Es- 
quimaux  chief,     ....     88 
Keble,  poetry  by,     ....     86 
Kingsley,  Charles,  on  educa- 
tion,     78 

Lawson,  Dr.,  life  of,  .  .  .  180 
Lear  the  king,  misery  of,  .  .  38 
Liddon,  Canon,  on  man,  .  .  231 
Life  here  and  hereafter,  unity 

of, 240 

Living  imprudently,  .  .  .  195 
Love,  power  of, 138 

Marriage  a  religious  rite,  .     .  15 
between  Protestant 
and  Catholic  un- 
wise,      ....  70 

divine, 14 

inter- dependence  of 

two  persons,   .     .  53 
New  Testament  rule 

of, 22 

not  a  civil  contract 

merely, ....  16 

not  a  sacrament,     .  16 

Romish  views  of,    .  28 

vows,  spirit  of,  .     .  126 

.Marriages,  mixed,    ....  69 

Married,  the  newly,  prudent 

arrangements  by,  110 

where  to  live,     .  72,  194 


PAGE 

Married,  to  have  a  home  of 

their  own,  ...     7-1 

to  live  within  their 

means,  .     .     .     .194 

Martensen  on  co-education,  .    7S 

on  right  living,    .  152 

quoted,  ....     71 

Meals,  grace  before,     .     .     .173 

Men,  a  race, 50 

not  like  angels,     ...     50 
not   like  a  regiment  of 

soldiers, 52 

Merchant,     prayers    in     his 

home, 179 

Millionaire,  poor,  and  his  son,  186 
Mormonism,  corruption  of,     .     57 

Mother  a  friend, 138 

as  a  confidante,     .     .  206 

sick,  anecdote  of,  .     .  24  i 

Music  in  the  home,  ....  174 

Naomi  and  Ruth,     .     .     .     .  18S 
Nettleton,  character  of,     .     .  135 
Newman,  J.  H.,  early   train- 
ing  of, 150 

Obedience,  sullen,  .  .  .  .203 
Oberlin,  gentleness  of,  .  .  .  36 
Order  in  the  home,  .     .     .     .  2K! 

Paradise,  marriage  law  of,  .  27 
Parental     duty,    neglect     of 

brings  sorrow,  .     .     .     „    .  15-1 
Parents  and  children,  separa- 
ted by  business,     .  158 
reproving,  .     .    .     .115 
to  command,    .     .     .  145 
training  children  by 

proxy,      ....  129 
trials  of,  by  children,  114 
wise  methods  of,  .   39,  40 
Peasant  woman,  story  of, .     .     35 
Penates  and  Lares,  .     .     .     .  1 72 
Pharaoh,  a  lesson  from,     .     .     81 
Pharisees,  questions  by,  on  di- 
vorce,  ....     25 
reproved,      ...     27 
Philemon, 46 


250 


INDEX. 


Piety,  effect  of  on  the  home,  .  225 

Plato  on  household  worship, .  172 

on  solitude,     ....     89 

Poison  in  the  atmosphere,     .  212 

Polygamy, 17 

set  aside,     ...     56 

Prayer  a  blessing,     ....  185 

lack  of  gift  in,  .     .     .183 

needed, 167 

.no  interest  in  by  the 

family, 184 

Property  and  family  life,  .     .     54 
Prudence  and  providence,     .  133 
Pusey,  E.  B.,  on  minor  proph- 
ets,  91 

Race,    the    human,    variety 
in, 51,  52 

Randolph,     John,     religious 

training  of, 132 

Religion,   divergence    in,    at 

home,   ....  226 

includes  ethics, .    49,  50 

natural,    .     .     .     .171 

Rich  and  wretched,  ....  160 

Righteous,  the  death  of,    .     .  228 

Rodigast,  poetry  by,    .    .     .     13 

Sabbath-schools,  efficiency  of,  153 

Schiller  on  love, 62 

School,  selection  of  for  chil- 
dren,      77 

the  Sunday, ....     79 
Schools,  common,      ....     79 
foreign,  bad  influence 

of, 152 

Scriptures,  how  to  read,  .  .  175 
Selfishness  in  the  home,  .  .135 
Servants,  faithful  Christian,  44,  45 
training  of,  .  .  42,  43 
Sherman,  Rev.    James,    and 

his   parents, 96 

Society,  outside  demands  of,  .  216 

relation  to  the  home,     54 

Sodom,  influence  of,     .     .     .  148 

Solomon,  his  folly,    ....    21 


Spitta,  Karl  I.  P.,  quoted,      .  105 
Suffering,  a  hard  experience,  242 

Taylor,  Bayard,  on  wisdom,  .  198 
Teachers  for  the  young,     .     .     77 
religious,  and  dog- 
mas,   49 

Temper,  bad,  in  the  home,     .  223 
violence  of,     ...     82 
Tertullian,   words   of,  to   his 

wife, 24 

Tholuck  on  trades  and  profes- 
sions,   208 

Thornwell,  J.  H.,  on  holiness,  192 

Vices,  mutual  connections  of,  210 
Virtues,    secondary,     in    the 
home, 207 

Washburn,   E.    A.,   on    mar- 
riage,   64 

Wealthy,  the  sons  of  in  dan- 
ger,       168 

Wedding  gifts,  inconsiderate 

sometimes, 194 

Weddings,  how  to  conduct,    .     72 
Widows,    sons    of   in    trying 

positions, 169 

Wife,  a  wise  heroine,     .     .     .  195 

choice  of, 67 

not  a  flirt,  ......  128 

Wilson,     John,     lights     and 
shadows  of  life,     ....  118 

Woman,  a  Christian,  dying,  .  121 

Woman's  rights, 158 

Women,  homilies  to,     .     .     .     95 
how      educated      in 
France,   ....  126 
Wordsworth  on  wisdom,    .     .  19S 

Worship,  family, 173 

family,  forms  of  con- 
ducting, ....  173 
objections     to,    an- 
swered, ....  182 
Wrecks,  human, 101 


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